Mmmm, Salmon Martini...

Yes, a lot of great things come out of Seward's Folly (read ALASKA, Scoob) that may induce vomiting. Here's one that's NOT political.


Recently a BACON FLAVORED VODKA was seen and ingested by the Bacon Faithful, but this is hardly the same thing (it's actually quite good). However, as the originator of the Blood of the Vanquished (soon to be a MMP), I must say that I'd have to taste it before I'd reject it. Tragically dumb-as-a-box-of-dead-crabs former Alaskan politicos won't be so lucky.

They Saved Da-da's Brain (Well, Not Really)

Luckily for Da-da, he lives with talented 3- and 5-year-old brain surgeons. After seeing Da-da this morning (full fee, o'course), they realized that SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH DADA. Jeez, what was their first clue? Da-da always drools before 10:00 am. Anyway, behold the sorry state of Da-da's brain after a scant FIVE YEARS OF DA-DA DUTY:

Ew. Note the satellite dish and errant lizard. Da-da thought his soft tissue faired pretty well, considering; he was certain he'd have more noggin lizards by now. Regardless, after dangerous lizard- and satellite-dish-ectomies, Da-da's brain now looks like this:

Much better, though Da-da's corpus callosum still needs work. He won't be happy till his brain looks more like CHER, and less like a spoiled blancmange. At least his L-parietal and L-occipital lobes are showing better definition, post-lizard, though he technically has no R or L without a corpus callosum. Really, everyone will be sporting these new UNIBRAINS in future, starting on Capitol Hill. Ahh, the enlightenment of undifferentiation. Damn, why does Da-da suddenly feel like a giant cockroach? Gotta write a novel about this.


Monkey! Robot! Pirate! Ninja! Zombie!

Finally, something worthy of Da-da's limited cranial pressure. Here are the rules:
* Monkey fools Ninja
* Monkey unplugs Robot
Suggested noise: ee-ee-eek!
* Robot chokes Ninja
* Robot crushes Zombie
Suggested noise: ex-ter-min-ate!

* Pirate drowns Robot
* Pirate skewers Monkey
Suggested noise: arrrrr!

* Ninja karate chops Pirate
* Ninja decapitates Zombie
Suggested noise: keeee-ah!

* Zombie eats Pirate
* Zombie savages Monkey
Suggested noise: braaaaaaaaaainsss!

We could add the following trump gestures: werewolf (CLAW), dynamite (ONE FINGER) and Bruce Campbell (NO HAND); those pretty much trump all the norms, so we'd have to Nicene Creed it to hash out the hash. Anyone who comments THE DONALD will be blackballed. (Resist the human side, Spock.) Ultimately, the "DICK CHENEY CHANNELING GHOST OF NIXON," gesture wins all, the gesture itself being so simple (MIDDLE FINGER). It's a cross between this:

and this:

I mean, if you look closely enough, you can see the NIXON inside every corporate logo; even though Dick is worse, the innate mea culpa of the subliminal NIXON might make the whole AVW NIXON logo thing more apropos -- or JEJUNE, I'm not sure -- I guess it depends on whose graduate thesis you're channeling. Where were we? Is this thing on?


Celebrities Reading Joyce: #1 in a Very Short Series

[NOTE: if you're a celebrity and you have a pic of you reading Joyce, feel free to send it to: dada-at-amancalleddada-dot-com. Da-da will gladly showcase your Joycian tendencies. Bonus points for actually reading Joyce, despite the fact that Da-da thinks Joyce took advantage of Sylvia Beach and deserves fewer readers. Blah Blah Bloom.]


Sub-Nuclear BINGO

For those (ok, one) of you who might be interested, here's a useful bingo card showcasing sub-nuclear particle classifications -- along with the (still alleged) Higgs-boson that's supposed to be responsible for all mass. And here Da-da thought it was his lasagna.

On a side note, imagine CERN's Large Hadron Collider particle accelerator (when it works, it's coin-driven) cranking super-intense, uber-BROBDINGNAGIAN electromagnetic donuts -- with sprinkles -- around its 27 km circumference over and over and over again, 100 meters below the Swiss countryside. What effect might that kind of energy have on the geophysical space-time neighborhood? I hope someone is monitoring plants and cows and people on the inner cheese ring to see if they're getting free cable... or a second head... or are reading more Joyce than other quantifiable entities. Yeah, right.

