That Mr. Mom Look of Parenthood

Mr. Moms get no respect. Must be the hat.

Art For Your Millennium

That Mr. Mom Look of Parenthood

How Mr. Moms feel every day.

Halloween is Coming...

...time to blow-dry Da-da's skeleton!

The Word at The Fed: Garmonbozia

Here is all your pain and suffering. Banksters find it delicious.

The Wrath of Mom

Uh oh. Ma-ma got the torch out. You guys better run while Da-da distracts her with smoochage...

A Sign Unto You

We're on a mission from God.

"Da-da, Does Psychic Jesus Have Video Games?"

Besides offering pizza and video games, Brother J is now apparently psychic. Right ON.

An inexplicable verbal exchange from seconds ago:

5YO Bronko: "Da-da, does Psychic Jesus have video games?"
Da-da (long pause): "What?"
5YO Bronko: "DOES Psychic Jesus have video games?!"
Da-da: "Psychic Jesus??"
5YO Bronko (getting flustered): "You KNOW. The place with the pizza!"
Da-da: "Ooooooooh. You mean the place where Vlad's having his birthday party?"
5YO Bronko: "YEEES. Psychic Jesus. Do they have video games or NOT?!"
Da-da: "Of course. All spiritual leaders offer pizza and video games in their restaurants."
5YO Bronko: "Mm."
Da-da: "And they always know your order before you order it."
5YO Bronko: "Good."

The Word at The Fed: Garmonbozia

At

At The Fed, it's always time for garmonbozia.

Happy B-Day, Grandma Scotty

It's not a celebration if the smoke alarm doesn't go off.

Fear & Loathing Becomes Da-da: The Brady Bunch

 
Now that it's officially summer, it's SO time for fetish rehashing. Don't worry, you all love fetish rehashing.

Speaking of entirely tenable segues, The Brady Bunch invokes both fetish and solace AND dread -- no, really -- in a combination Nietzschean/Xmas dervishnessity (what?) and Julie Andrewsian Halloween horreur sympathique that can only be removed with eloquence wax. Bad writing aside, The Brady Bunch conjures SOLACE in Da-da, as it reminds him of his insane, singular childhood, which revolved around his sibling, TELEVISION, and dreadwise as The Brady Bunch reminds Da-da of his insane, singular childhood -- and the horror he could've experienced if he'd not had the good sense to stop having psychotic children. Does that read right?

Yes, Da-da starts to sweat when he thinks about living in the same house with six kids, with each sex sharing a group room -- and those rooms abutt one another -- not to mention the fact that both factions share a common bathroom. Six kids + one bathroom = more dead spouses, provided one of the spouses doesn't go Freddy.

Then there's the unspoken question about what exactly happened to Greg and Carol Brady's previous spouses. It's never mentioned. They're both mysteriously labeled as, "widowers," both of them looking innocent with blue suitcases around them, but the details are always glossed over, and what's really in the suitcases? Are all these smiling, happy-faced white people closet axe murderers? Or schizoid poisoners? Recalcitrant, ham-handed pastry chefs? Unrepentant ROTARIANS?? Come on, anyone with three boys is a suspect for going off the deep end, three girls not so much: with three girls you pretty much just wake up with your toenails painted and your hair braided. Team up three boys and you've got Lord of the Flies.

And what, pray tell, happened to Fluffy, the girls' cat which they could not live without in the first episode? Was it, like the two dead spouses, stuffed and mounted in the Brady's secret family crypt, rumored to exist deep below the Brady manse? Or fed to Tiger, the dog? And did this unspoken tie-in between the dead cat and rotting spouses in the blue suitcases have anything to do with Florence Henderson hawking Wesson oil?? Disgusting.

So many unanswered questions. So little interest. Suffice to say that Da-da has an eidetic memory and has every inane theme song, smell and image from the '70s memorized, which might give you, gentle reader, some deep-pile shag understanding of The Gothic Horror that is Da-da.

An estranged and bitter Fluffy still stalks some of the Brady Bunch cast.

Da-da's Glamor Night Job is All Glamory

Freddy... er, Da-da says, "Come again! Da-da slime you long-time!"

So, Da-da's taken a break from being Bad Mall Santa Da-da and the Easter Bunny during off-school hours to be... Frog-Headed Guy! Seems some weird all-night shoppers in some weird all-night markets reeeally like this kinda thing and, well... Da-da makes awesome frog noises, so you do the math. The late-night things Da-da does to help bring home the sushi. Too bad he has kid duty during the day. Luckily, store management lets Da-da wear the frog head home! The boys love it. Ma-ma LOVES it. (Once you've been with a frog, you never go back.) Speaking of the impossible, where's Doug and Emmy Jo? (No one's getting that one.)

Do the Da-da Dance

When all your brain cells are dead... you might as well dance.

"Woke Up, It Was a Badger Morning..."

"Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger..."
What? You don't know the Badger song/dance?
"Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger..."

Hey...

Hey, is that Da-da coffee Da-da smells? Or are you just glad to see him?

"Da-da, What Do You Do When We're in School?"

Da-da processes the unprocessable. Or is that strums the unstrummable? Bit of both.

The PTA Has Risen From the Grave

School administrators in a rare future planning meeting.

It's Thursday...

...and Da-da's power animal looks pissed. At least Da-da's squirrel chakra is spinning clockwise.

Happy Birthday, Senore Moriondo

BOING. Looks awake, doesn't he? He should.

Who is this severely caffeinated man, you ask? THIS... is your hero. Yup. This is the guy who Starbucks and Peet's and all the rest of you serious coffee drinkers owe big time, as he was the first to invent a machine to send steam through coffee. Yes, it's the original Italian Mr. Coffee, Senore Angelo Moriondo, the guy who invented espresso. Da-da is sacrificing many beans to Sr. Moriondo today -- well, every day, and then, only tangentially, as Da-da makes seriously deranged INSTANT DA-DA COFFEE, which could perhaps explain why Da-da looks like a golem half the time (though the wordS on Da-da's head read, "YOUR NAME HERE"), as well as why Da-da hasn't slept since the War of the Roses... but also, most importantly for you, it might indicate exactly WHY Da-da can't seem to stake this vampire sentence... DIE, SENTENCE, DIE! There. It also might explain why that pesky spoon won't fall over, but then again, physical laws don't always work around Da-da. What was the question, again?

Da-da coffee is always intense.

And Now For Something Completely Garmonbozian

It's always time for Garmonbozia.