Da-da's Most-Downloaded Pic of 2012

Yes, it's BOB the tumbleweed! Bob the tumbleweed? Bob received tens of thousands of hits from all over the world. Go figure. Bob is dry, transient, unsatisfying, leaves stickers wherever he goes (which are actually seeds for more sticker bushes) and is as fitting a monument for 2012 as you're gonna get. So long, Bob.

Of Rocks, Dead Rights, and a Tumbleweed Named Bob

Da-da loves this true family story, as it aptly details an important aspect of his complex clan. The following may give the gentle reader some inkling to the twisted Godzillas and trolls and Superfund sites lurking beneath the pleasingly carefree, totemic menus of Da-da ontological taco stand.

Envision a bright summer day in the midwest 60 years ago. Doves and bunnies leap about in gay '50s abandon. (You could say, "GAY ABANDON," back then without bursting into flame.) Da-da's father, then a teen -- the infamous Grampa Scotty, whose birthday is this week -- driving with his own grandpa, a feisty five-foot-seven relic of epic force and moment. You've heard of the rock and the hard place? Great gramps was both. Let's call him ROCK.

Anyway, teen Gramps and Rock were driving along when they came to a four-way stop. There was a bit of traffic, and everyone seemed to be behaving themselves, observing the rules of right of way. When it came his turn, the driver of the car (call it #1) to Rock's right started across the intersection... when suddenly the driver of the car behind him (#2) decided to skip his turn and follow car #1 right through the intersection.

The Legend of Grampa Scotty

As very few of you know (how could you?), Da-da's dad is a dead... uh, LIVE ringer for James Doohan, better known to the world as "Scotty" from Star Trek. People stop him all the time for autographs -- seriously -- and then get really mad when he won't sign their assorted body parts! All the folks in the small town in Idaho (where he lives) think he's James Doohan in hiding.

To test this, Da-da showed his two boys part of that long silly scene in STTMP ("Star Trek: The Motion Picture" to you non-geeks) where Scotty toddles Kirk around the exterior of the new-and-improved Starship Enterprise in a space jitney for way too long. After about a minute, the face clicked and Bronko yelled:

"Da-da! It's Grampa Scotty!"

"Whoa. Grampa Scotty can pilot a space jitney," his brother said.

"Whoa."

Da-da's not sure what's scarier, the Scotty connection, the fact that his 5YO knows what a space jitney is, or the fact that Da-da just used the words, "SPACE JITNEY" three times in the same paragraph. (Da-da's mom is, o'course, "Grandma Scotty" for continuity's sake.)

Anyway, Da-da did the above sweatshirt for Grampa Scotty -- AND HE ACTUALLY WEARS IT -- as his dad loves sweatshirts. Any bets on how long until Cafepress pulls the plug on this little gem? I'd say about ten minutes. [And Da-da was right.] Da-da got one made and sent it to Grandpa Scotty and people STILL think he's Scotty. If he wore a Star Trek uniform, he'd make a zillion dollars at Comicon.

See? They all know you're Grampa Scotty.