While Da-da has you (he loves this stuff), each magnet-cluster slice weighs 2000 tons AND can produce nearly 100 metric tons of swiss cheese in a picosecond (with entangled bubblage). Luckily, Da-da only has to store 5 tons at his house. Anyone have 3 million barrels of montrachet? Da-da ALWAYS has room for montrachet.


The New Truncheon... er, TOOTHBRUSH is Here!

What's a truncheon, the gentler of you may ask? It's a cute little club that police and sailors and jailers have been bonking people in the head with for... oh, a million years. Anyway, the talented folks at Yanko Design have paired one of these handy items with a toothbrush, making a WeebleWobble-esque all-in-one bonking/brushing tool.

Now, as the wrangler and stun-tag-releaser of two small hellion boys, I can safely say that these will be used to BONK first, BRUSH second. Then again, everything in my house is used for BONKING (not BOINKING, where is your mind?), so I can't blame Yanko Design. Where's my stun gun?


An Invitation from BEYOND?

As one who's been educated in, and auto-exposed to, nearly every vein of human thought in existence (20+ years investigating world religions, Eastern and Western philosophy, secret societies and all things alternative bizarre), it's my responsibility to bring to light anything I find unusually compelling -- especially something that might help people. So, if I might have your attention for a moment.

I've been sent something by a trusted source that requires thought. I offer it without comment. If it is indeed true, and you believe its veracity, you'll know what to do with it. If you don't, then simply stop reading and make fun of me. Knowing many of my readers as I do, I think you'll want to see this. Note that it contains a few grammar hiccups, and is oddly worded at times, as if the person writing it was not a native English speaker. That said, here it is. It's an invitation, of sorts. I suggest reading it in its entirety.


Whoever transmitted this translated message to you is irrelevant, and should remain anonymous in your mind. It is what you will do with this message which matters! Each one of you wishes to exercise her/his free will and experience happiness. These are attributes that were shown to us and to which we now have access. Your free will depends upon the knowledge you have of your own power. Your happiness depends upon the love that you give and receive. Like all conscious races at this stage of progress, you may feel isolated on your planet. This impression makes you sure of your destiny. Yet, you are at the brink of big upheavals that only a minority is aware of. It is not our responsibility to modify your future without you choosing it. Consider this message as a worldwide referendum! And your answer as a ballot! Who are we?

Neither your scientists nor your religious representatives speak unanimously about the unexplained celestial events that mankind has witnessed for thousands of years. To know the truth, one must face it without the filter of one´s beliefs, however respectable they may be.

A growing number of anonymous researchers of yours are exploring new knowledge paths and are getting very close to reality. Today, your civilization is flooded with an ocean of information of which only a tiny part, the less upsetting one, is notably diffused. What in your history seemed ridiculous or improbable has often become possible, then realized, in particular in the last fifty years. Be aware that the future will be even more surprising. You will discover the worst as well as the best.

Like billions others in this galaxy, we are conscious creatures that some name “extra-terrestrials”, even though reality is subtler. There is no fundamental difference between you and us, save for the experience of certain stages of evolution. Like in any other organized structure, hierarchy exists in our internal relationships. Ours is based upon the wisdom of several races. It is with the approval of this hierarchy that we turn to you. Like most of you, we are in the quest of the Supreme Being. Therefore we are not gods or lesser gods but virtually your equals in the Cosmic Brotherhood. Physically, we are somewhat different from you but for most of us humanoid-shaped.

Our existence is a reality but the majority of you does not perceive it yet. We are not mere observations, we are consciences just like you. You fail to apprehend us because we remain invisible to your senses and measure instruments most of the time. We wish to fill this void at this moment in your history. We made this collective decision but this is not enough. We need yours. Through this message, you become the decision-makers! You personally. We have no human representative on Earth who could guide your decision. Why aren’t we visible?

