Boys, stop murderin' with scythes and gaffs and finish your homework!

Arrrr,  now it be SPRING, Mr. Clench. Add to that dynamic the wolloping great Climate 2.0 and you'll be lashed to the mast as the planet teeters a-warmin', the planet rolls a-coolin', the planet doin' the nasty hot-cold tango 47 million tacks from port. What does this temperature mixing mean for your children in the next 1000 years? Pirate Da-da has one word for you: FOG.

Yup, it's gonna get foggier, Mr. Teach. It's also gonna get rainier -- well, except for those places that will suffer extreme drought. Needless to say, buy raingear. And a sun hat. And slow down and stop looking at yer damn phone while ye be drivin'. And, in the sad case there be no fog where you be and you desperately NEED SOME FOG, learn to make the below pirate libation and, trust Da-da on this, THERE WILL BE FOG. More fog than you'll like.

Arrr, if ye can't feel yer head, it might not be on yer shoulders.

Remember: there are things in the fog. And they will get you.

Da-da's Cranial Fog Installer
2 oz orange juice
1.5 oz fresh lime
1.5 oz orgeat or simple syrup (if you make your own, add a clove)
1.5 oz light rum
 0.5 oz dark rum (float it)
1 oz cherry brandy
1 oz gin
dash of amaretto
8 oz (1 c.) crushed ice

Put it all in a blender and blend for 5 seconds, or a cocktail shaker will do nicely. Pour unstrained and unrestrained into a tall glass. Garnish with lime and a cherry. (LIME, not lemon, ya fo'c'sle swab. Zombie pirates don't use lemon.) Oh, and leave your keys with mama.

Arr, this be a Friday kinda grog. No more than three of these, or you'll go all BLADERUNNER in yer head, matey. You'll do questionable things, arrr...

Oops, that's SMOG, not fog. And that's Beijing, not BLADERUNNER. Yikes. Waiter...?

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