The Fearless Monster Hunters Look at... THE HORROR OF DRACULA

Your vampire butt is SO staked. Hope you packed your sunscreen.

This week, the boys review, THE HORROR OF DRACULA, the one that kickstarted it all back in 1958. It was the first vampire horror movie by Hammer, and catapulted Christopher Lee to legendary vampireness. Vampiricity? Vampirinia? Anyway, the movie's waaaay tame by postmodern vamp-saturated (vamp-sat) tastes, such that even small children (well, Da-da's small children) can watch without being fazed or overusing parentheticals. (Shut up.) Note that the boys were a bit confused seeing Christopher Lee as Count Dracula, as they knew him first as Count Dooku from the first three Star Wars films (such as they are). Da-da explained that Count Dooku used to be Count Dracula, a vampire from Transylvania, who was asked to be a Jedi when he turned good, but fell back to his dark-side/vamp-bad nature... and they were somehow ok with this. Da-da's raisin' 'em right. Either that, or they weren't listening, which is more likely, Occam's Razor notwithstanding. What? Never mind. Onward.

The Fearless Monster Hunters Review... THE HORROR OF DRACULA

Da-da: Ok, boys. First off, did this movie scare you?
Nagurski (6YO): No.
Bronko (4YO): No.

Da-da: Not even a little?
Nagurski: Nope.
Bronko: No way.
Nagurski: We know about vampires, Da-da.

D-d: What was the movie about?
N: Vampires. Sure had a lot of plot. Too much plot. Needed more biting. Count Dooku as the vampire was good, though.
B: Vampires bite because they wear the wrong jewelry. Dracula's ring was all alone in the end. Where was his light saber?
N: Yeah. Dooku used a red lightsaber.

D-d: Are vampires real?
N: Noooo. 
B: No such thing.

D-d: Are Jedi knights real?
N: No. 
B: It's just a movie, Da-da.

D-d: If vampires invaded your town, what would you do?
N: I would use a cross. And the sun. And hide all the sunscreen. A lightsaber would be good, too.
B: I would grow up and jump through the window and let the sun in to make them turn to dust.

D-d: What are vampires, anyway?
N: Monsters that eat your blood. They have sharp teeth and red eyes and don't talk much. They should definitely wear sunscreen.
B: They have a magic ring that makes them vampires. And yeah, sunscreen.

D-d: What was your favorite part of DRACULA?
N: I liked all of it. Especially the part where Count Dooku dried up because he didn't use enough sunscreen.
D-d: Dracula, not Dooku.
N: Right.
B: I liked all of it, too. Where was Anakin?

D-d: How did the movie make you feel?
N: Kinda bored.
B: Cool.

D-d: What will you remember most about DRACULA?
N: The drying up part. Count Dooku should stay out of the sun.
B: When it's Easter, I'll remember the part about him drying up. [????!]

YOU CAN'T PARK THAT THERE!