Halloween is Coming

"Dick Cheney/Dracula party of 666,666... your table is ready."

Darth-n-Drac #1

That Semi-Permanent Look of Parenthood

THIS is truly the look of parenthood, in case you were wondering. But take heart,
it does seem to fade after a couple hundred years, depending on how much
virgin blood/Da-da coffee one ingests.

It's Thursday and You Know What That Means

Time to start girding one's loins for tonight's T-ball train wreck.

Parenting Horror 101: That Vincent Price Moment

What did you say, Timmy?

All parents have that Vincent Price moment of abject parental horror, that quick notion that occurs during endless tantrummage where even sane parents contemplate throwing their adorable rabid wolverine tot into that vat of acid, or that cauldron of molten wax -- or if you're a modernist, out the airlock. Da-da has mentally chucked his children out the airlock more times than you've had hot dinners. Like any sane and sober Rotarian robot parent, Da-da never actually does this (not that you know of), but it does occur to Da-da about a thousand times a day. And yes, Da-da does pass for SANE, at least on TV. Of course, instead of acting on this terrible impulse, Da-da writes about it, makes fun of it, keeps detailed notes about it for his trial, etc. All parents feel like launching one or all of their progeny into the sun on occasion. It's normal. But wearing a dracula costume all day and singing, "THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUSICCC..." is not normal -- IT'S MANDATORY. Jeez, the neighbors are so judgmental.

Da-da doesn't always wear the cape. Or remember all the lyrics.

That Dracula Look of Pre-Parenthood, or...

...How I Bit Your Mother. (Ow. Sorry.)

That Dracula Look of Parenthood

Da-da has risen from the grave and he wants you to do your freakin' homework. And find the Visine.

That Dracula Look of Parenthood

Get off your brother, NOW!

"WHY, Da-da, WHY?"

 

Why?

The Fearless Monster Hunters Look at... THE HORROR OF DRACULA

Your vampire butt is SO staked. Hope you packed your sunscreen.

This week, the boys review, THE HORROR OF DRACULA, the one that kickstarted it all back in 1958. It was the first vampire horror movie by Hammer, and catapulted Christopher Lee to legendary vampireness. Vampiricity? Vampirinia? Anyway, the movie's waaaay tame by postmodern vamp-saturated (vamp-sat) tastes, such that even small children (well, Da-da's small children) can watch without being fazed or overusing parentheticals. (Shut up.) Note that the boys were a bit confused seeing Christopher Lee as Count Dracula, as they knew him first as Count Dooku from the first three Star Wars films (such as they are). Da-da explained that Count Dooku used to be Count Dracula, a vampire from Transylvania, who was asked to be a Jedi when he turned good, but fell back to his dark-side/vamp-bad nature... and they were somehow ok with this. Da-da's raisin' 'em right. Either that, or they weren't listening, which is more likely, Occam's Razor notwithstanding. What? Never mind. Onward.

The Fearless Monster Hunters Review... THE HORROR OF DRACULA

Da-da: Ok, boys. First off, did this movie scare you?
Nagurski (6YO): No.
Bronko (4YO): No.

Da-da: Not even a little?
Nagurski: Nope.
Bronko: No way.
Nagurski: We know about vampires, Da-da.

D-d: What was the movie about?
N: Vampires. Sure had a lot of plot. Too much plot. Needed more biting. Count Dooku as the vampire was good, though.
B: Vampires bite because they wear the wrong jewelry. Dracula's ring was all alone in the end. Where was his light saber?
N: Yeah. Dooku used a red lightsaber.

D-d: Are vampires real?
N: Noooo. 
B: No such thing.

D-d: Are Jedi knights real?
N: No. 
B: It's just a movie, Da-da.

D-d: If vampires invaded your town, what would you do?
N: I would use a cross. And the sun. And hide all the sunscreen. A lightsaber would be good, too.
B: I would grow up and jump through the window and let the sun in to make them turn to dust.

D-d: What are vampires, anyway?
N: Monsters that eat your blood. They have sharp teeth and red eyes and don't talk much. They should definitely wear sunscreen.
B: They have a magic ring that makes them vampires. And yeah, sunscreen.

D-d: What was your favorite part of DRACULA?
N: I liked all of it. Especially the part where Count Dooku dried up because he didn't use enough sunscreen.
D-d: Dracula, not Dooku.
N: Right.
B: I liked all of it, too. Where was Anakin?

D-d: How did the movie make you feel?
N: Kinda bored.
B: Cool.

D-d: What will you remember most about DRACULA?
N: The drying up part. Count Dooku should stay out of the sun.
B: When it's Easter, I'll remember the part about him drying up. [????!]

YOU CAN'T PARK THAT THERE!