Da-da vs. Robot Telemarketer

Da-da just got a very real-sounding call from a sweet-sounding robot female trying to sell Da-da an extended car warranty. The slight delay in response time gave it away... as did its responses. To verify its humanity, Da-da started asking the robot questions:
Da-da: "Are you a real human, or a robot?"
Robot: "I am a real human. If you'd like to take advantage of our..."
Da-da: "What's today's date?"
Robot: "I am a real human, but I'm only allowed to read an approved script."
Da-da: "What's the weather like where you are?"
Robot: "I'd have to refer you to a specialist to answer that question."
Da-da: "You mean a robot specialist?" 
Robot: "I'd have to refer you to a specialist to answer that question."
Da-da: "Did you know that the kings of Peru were the Incas..."
Robot: "That is interesting..."
Da-da: "...but they got to be known as Big Drincas..."
Robot: "Yes. Shall I...?"
Da-da: "They worshipped the sun and had lots of fun..."
Robot: "Yes. I have an exciting..."
Da-da: "...but the peasants all thought they were Stincas."
Robot: "I'll transfer you to a specialist."
Da-da: "Of that, I have no doubt."
These days, robots are people, too.

"The human is on to us."

[Note: the above limerick belongs to Bennett Cerf, not Da-da.]


So, No More Death From Within? (Or is That Monsanto's Job, Now?)

Hi. Da-da's not being political, he has a question. In Obama's most recent SOTU address, he said:
To every mayor, governor, and state legislator in America, I say, you don’t have to wait for Congress to act; Americans will support you if you take this on.  And as a chief executive, I intend to lead by example. Profitable corporations like Costco see higher wages as the smart way to boost productivity and reduce turnover. We should too.  In the coming weeks, I will issue an Executive Order requiring federal contractors to pay their federally-funded employees a fair wage of at least $10.10 an hour – because if you cook our troops’ meals or wash their dishes, you shouldn’t have to live in poverty.
Ok, besides the fact that he's bypassing Congress (Congress minds the store, not the President) and that's kinda illegal and against the rules set up by the original writers of the Constitution -- and the fact that this act basically drives up all the other wages, but that's ok, it's not his money, Da-da's real question is this:

WHY DOESN'T THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE AND MARINES MAKE THEIR OWN FOOD AND WASH THEIR OWN DISHES?? What, no more death from within? No more Navy I-can-walk-on-it coffee? Da-da knows what you're thinkin', sarge...

You're thinkin', "THAT'S A BIG COOKIE." And you're right. But why are WE the People paying for the armed forces (and every other federal service) to have dish washers and cooks when virtually none of us have that luxury. Like everyone else, you folks can do it yourselves -- and HAVE done it for a bazillion years. Da-da guarantees it'll be cheaper if the armed forces and everyone else in government goes back to doing their own culinary dirtywork. CORN WOMAN says so.

Corn Woman says it's a GOOD IDEA.


Da-da's Definitions for a Small Planet: "Taxiderby"

"Dada, what's Taxiderby?"

"That's where they race dead stuffed animals around a figure-eight racetrack, but people only go to those things to watch dead stuffed animals crash."



Indy, Why Does the Floor Move?

It's Wednesday. Where's Da-da's Head?

Is THIS Da-da's head?
Or this??
This doesn't FEEL like Da-da's head...
...nor does... this...one.
Wait... this isn't Da-da's head.
This is Da-da's head. Not an improvement.


A River of Kids Runs Through It

Why can't they just SHARE the Legos? The Eggos? Why don't Legos have legs? Do Eggos have legs?
Did we leave the Eggos and Legos in the Winnebago? Lego my manchego Eggo placebo...


Three (Nearly) Solved Mysteries for a Saturday Evening: Elliptical Halos, Pyramidal Light Pillars and... SIBLING RIVALRY?

As recently reported at SpaceWeather, scientists are puzzled as to how elliptical ice halos like the one above form in the atmosphere. Physicists were looking at specific shapes of ice crystals for the cause, but Da-da thinks it might be simpler than that. All you need to recreate this is a flashlight and a small sheet of glass.

Hold the flashlight away from you, with the piece of glass (representing the ice crystals) between you and the light beam. Hold the glass normal/perpendicular to the beam. Now change the aspect ratio of the glass, so that it tilts side to side, up or down. Notice how the light circle the beam makes on the glass changes to that of an oval. Ice crystals in the air mimic this with changes in wind direction/aspect normal to the light source, creating the elliptical halo we see above.

That could also be contributing to light pillar phenomema in cold climates, but Da-da's not convinced about that one. Speaking of light pillars...

...these kind are bizarre. Da-da has no explanation, save for unicorns. It's ALWAYS unicorns these days. (Jeez, when was it NOT?) It's interesting to note that Central American pyramids were constructed with huge sheets of Brazilian mica at specific levels. Why? Perhaps to make great light pillars. Or perhaps they left an inner mica-free channel in the inner part of the pyramid to... channel energy? Create a beacon to come see the Mayan Unicorn Show? Da-da has no idea, and he doubts anyone's going to let him dissect a Central American pyramid anytime soon. (Da-da will do it cheap, btw.)