At certain stages of evolution, cosmic “humanities” discover new forms of science beyond the apparent control of matter. Structured dematerialization and materialization are part of them. This is what your humanity has reached in a few laboratories, in close collaboration with other extra-terrestrial creatures at the cost of hazardous compromises that remain purposely hidden from you by some of your representatives.

Apart from the aerial or spatial objects or phenomena known about by your scientific community, that you call "UFOs," there are essentially multidimensional manufactured spaceships that apply these capacities. Many human beings have been in visual, auditory, tactile or psychic contact with such ships, some of which are under occult powers that govern you. The scarcity of your observations is due to the outstanding advantages provided by the dematerialized state of these ships. By not witnessing them by yourself, you cannot believe in their existence. We fully understand this.

The majority of these observations are made on an individual basis so as to touch the soul and not to modify any organized system. This is deliberate from the races that surround you but for very different reasons and results. For negative multidimensional beings that play a part in the exercise of power in the shadow of human oligarchy, discretion is motivated by their will to keep their existence and seizure unknown. For us, discretion is motivated by the respect of the human free will that people can exercise to manage their own affairs so that they can reach technical and spiritual maturity on their own.

Humankind’s entrance into the family of galactic civilizations is greatly expected. We can appear in broad daylight and help you attain this union. We haven’t done it so far, as too few of you have genuinely desired it, because of ignorance, indifference or fear, and because the emergency of the situation did not justify it. Many of those who study our appearances count the lights in the night without lighting the way. Often they think in terms of objects when it is all about conscious beings. Who are you?

You are the offspring of many traditions that throughout time have been mutually enriched by each others´ contributions. The same applies to the races at the surface of the Earth. Your goal is to unite in the respect of these roots to accomplish a common project. The appearance of your cultures seems to keep you separated because you substitute it to your deeper being. Shape is now more important than the essence of your subtle nature. For the powers in place, this prevalence of the shape constitutes the ramparts against any form of jeopardy.

You are being called on to overcome shape while still respecting it for its richness and beauty. Understanding the conscience of shape makes us love men in their diversity. Peace does not mean not making war, it consists in becoming what you are in reality: a same Fraternity. To understand this, the number of solutions within your reach are decreasing. One of them consists in contact with another race that would reflect the image of what you are in reality.

What is your situation? Except for rare occasions, our interventions always had very little incidence on your capacity to make collective and individual decisions about your own future. This is motivated by our knowledge of your deep psychological mechanisms. We reached the conclusion that freedom is built every day as a being becomes aware of himself and of his environment, getting progressively rid of constraints and inertias, whatever they may be. Despite the numerous, brave and willing human consciences, those inertias are artificially maintained for the profit of a growing centralizing power.

Until recently, mankind lived a satisfying control of its decisions. But it is losing more and more the control of its own fate because of the growing use of advanced technologies, which lethal consequences on the earthly and human ecosystems become irreversible. You are slowly but surely losing your extraordinary capacity to make life desirable. Your resilience will artificially decrease, independently of your own will. Such technologies exist that affect your body as well as your mind. Such plans are on their way. This can change as long as you keep this creative power in you, even if it cohabits with the dark intentions of your potential lords. This is the reason why we remain invisible. This individual power is doomed to vanish should a collective reaction of great magnitude not happen. The period to come is that of rupture, whichever it may be.

But should you wait for the last moment to find solutions? Should you anticipate or undergo pain? Your history has never ceased to be marked by encounters between peoples who had to discover one another in conditions that were often conflictual. Conquests almost always happened to the detriment of others. Earth has now become a village where everyone knows everyone else but still conflicts persist and threats of all kinds get worse in duration and intensity. Although a Human being as an individual, yet having many potential capacities, cannot exercise them with dignity. This is the case for the biggest majority of you for reasons that are essentially geopolitical. There are several billion of you. The education of your children and your living conditions, as well as the conditions of numerous animals and much plant life are nevertheless under the thumb of a small number of your political, financial, military and religious representatives.

