Da-da's Illustrated Guide to Parenting

Fig. B. A FLASH of SAHD Twitterers.

The TAO of Da-da -- Now Available

Da-da's third book is available on Amazon.  

"Da-da, What Do You Do All Day?"

Glad you asked Da-da that, Bronko. Da-da makes sure things are well stocked...

...sculpts WHERE NO CAT'S GONE BEFORE...

...competes in Competitive Balling at a high level...

...turns fire hydrants into Cthulhydrants...

...violates physical laws...

...and he is his own boss. Any more questions?

FINALLY, Da-da Can Save $$ on Duct Tape

Thanks, Control Toys! (Alas... NO, this isn't real -- [sniff] -- but it should be.)

"Da-da, What Do You Do All Day When We're in School?"

Two words: ROBO DOG. "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"

"Da-da, What Do You Do When We're in School All Day?" TWO WORDS...

...Clam Husbandry.

"Da-da, What Do You Do All Day When We're in School?" (PART 3)

"Hoooblee hooblee hoobleeeee LEFT!"

"Da-da, What Do You Do All Day When We're in School?" (PART 2)

"Oh, la di daa di daa..."

"Da-da, What Do You Do All Day When We're in School?" (PART 1)

Da-da goes for a little walk around the town... in his way.

SAHD PHOTO ESSAY: "Da-da, What Do You Do All Day When We're in School?"

Well, kid... it's complicated.

First, Da-da does a lot of this, while monkeys scream inside his head. This could go on for years.

Then Da-da tends to a few projects he started long ago, but can't seem to finish.

Then it's time for some home improvement.

Next, Da-da steam cleans a few things.

Touches up the scenery.

Has a small adventure.

Gets out in nature, for a bit.

Returns to perform a little maintenance on the family vehicle.

Handles the unexpected.

Starts to work on dinner...

...and keeps working.

Then Da-da waits patiently, in the short time left...

...before he picks you up from school.

And only then, after a long day, does Da-da unlock the donut.

That Hiding-in-the-Bathroom Look of Parenthood

A group of Stay-at-Home-Dads aren't called a HIDING for nothing.

That SAHD Look of Parenthood

Ex. 8b. A hiding of SAHDs waiting to pick up children from school.
Note the successful camouflage.

The Da-da Trench Test (UPDATED)

Da-da's actually quite sweet -- provided you apes take Hill 407 this time without tantrums.

After inspecting his sleeping troops and settling in to his cold k-ration beany weenies -- AGAIN -- after a terrible day in the kid-trenches (trench beany weenies are the highlight), Da-da ruminated on what it's really like to be A Man Called Da-da, with two sub-7YO mental patients -- or being a parent, in general. What's it really like?

It's like trench warfare, that's what. But with more hugs and vomit. And a stuffed unicorn in no-man's land. Don't believe Da-da? Then take this little parenting test:

The Da-da Trench Test

1. Do you feel exhausted from little or no sleep/being up all night, your fatigue the stuff of legend?
2. Are you perpetually rumpled, dirty, unclean, unshaven, unkempt, perhaps even STINKY -- in public -- and find that you simply don't care?
3. Have you started to resemble Chewbacca? Make Wookie noises?
4. Do you often find yourself wearing the same clothes over and over, day after day?
5. Do you find yourself scarfing cold or lukewarm, greasy food while standing up/walking/running?
6. Have you found that you actually not only LIKE beany weenies, but talk about it in public? 
7. Do you occasionally find yourself screaming?
8. Do you occasionally find yourself screaming the same thing over and over? And over?
9. Do you occasionally scream or pontificate about beany weenies?
10. Has your memory... um, is the... what was the question? 

If you answered YES to many of the above questions, CONGRATULATIONS: you're a parent. Or perhaps a teenager.

If you'd like the...

DELUXE DA-DA TRENCH TEST, TRY THIS

...it's on page 185.

Whose turn is it to take out the diaper pail? (WWI Sam Raimi courtesy of Mr. and Mrs. Ramey.)