As for sibling rivalry...

Looks like it's working!
Da-da's latest sibling rivalry experiment involves quilted vests, duct tape collars, foil-lined helmets and silver body paint. Stay tuned.


Mars Moving Rock Anomaly Solved?

Whatever it is, it didn't fall off the Rover, as suggested by NASA. See the two little marks, before and after?

In an interesting, but far from surprising development with the Mars Rover, a "rock" has apparently moved between the shutdown of the Rover a month ago (due to "bad weather," apparently) and a recent rebooting of the thing. The "rock" can be seen above, before and after shutdown, with Da-da's red arrows showing that whatever the object is, it's not dropped into the frame from above or fallen off a wheel, as NASA has suggested. It's been there all along, having pivoted about 30 degrees to the left. Scientists are, "baffled," of course. What else is new?

This forces the rest of us to envision some interesting possibilities:

1. The rock is simply a rock, and temperature differentials -- or water ice beneath the surface -- caused the rock to burst upward and twist. This is admittedly odd, as none of the other rocks seems to have moved, but possible. Anyone remember this strange ice property that was documented a few years ago?

It's possible that water ice beneath the surface did something exotic like the above and twisted the little chunk of rock.

2. It's an animal, albeit a strange one. It's entirely possible that animal life looks very much like the surrounding countryside, which makes you wonder if there are predators about making that kind of camouflage necessary. But the pivoting of the two small marks TOWARDS the Rover make it appear as if an animal has popped up to look at the probe and wonder if it's paid the proper fee to be parked where it is.

3. It was disturbed by the rover itself. Looks pretty rocky, so it might not have left a track. And it does look like the rock was twisted up, perhaps caught in a wheel as it was twisting.

Is that Cameron Mitchell? ON MARS??

4. It was disturbed by someone walking around the rover.  Jeez, every time we turn around, NASA is having problems with this and that -- esp. when things get interesting -- with Impromptu System Shutdown being the order of the day. Ever wonder why that is? This was what we did in IT all the time when we were bored, but NASA seems to do it all the time with their probes and satellites, perhaps hiding things they don't want us to see. Exploration, indeed. Try OBFUSCATION. Perhaps NASA knew a team was going to be moving through the area to scrub the place of anything they didn't want us to see... ah, but that sounds conspiratorial, and we all know that there ARE no real conspiracies, right? Right. 9/11 was terrorists. Wars are about resources and ideologies. Sure.

Here's how much that's gonna cost you...

There's an easy way to find out what really happened: take another damn picture. Or better still, MOVE IN ON THE DAMN THING AND GRAB IT. Whomever controls all these space probes and satellites either has no curiosity (so to speak), or they have an agenda we're not aware of. Or they're just dumb. Smart, but dumb. Like all three branches of government.

Speaking of dumb, anyone recall these interesting Mars anomalies that were glossed over and never checked out?

Look! A sign post up ahead! Next stop: The STOP-LIGHT ZONE.

Remember this one? The Mars white sign post? All NASA had to do was roll the damn probe toward the thing for about ten minutes and we'd have known what it was. But is NASA CURIOUS about the world? About other worlds? No. They just like paying scientists to fist-pump. So why do they name their missions, "Curiosity" and the like? The same reason the U.S. Govt. labels missions like, "Patriot" and "Freedom" and "Homeland Security": it's oxymoronic PR spin/mind control in action.

Or this one?

The first version of this image Da-da saw off of Google Mars, before Google de-rezzed it after its discovery,
was crystal clear. It was clearly a planetary exploration base, with well-defined modules and outbuildings.

Remember the Mars Base someone found on Google Mars? Then, after it was discovered, Google not only de-rezzed the image, but later smeared it, thus:

That's not suspicious at all. Nice work, Mr. Malfoy.

666 on the tail. Hmm.

Personally, these days when Da-da comes across the acronym, "NASA" it makes him look the other way in disgust. NASA and the U.S. Govt. are all in the same feckless lifeboat of lies. Where's a good, strategic, revolutionary tsunami when you need one? Oh, right. It's on Mars. Never mind.

UPDATE: The following color image has appeared, making it quite clear wat happened.

A NASA engineer left his stash in the Rover one night, prior to launch, and failed to retrieve it. He is now, predictably, bummin'. Seriously, if you look at this thing in B&W at the top of this post, it's looking more and more like an animal. Or a burrito wrapper. One of those. Like Da-da says above, ZOOM IN ON THE DAMN THING. Jeez, like youth, science is wasted on the wrong scientists.

Our Lady of ZAP



Heliomancy 101: The Three Faces of Sol

Pick your daily fortune-face...mood-face?... from today's sun. This one's lipstick is mussed.

This one... mmm, no.