Your thoughts and beliefs are modeled after partisan interests to turn you into slaves while at the same time giving you the feeling that you are in total control of your destiny, which in essence is the reality. But there is a long way between a wish and a fact when the true rules of the game at hand are unknown. This time, you are not the conqueror. Biasing information is a millenary strategy for human beings. Inducting thoughts, emotions or organisms that do not belong to you via ad hoc technologies is an even older a strategy. Wonderful opportunities of progress stand close to big subdual and destruction threats. These dangers and opportunities exist now. However, you can only perceive what is being shown to you. The end of natural resources is programmed whereas no long-term collective project has been launched. Ecosystem exhaustion mechanisms have exceeded irreversible limits. The scarcity of resources and their unfair distribution -- resources which entry price will rise day after day -- will bring about fratricide fights at a large scale, but also at the very heart of your cities and countrysides.

Hatred grows bigger but so does love. That is what keeps you confident in your ability to find solutions. But the critical mass is insufficient and a sabotage work is cleverly being carried out. Human behaviors, formed from past habits and trainings, have such an inertia that this perspective leads you to a dead end. You entrust these problems to representatives, whose conscience of common well being slowly fades away in front of corporatist interests, with those difficulties. They are always debating on the form but rarely on the content. Just at the moment of action, delays will accumulate to the point when you have to submit rather than choose.

This is the reason why, more than ever in your history, your decisions of today will directly and significantly impact your survival of tomorrow. What event could radically modify this inertia that is typical of any civilization? Where will a collective and unifying awareness come from, that will stop this blind rushing ahead? Tribes, populations and human nations have always encountered and interacted with one another. Faced with the threats weighing upon the human family, it is perhaps time that a greater interaction occurred. A great roller wave is on the verge of emerging. It mixes very positive but also very negative aspects.

Who is the “third party”? There are two ways to establish a cosmic contact with another civilization: via its standing representatives or directly with individuals without distinction. The first way entails fights of interests, the second way brings awareness. The first way was chosen by a group of races motivated by keeping mankind in slavery, thereby controlling Earth resources, the gene pool and human emotional energy. The second way was chosen by a group of races allied with the cause of the Spirit of service. We have, at our end, subscribed to this disinterested cause and introduced ourselves a few years ago to representatives of the human power who refused our outstretched hand on the pretext of incompatible interests with their strategic vision. That is why today individuals are to make this choice by themselves without any representative interfering. What we proposed in the past to those whom we believed were in a capacity to contribute to your happiness, we propose it now to... you!

Most of you ignore that non-human creatures took part in the exercise of those centralizing powers without them being neither suspected nor accessible to your senses. This is so true that they have almost very subtly taken control. They do not necessarily stand on your material plan, and that is precisely what could make them extremely efficient and frightening in the near future. However, be aware that a large number of your representatives are fighting this danger! Be aware that not all abductions are made against you. It is difficult to recognize the truth! How could you under such conditions exercise your free will when it is so much manipulated? What are you really free of?

Peace and reunification of your peoples would be a first step toward the harmony with civilizations other than yours. That is precisely what those who manipulate you behind the scenes want to avoid at all cost because, by dividing, they reign! They also reign over those who govern you. Their strength comes from their capacity to distillate mistrust and fear into you. This considerably harms your very cosmic nature. This message would be of no interest if these manipulators´ tutorate did not reach its peak and if their misleading and murderous plans did not materialize in a few years from now. Their deadlines are close and mankind will undergo unprecedented torments for the next ten cycles. To defend yourselves against this aggression that bears no face, you need at least to have enough information that leads to the solution. As is also the case with humans, resistance exists amongst those dominant races. Here again, appearance will not be enough to tell the dominator from the ally. At your current state of psychism, it is extremely difficult for you to distinguish between them. In addition to your intuition, training will be necessary when the time has come. Being aware of the priceless value of free will, we are inviting you to an alternative. What can we offer?

We can offer you a more holistic vision of the universe and of life, constructive interactions, the experience of fair and fraternal relationships, liberating technical knowledge, eradication of suffering, controlled exercise of individual powers, the access to new forms of energy and, finally, a better comprehension of consciousness.

We cannot help you overcome your individual and collective fears, or bring you laws that you would not have chosen, work on your own selves, individual and collective effort to build the world you desire, the spirit of quest to new skies. What would we receive? Should you decide that such a contact takes place, we would rejoice over the safeguarding of fraternal equilibrium in this region of the universe, fruitful diplomatic exchanges, and the intense Joy of knowing that you are united to accomplish what you are capable of. The feeling of Joy is strongly sought in the universe for its energy is divine. What is the question we ask you: DO YOU WISH THAT WE SHOW UP?

