"Da-da, What Do You Do All Day?"

Glad you asked Da-da that, Bronko. Da-da makes sure things are well stocked...

...sculpts WHERE NO CAT'S GONE BEFORE...

...competes in Competitive Balling at a high level...

...turns fire hydrants into Cthulhydrants...

...violates physical laws...

...and he is his own boss. Any more questions?

That Mr. Mom Look of Parenthood

Mr. Moms get no respect. Must be the hat.

The Da-da is IN: Getting the Itch Out of Mosquito Bites (or, "Mosquito Bite Remedies That Don't Suck")

The best cure for mosquito bites is prevention, like Da-da's thick monster fur. But if you're lacking
in monster fur, or you've already been bitten by a monster or mosquito, use the following.

Mosquito bites are the price of summer, but there are a few counter-intuitive remedies available that take the sting away. The good news is that the below remedies are state-of-the-art AND old-fashioned, and of course, CHEAP. Best of all, neither use drugs or ointments.

1. First, there's this device:

The Therapik. The needle is only 3" long.

Yes, Da-da's kidding. It uses heat.

The Therapik heats the bite to 120/140 degrees F, neutralizing the venom. No, there's no needle. As per this site:

To relieve the pain, itching and swelling of insect bites, Therapik uses the focused application of heat to neutralize the venom. The reason the heat treatment works is that the venom of most common stinging and biting insects is thermolabile, meaning that high temperatures render it harmless.

Applied for less than a minute, Therapik concentrates heat (120° to 140°F/50° to 60°C) on a tiny target area so the heat penetrates as deeply as the venom without damaging surrounding tissue or causing pain.

Effective on the venom of bees, hornets, wasps, mosquitoes, blackflies, ants, jellyfish, fleas, ticks and even stinging nettle (not recommended on spider bites, snakebites or scorpion stings), it works best on fresh bites, but soothes even day-old ones.

It's only $14, and no, Da-da was not paid for this mention; he's not a shill, he just wants to help. This device works best carried in a backpack, and applied on fresh bites. However, there is a cheaper, equivalent home remedy that works just as well. 

Look at that spoon stand straight up. Now THAT'S Da-da coffee.
Yes, it's also a cure for mosquito bites.

2. The following is how Da-da ministers to Bronko and Nagurski, chronologically aged 7 and 9 (mentally/emotionally aged 2 and 2).

Da-da Disclaimer: Be careful, so you don't burn anyone. If you don't have any sense or nerves in your body, and/or you can't follow simple directions, best not try this yourself. In fact, you might want to just lock yourself in a box with a wombat.

Place a metal spoon in a mug of hot water or coffee -- water for coffee is about 190 degrees, so use a coffee maker or hot water spigot; you could also boil water, but be sure to let it cool a bit before using.  

Pull the spoon and blow on it a bit till it cools to around 140 degrees F, say about 10-20 seconds, depending on air temperature. (Da-da tests the spoon against his cheek for his kids, but you can use your hand, your arm, eyeball, the cat, whatever you want.) Apply the back of the heated spoon to the bite area and hold for 10-30 seconds. This magically takes the itch away and even works for old bites. This technique also works on the venom of bees, hornets, wasps, mosquitoes, blackflies, ants, jellyfish, fleas, ticks and even stinging nettle (not recommended on spider bites, snakebites or scorpion stings), but you should still seek mendical attention in any of those if you see any symptoms other tha the bite/sting. Please use common sense, which is fairly uncommon now, so we'll have to call it someone else. 

Note that this heat remedy should be done, as needed. Da-da's youngest just got severely eaten alive at a pool party and Da-da had to use the hot spoon therapy twice in six hours before the itching vanished. Again, it really helps to apply this immediately after bites/stings.
 

Note: some mosquito bites are worse than others.

Wotan's... er, WEDNESDAY at The Non Sequitur

Future grandma's coded knock suggests Wednesday's cake may be full of WHOA.
Either that or the door knob's missing again.

Apple's Original Logo Sin? A Scrumpified Photo-ish Essay

One of the things Da-da's always done, personally and professionally -- and is indeed known for, besides air-baths in France -- is thinking sideways. It's what Da-da does. Case-in-point: the Apple logo. Let's look at their old logo:

Hm. If you're of a religious bent, or you've taken way too many art history classes like Da-da, this image immediately screams:

Scrumpy is better.

Um, Da-da means the action (Original Sin) and not the hard cider. (Alas, it's not real Scrumpy, which is 40 proof.) Originally speaking, here's your basic O-Sin moment:

"Here, honey. Eat this. A talking snake gave it to me."

Does this mean that Jobs and Wozniak were making some kind of religio-/socio-/genderio-/politico- statement with their Apple logo? Were they implying that ALL Apple products and indeed all computers in general are inherently demon-possessed?? Any IT human knows the answer to that one. Alas, the answer is NO. Well, NO for the apple thing, not computers being demon-possessed. Anyway, here's the original Apple logo, which is a sin in itself:

Yup. It's the whole Newton thing. Not nearly as juicy. And for the record, the apple just fell off of a tree Newton was sitting near, it didn't hit him on the head. Oh, and Archimedes invented calculus 2000 years previously, before insulting the wrong Roman guard and transitioning into one of Da-da's math teachers.

