Farewell and Adieu to Ye Fair Screaming Babies...

A custom baby bed designed esp. for future psychiatric capital outlays. Poor kid.

The HORROR of the Post-Apocalyptic Playdate

Da-da now lives in fear of the word, "playdate."

The HORROR of the Post-Apocalyptic Playdate

We now welcome you to Post-Apocalyptic Parenting 2013, already in progress...

That Semi-Permanent Look of Parenthood

THIS is truly the look of parenthood, in case you were wondering. But take heart,
it does seem to fade after a couple hundred years, depending on how much
virgin blood/Da-da coffee one ingests.

Parenting Horror 101: That Vincent Price Moment

What did you say, Timmy?

All parents have that Vincent Price moment of abject parental horror, that quick notion that occurs during endless tantrummage where even sane parents contemplate throwing their adorable rabid wolverine tot into that vat of acid, or that cauldron of molten wax -- or if you're a modernist, out the airlock. Da-da has mentally chucked his children out the airlock more times than you've had hot dinners. Like any sane and sober Rotarian robot parent, Da-da never actually does this (not that you know of), but it does occur to Da-da about a thousand times a day. And yes, Da-da does pass for SANE, at least on TV. Of course, instead of acting on this terrible impulse, Da-da writes about it, makes fun of it, keeps detailed notes about it for his trial, etc. All parents feel like launching one or all of their progeny into the sun on occasion. It's normal. But wearing a dracula costume all day and singing, "THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUSICCC..." is not normal -- IT'S MANDATORY. Jeez, the neighbors are so judgmental.

Da-da doesn't always wear the cape. Or remember all the lyrics.

That Handy Look of Parenthood

The handiest made-by-hand back-handed look, hands-down.
Sorry, Da-da's pretty sure his meds have worn off.

Scenes From Da-da's Mind-Roasting Summer

We Now Interrupt the Apoca-Bunniness for a Long Moment of Abject Parental Horror

Two words: Crib Tent.

Ho-lee merde. Da-da isn't sure where this came from, but it is horrific. Da-da has of course had this happen to him -- WORSE, as Da-da's case involved poopy hands in HAIR [shudder]. Da-da needs a whole bottle of creme de menthe just thinking about it (which should help you understand the base horror of the moment).

There *is* a bright side to the above pic: at least he's asleep.

What Parenthood Actually Looks Like

What Parenthood Actually Looks Like

What Parenthood Actually Looks Like

What Parenthood Actually Looks Like

Would someone please hit Da-da's "RESET" button?