How can you answer this question? The truth of soul can be read by telepathy. You only need to clearly ask yourself this question and give your answer as clearly, on your own or in a group, as you wish. Being in the heart of a city or in the middle of a desert does not impact the efficiency of your answer, YES or NO, IMMEDIATELY AFTER ASKING THE QUESTION! Just do it as if you were speaking to yourself but thinking about the message. This is a universal question and these mere few words, put in their context, have a powerful meaning. You should not let hesitation in the way. This is why you should calmly think about it, in all conscience. In order to perfectly associate your answer with the question, it is recommended that you answer right after another reading of this message. Do not rush to answer. Breathe and let all the power of your own free will penetrate you. Be proud of what you are! The problems that you may have weaken you. Forget about them for a few minutes to be yourselves. Feel the force that springs up in you. You are in control of yourselves!

A single thought, a single answer can drastically change your near future, in one way as in another. Your individual decision of asking in your inner self that we show up on your material plan and in broad daylight is precious and essential to us. Even though you can choose the way that best suits you, rituals are essentially useless. A sincere request made with your heart and your own will will always be perceived by those of us whom it is sent to. In your own private polling booth of your secret will, you will determine the future. What is the lever effect?

This decision should be made by the greatest number among you, even though it might seem like a minority. It is recommended to spread this message, in all envisageable fashions, in as many languages as possible, to those around you, whether or not they seem receptive to this new vision of the future. Do it using a humorous tone or derision if that can help you. You can even openly and publicly make fun of it if it makes you feel more comfortable, but do not be indifferent for at least you will have exercised your free will. Forget about the false prophets and the beliefs that have been transmitted to you about us. This request is one of the most intimate that can be asked to you. Making a decision by yourself, as an individual, is your right as well as your responsibility! Passivity only leads to the absence of freedom.

Similarly, indecision is never efficient. If you really want to cling to your beliefs, which is something that we understand, then say NO. If you do not know what to choose, do not say YES because of mere curiosity. This is not a show, this is real daily life, WE ARE ALIVE! And living!

Your history has plenty of episodes when determined men and women were able to influence the thread of events in spite of their small number. Just like a small number is enough to take temporal power on Earth and influence the future of the majority, a small number of you can radically change your fate as an answer to the impotence in face of so much inertia and hurdles! You can ease the mankind’s birth to Brotherhood. One of your thinkers once said: “Give me a hand-hold and I’ll raise the Earth”. Spreading this message will then be the hand-hold to strengthen, we will be the light-years long lever, you will be the craftsmen to … raise the Earth as a consequence of our appearance. What would be the consequences of a positive decision?

For us, the immediate consequence of a collective favorable decision would be the materialization of many ships, in your sky and on Earth.

For you, the direct effect would be the rapid abandoning of many certitudes and beliefs. A simple conclusive visual contact would have huge repercussions on your future. Much knowledge would be modified forever. The organization of your societies would be deeply upheaved for ever, in all fields of activity. Power would become individual because you would see for yourself that we are living. Concretely, you would change the scale of your values! The most important thing for us is that humankind would form a single family in front of this “unknown” we would represent! Danger would slowly melt away from your homes because you would indirectly force the undesirable ones, those we name the “third party”, to show up and vanish. You would all bear the same name and share the same roots: Mankind!

Later on, peaceful and respectful exchanges would be thus possible if such is your wish. For now, he who is hungry cannot smile, he who is fearful cannot welcome us. We are sad to see men, women and children suffering to such a degree in their flesh and in their hearts when they bear such an inner light. This light can be your future. Our relationships could be progressive. Several stages of several years or decades would occur: demonstrative appearance of our ships, physical appearance beside human beings, collaboration in your technical and spiritual evolution, discovery of parts of the galaxy.