Hold it, you're both wrong! This from Wikipedia:

According to Steve Jobs, Apple was so named because Jobs was coming back from an apple farm, and he was on a fruitarian diet. He thought the name was "fun, spirited and not intimidating".^[208]

Apple's first logo, designed by Ron Wayne, depicts Sir Isaac Newton sitting under an apple tree. It was almost immediately replaced by Rob Janoff's "rainbow Apple", the now-familiar rainbow-colored silhouette of an apple with a bite taken out of it. Janoff presented Jobs with several different monochromatic themes for the "bitten" logo, and Jobs immediately took a liking to it.

Why did Steve immediately take a liking to it? Because in his mind he'd made a number of connections -- not the least of which is the one Da-da mentioned earlier. Da-da knows this for a fact because he has Steve Jobs here in a big glass case, pickled and covered in electrodes, per his last wish.

Did anyone crank the OSX Mavericks superfluid with the latest pickle-urn update?

In reality, sin-wise, there is no Original Sin. You are perfect and whole and innocent and you've never done anything wrong and you're safe in Happy Cloud Land right now, surrounded by loved ones... and, well, pure love -- REAL love, not that oozy hairy '70s kinda love.

Seriously. Look around. This whole Original Sin thing was merely a tale meant to make the masses feel guilty and easier to control. It's still used today, though the wheels on that bus are starting to wobble something awful.

Speaking of disturbing, THIS is the Ultimate in IT Bathroom Reading:

The ULTIMATE in IT Bathroom Reading.

Pick a page and read out loud. Guaranteed laughter. It's for IT/networking people, but normal people might get it. Those who are weird. And perhaps disturbed. It's all related to the above e-ghoulash, Da-da promises.

That Mr. Mom Look of Parenthood

How Mr. Moms feel every day.

Halloween is Coming...

...time to blow-dry Da-da's skeleton!

The Awesome Simulacra of Mystical Statistical Correlation and Inexplicable Insistence

So. This happened a little while ago. Look familiar?

Now does it look familiar? You know what this means, right?

Should be fairly obvious.

Machu Picchu is a prehistoric culture-blog stat chart. In stone.

The Word at The Fed: Garmonbozia

Here is all your pain and suffering. Banksters find it delicious.

Da-da's Most-Downloaded Pic of 2012

Yes, it's BOB the tumbleweed! Bob the tumbleweed? Bob received tens of thousands of hits from all over the world. Go figure. Bob is dry, transient, unsatisfying, leaves stickers wherever he goes (which are actually seeds for more sticker bushes) and is as fitting a monument for 2012 as you're gonna get. So long, Bob.

Duo-floor B-ball in the Quad-Shoe... Huh?

"Looks like the Morvalia Morlocks have caught Chicanery State flat-footed, Jim."
"Yeah, they're really pounding the boards, tonight."

Da-da's Calculus of Creepy Halloween Images (YIKES Category)

Um, no thanks.

It's Always Superlatives Week

Best cat floor cleaner. In 3-D.

The PTA That Fell to Earth

"See? It says so right here under Bylaws & Restrictions:
'ALL PTA MEMBERS MUST HAVE SILVER... oh.'"

Why Humans Can't Build Flying Saucers

A Sign Unto You

We're on a mission from God.

Da-da Has Landed

"Hey! Keep it down. Nothing to see here. Damn alien probes. Any snacks on that thing?"
(img src: successisnotanoption)

Scenes From Da-da's Mind-Roasting Summer

Ah, a typical summer day with kids out of school.

The Word at The Fed: Garmonbozia

At

At The Fed, it's always time for garmonbozia.

Friday Night Spooky: Got Simulacra?

That's actually a spooky video still, but it's not active. You can see it HERE.

Is it just Da-da, or is this recent peak-energy clip from the X-1.4 solar flar from the July 12th blast the spookiest looking damn solar flare ever? Besides the ferocious, bearded Masonic triangle death-hat firelord guy -- with some weird energy figure inside the triangle -- there are what look like FACES everywhere. Da-da's hoping this is a good thing... but they all look pretty grumpy. Got simulacra? Can Da-da even spell simulacra?

Da-da for one is sending a massive giggle tsunami out into space to DEFEAT this lame-ass grumpfest -- unless it's a GOOD thing. Then Da-da will merely be tickling happy mojo spirit friends (HMSFs). Either way, the energy will be here at 09:17 UT (5:17 am EDT) tomorrow, Saturday, July 14th. Weirdest thing is it's due here at the exact same time Da-da's oldest boy, Nagurski, was born exactly seven years ago.

Happy Bastille Day, everyone. Happy b-day, Nagurski. Let's hope your candle isn't lit by the sun.