Apple's Original Logo Sin? A Scrumpified Photo-ish Essay

One of the things Da-da's always done, personally and professionally -- and is indeed known for, besides air-baths in France -- is thinking sideways. It's what Da-da does. Case-in-point: the Apple logo. Let's look at their old logo:

Hm. If you're of a religious bent, or you've taken way too many art history classes like Da-da, this image immediately screams:

Scrumpy is better.

Um, Da-da means the action (Original Sin) and not the hard cider. (Alas, it's not real Scrumpy, which is 40 proof.) Originally speaking, here's your basic O-Sin moment:

"Here, honey. Eat this. A talking snake gave it to me."

Does this mean that Jobs and Wozniak were making some kind of religio-/socio-/genderio-/politico- statement with their Apple logo? Were they implying that ALL Apple products and indeed all computers in general are inherently demon-possessed?? Any IT human knows the answer to that one. Alas, the answer is NO. Well, NO for the apple thing, not computers being demon-possessed. Anyway, here's the original Apple logo, which is a sin in itself:

Yup. It's the whole Newton thing. Not nearly as juicy. And for the record, the apple just fell off of a tree Newton was sitting near, it didn't hit him on the head. Oh, and Archimedes invented calculus 2000 years previously, before insulting the wrong Roman guard and transitioning into one of Da-da's math teachers.

Hold it, you're both wrong! This from Wikipedia:

According to Steve Jobs, Apple was so named because Jobs was coming back from an apple farm, and he was on a fruitarian diet. He thought the name was "fun, spirited and not intimidating".^[208]

Apple's first logo, designed by Ron Wayne, depicts Sir Isaac Newton sitting under an apple tree. It was almost immediately replaced by Rob Janoff's "rainbow Apple", the now-familiar rainbow-colored silhouette of an apple with a bite taken out of it. Janoff presented Jobs with several different monochromatic themes for the "bitten" logo, and Jobs immediately took a liking to it.

Why did Steve immediately take a liking to it? Because in his mind he'd made a number of connections -- not the least of which is the one Da-da mentioned earlier. Da-da knows this for a fact because he has Steve Jobs here in a big glass case, pickled and covered in electrodes, per his last wish.

Did anyone crank the OSX Mavericks superfluid with the latest pickle-urn update?

In reality, sin-wise, there is no Original Sin. You are perfect and whole and innocent and you've never done anything wrong and you're safe in Happy Cloud Land right now, surrounded by loved ones... and, well, pure love -- REAL love, not that oozy hairy '70s kinda love.

Seriously. Look around. This whole Original Sin thing was merely a tale meant to make the masses feel guilty and easier to control. It's still used today, though the wheels on that bus are starting to wobble something awful.

Speaking of disturbing, THIS is the Ultimate in IT Bathroom Reading:

The ULTIMATE in IT Bathroom Reading.

Pick a page and read out loud. Guaranteed laughter. It's for IT/networking people, but normal people might get it. Those who are weird. And perhaps disturbed. It's all related to the above e-ghoulash, Da-da promises.

Another Public Service Announcement: DWT

Before.

Picture 3YO Da-da riding his tricycle down the sidewalk from his suburban house oh soo long ago, sometime around 2:00 in the afternoon. As usual, he was left alone to, "play outside," as everyone in Da-da's generation was -- which Da-da still finds totally inexplicable.

Just then, a neighbor materializes, a 50-ish woman with white hair, reading the newspaper. She absently gets into her beige 1967 Chevy Impala and, still reading the paper, starts and backs her car out of the driveway right into Young Master Da-da, turning his trike over and skidding it backwards toward the street, grinding its left rear wheel post into the driveway cement -- SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE -- Jeez lady, can't you hear that? -- pinning Young Da-da within the tangle of metal, the huge chrome bumper reflecting Young Da-da's frozen horror back to him: Is this really happening? He finally finds his voice and SCREAMS for the car to STOP... which it did, finally, just as the wheel post found a joint in the concrete and was thinking of buckling: a good ten feet. (Let's hear it for good-ole vintage steel construction.) STILL READING THE PAPER, the lady gets out of her car and looks more annoyed than horrified. She frowned. Aren't you dead, yet? she seemed to say, failing to ask if Young Master Da-da was alright, instead inspecting her car for damage. Meanwhile, Da-da rights his tricycle and goes off on his not-so-merry way, shaking, the bent wheels of his tryke squeaking and never the same. Same to you, lady.

So, why does Da-da tell this story? Because he sees so many of you, of all ages -- even cops -- WATCHING LITTLE SCREENS WHILE YOU DRIVE. You must stop this and keep your eyes on the road. There is no info on earth that can't wait until you stop your car. Sure, you think you're okay, because you drive more slowly and closer to the curb, like a blind great white shark in the shallows waiting for some small being to lumber in front of you, for all it's gonna take is for some ebullient little kid to run out in front of you and you won't be looking at the road and those high-tech ABS brakes won't save either of you because you'll never have a chance to use them  BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION. A life will be lost and yours will be ruined. So, please put the phone done and pay attention.

Don't read email and drive.
Don't watch TV and drive.
Don't text and drive.
Don't YouTube and drive.

All this is called DWT, Driving While Texting, and is actually worse than driving after six drinks. Yup. It's illegal. And it's dangerous. Look at the graphic, Copernicus:

A useful DMV graphic. Know it, learn it, live it.

Note that it's veeeeery dangerous for you, too.

Why?

Because Da-da and those like him will not be nice to you when he/they get(s) to you. Ever see the Boogieman when he's mad?

Extradimensional Psycho Clown Da-da just wants to talk.