Every time, new choices would be offered to you. You would then decide by yourself to cross new stages if you think it necessary to your external and inner well-being. No interference would be decided upon unilaterally. We would leave as soon as you would collectively wish that we do. Depending upon the speed to spread the message across the world, several weeks, or even several months will be necessary before our “great appearance”, if such is the decision made by the majority of those who will have used their capacity to choose, and if this message receives the necessary support. The main difference between your daily prayers to entities of a strictly spiritual nature and your current decision is extremely simple: we are technically equipped to materialize! Why such a historical dilemma?

We know that “foreigners” are considered as enemies as long as they embody the “unknown”. In a first stage, the emotion that our appearance will generate will strengthen your relationships on a worldwide scale. How could you know whether our arrival is the consequence of your collective choice? For the simple reason that we would have otherwise been already there for a long time at your level of existence! If we are not there yet, it is because you have not made such a decision explicitly. Some among you might think that we would make you believe in a deliberate choice of yours so as to legitimate our arrival, though this would not be true. What interest would we have to openly offer you what you haven’t got any access to yet, for the benefit of the greatest number of you?

How could you be certain that this is not yet another subtle manoeuvre of the “third party” to better enslave you ? Because one always more efficiently fights something that is identified than the contrary. Isn’t the terrorism that corrodes you a blatant example? Whatever, you are the sole judge in your own heart and soul! Whatever your choice, it would be respectable and respected! In the absence of human representatives who could potentially seduce into error you ignore everything about us as well as from about those who manipulate you without your consent. In your situation, the precautionary principle that consists in not trying to discover us does no longer prevail. You are already in the Pandora´s box that the “third party” has created around you. Whatever your decision may be you will have to get out of it. In the face of such a dilemma, one ignorance against another, you need to ask your intuition. Do you want to see us with your own eyes, or simply believe what your thinkers say? That is the real question!

After thousands of years, one day, this choice was going to be inevitable: choosing between two unknowns. Why spread such a message among yourselves?

Translate and spread this message widely. This action will affect your future in an irreversible and historical way at the scale of millenniums, otherwise, it will postpone a new opportunity to choose to several years later, at least one generation, if it can survive. Not choosing stands for undergoing other people’s choice. Not informing others stands for running the risk of obtaining a result that is contrary to one’s expectations. Remaining indifferent means giving up one’s free will.

It is all about your future. It is all about your evolution.

It is possible that this invitation does not receive your collective assent and that, because of a lack of information, it will be disregarded. Nevertheless no individual desire goes unheeded in the universe. Imagine our arrival tomorrow. Thousands of ships. A unique cultural shock in today´s mankind´s history. It will then be too late to regret about not making a choice and spreading the message because this discovery will be irreversible. We do insist that you do not rush into it, but do think about it ! And decide! The big medias will not be necessarily interested in spreading this message. It is therefore your task, as an anonymous yet an extraordinary thinking and loving being, to transmit it.

You are still the architects of your own fate... DO YOU WISH THAT WE SHOW UP?

Positive mojo -- even WHACKO positive mojo -- can't hurt, especially these days. And anyway, at least it's not Vogon poetry. However, Da-da doubts if anyone will "show up" officially, preferring instead to the odd midnight cow levitation to make Da-da burgers.


Yesterday's Plastics Home of Tomorrow -- TODAY!

Given the Utter Corporate Lameness (UCL) going on in the world during the past... oh, 150 years, I've been wondering: how difficult was it for Disneyland to remove Monsanto's Plastic Home of the Future? And could this indeed be indicative of how hard it will be to extricate Monsteranto from our children's children's lives? This from Wikipedia:
"The house survived the introduction of New Tomorrowland in 1967, but closed shortly after, as Monsanto's attention shifted to their new sponsored attraction, Adventure Thru Inner Space. The building was so sturdy, that when demolition crews failed to demolish the house using wrecking balls, torches, chainsaws and jackhammers, the building was ultimately demolished by using choker chains to crush it into smaller parts. The reinforced polyester structure was so strong that the half-inch steel bolts used to mount it to its foundation broke before the structure itself did. The reinforced concrete foundation of the House of the Future was never removed. It currently exists in its original location, now found in the Pixie Hollow attraction. The foundation has been painted green and is currently in use as a planter."


Now, THAT'S recycling, corporate America style.