Ah. Da-da's going with this one.


Were You Going to Finish That?

"Good evening, my name is Merlin and I'll be your cat this evening. Were you going to finish that?"


That End-of-Week Look of Parenthood

"Why didn't you boys tell Da-da the toilet was clogged?! Good God, WHAT have you been eating?!


THE END for The End

Don't say it again, or Da-da's gonna lose it.

Does anyone recall the Second Bush bringing up Gog and Magog with (now former) French President Blacque Jacques Chirac? "Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East," Bush said to Chirac. Later, Chirac wondered, publicly, if everyone in the U.S. was equally mad. Sadly, we still have people with this mindset in government, in multiple countries. Here it is, working in Japan.

Da-da's written about this before, but it's time for that line in the sand, folks, or Da-da's gonna go ape. (Is that apocalyptic?) Yes, it's time for We the People of Earth to officially regard apocalyptic thinking, and especially ACTING OUT on apocalyptic thinking, as what it is: a mental health issue. But wait, there's more.

Da-da posits that it be made illegal for the extollers of apocalyptic ideas to be eligible for any government, public or advisory post in any way, shape or form. You can write about them all you want, and talk about them with your insane little cronies, but you CANNOT hold political office, or whisper in the ears of world leaders.

This act is of course retroactive and applicable to all those who currently hold political, judicial, military and sundry advisory positions. If you think that you need to act to bring about the end of the world for any reason, you need to take a number and have a seat and your rubber room and meds will be made available, shortly.

This goes for all countries. Too many people in too many countries across the millennia have fomented and acted on too many silly end-of-the-world thought systems (which you can review below), hurting countless people across countless generations. Da-da's pretty sure whole planets have been destroyed because this form of mental illness was tolerated -- or worse, exemplified. Apocalyptic thoughts and their thinkers are insane, and wouldn't it be nice to restore sanity to the human race? Having leaders of countries, or their advisors possess and ACT on such such thoughts is officially untolerable. Time for we as a species to put an end to it.

And if someone chimes in with a reference to the Scofield Bible...
Pre-tribulation rapture theology was developed in the 1830s by John Nelson Darby and the Plymouth Brethren,[12] and popularized in the United States in the early 20th century by the wide circulation of the Scofield Reference Bible.[13]
...Da-da will become yet another example of mental illness. Folks, this whole RAPTURE thing was invented by a Scottish minister in 1830 and everyone in Scotland thought he was crazy. His silly thoughts only gained traction when they planted themselves in Texas in the '20s. This idea is less than 200 years old. Don't feed it anymore.

As Da-da mentioned, below the giant ape (below) you'll find nearly every historic, footnoted recap of wondrous apocalyptic thinking that failed -- or will fail. However, for those who simply must have the world end so they can have their feet rubbed by slaves in Heaven, it's a foregone conclusion that we're all on a collision course with the Andromeda Galaxy, and that we only have 4-5 million years left in which to build a starship, plot a course for an M-class planet, and get the hell outta here. All the rest of you whackos can STAY and watch the fireworks. Have a nice time.

Indeed, the actual end of the world will occur the next time Da-da turns into a giant ape, WHICH COULD HAPPEN AT ANY MOMENT. Oh, wait...

Uh oh.

(Comprehensive list of apocalyptic dates after the jump. Your future may vary -- a lot.)


Wednesday's Needed Violin Loopage

There are lots of these loop videos on YouTube, but I'd not seen anyone use this song, which was clearly made for this technique. And below is another guy improvising with the same technique, but with better acoustics. Humans are at their best when they're making music.


What's Your Blues Name?

That's right, baby -- Da-da is Bling Kong Melon. Solid, Jackson.
An old trumpet player once said to Da-da, "Man, The Blues ain't nuthin' but a good man feelin' bad,"
... unless you got yourself a great Blues name.

Tuesday at The Non Sequitur

Words fail Da-da.


UPDATE: God-DOES-Play-Dice-With-the-Universe -- At Least in Mexico City

So. Unless our eyes deceive us and that's just a VERY large bigfoot throwing a monster Fedex box out of the sun (filled with attorneys they sent back), then the above really *is* a GIGANTIC BOX (or cube if you're a purist) coming out of the sun on 4/29-4/30/13. Just to recap, glitches don't typically transit from inside the sun's corona. Or they do, in this case. In multiple wavelengths. OR perhaps that's a huge die -- which means that, contrary to what Einstein said, God really DOES play dice with the universe. Place your bets.

[Ok, let's try a little math... the above object moves approx. 20 earths-worth of distance in 12 hours... Earth's diameter = 12,756 km. 20 x 12,756 = 255,120 km... D=RT... 255,120 = R x 12... so, God's die is moving approx. 21,000 kph. Pretty slow for a giant die-cube UFO glitch.]


And then we have this recent tidbit from Mexico City, from Dec. 31st: an all-black cube.

A sighting marred only by the guy's annoying gum-chewing.
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