As per the above, here's a link to AcmeVaporware's exciting new SOUNDS page, featuring the above link, as a prime example of "Yesterday's Audio TOMORROW," not to mention Monsanto's vintage '60s corporate-speak.


Da-Da Fellini

The older I get, the more I feel like I'm trapped in a Fellini movie.



Yes, the oxymoronic, "RAINBOW BACON," has been achieved by supersecret bacon scientists working in secret in SECRETLAND, USA, part of ConAgra/Monsanto's 2010, "BACONFUSE AMERICA" initiative:

[Courtesy of BACON TODAY... yes, there's a BACON TODAY.]

The only problem with its ingestion, besides giving rabbis the technicolor hinkies, is that it seems to be associated with greater instances of these things (below) getting in the way of passenger jets and aliens:

The good news is that these turn out to be even TASTIER THAN BACON. But not as tasty as RAMPANT CAPITALIZATION. So, Tuesday's Rainbow Bacon Day has now syncretized into, "RAINBOW UNICORN-BACON TACOS" day. Mmmmm, unicorn-bacon tacos...


The Legend of Grampa Scotty

As very few of you know (how could you?), Da-da's dad is a dead... uh, LIVE ringer for James Doohan, better known to the world as "Scotty" from Star Trek. People stop him all the time for autographs -- seriously -- and then get really mad when he won't sign their assorted body parts! All the folks in the small town in Idaho (where he lives) think he's James Doohan in hiding.

To test this, Da-da showed his two boys part of that long silly scene in STTMP ("Star Trek: The Motion Picture" to you non-geeks) where Scotty toddles Kirk around the exterior of the new-and-improved Starship Enterprise in a space jitney for way too long. After about a minute, the face clicked and Bronko yelled:

"Da-da! It's Grampa Scotty!"

"Whoa. Grampa Scotty can pilot a space jitney," his brother said.


Da-da's not sure what's scarier, the Scotty connection, the fact that his 5YO knows what a space jitney is, or the fact that Da-da just used the words, "SPACE JITNEY" three times in the same paragraph. (Da-da's mom is, o'course, "Grandma Scotty" for continuity's sake.)

Anyway, Da-da did the above sweatshirt for Grampa Scotty -- AND HE ACTUALLY WEARS IT -- as his dad loves sweatshirts. Any bets on how long until Cafepress pulls the plug on this little gem? I'd say about ten minutes. [And Da-da was right.] Da-da got one made and sent it to Grandpa Scotty and people STILL think he's Scotty. If he wore a Star Trek uniform, he'd make a zillion dollars at Comicon.

See? They all know you're Grampa Scotty.


The BOON Stuporhighway

This video cost $48,000 in bladeless fans alone:

Hit it for the video.

HOLE FUDS is Here. No, Really.

We're here! And this pylon is working for a better tomorrow!

Hole Paycheck... er, Whole Foods just arrived near Da-da's friend's town. Inside the parking garage, their marketing dept. decided to wax marketing dept. -- in public -- with a set of their CORE VALUES. Nothing wrong with having core values...

Whole Foods Orb... RIGHT THERE. Er... left.

But wait, there's more! Zoom to the right of "OUR VALUES" and you see this gem.

This is awesome.

It's inspiring to see Core Values put so visibly into action, esp. in communitie that so value edumacation.

[UPDATE: Hole Foods has since fixed this abomination -- 4 months later. Why did they even mount it if it was wrong? Must all be stoned on hemp-kale-sanddab smoothies... not that there's anything wrong with that. That or they're outsourcing printed signage to Bangalore.]

[T-DAY UPDATE: Whole Fuds (in another location) gave Da-da's organic and pre-massaged 35 lb. turkey away to some Grandma-To-Be-Named-Later! The one he ordered a month in advance, hello? The turkey, not the grandma. They gave Da-da's bird to some blue hair with a sob story. Wait, that sentence doesn't look right. Anyway, Da-da is SURE that gramma's famdamily needs an organic free-range turkey that was force-fed Guinness for two years while watching reruns of BAYWATCH. (Turkeys love BAYWATCH. And Guinness. Who knew?) Oh, well. On to Plan B: Jack Daniels and LIVE CRABS.]
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