Da-da Has Landed

"Hey! Keep it down. Nothing to see here. Damn alien probes. Any snacks on that thing?"
(img src: successisnotanoption)

Draining the Bath: The Truth Behind Bath Salts Hysteria?

Does that qualify as fast food??

This may come as a shock, but Da-da doesn't trust the media. After working with them for 20 years, and seeing where things were going, Da-da is a firm believer in NOT believing anything you read from paid mainstream sources. They always have an agenda. This is not to say that private sources don't. Either way, Da-da can safely say that HE has no interest in hyping things one way or the other. Like most people, Da-da just wants to know what's really going on.

Anyway, case in point: all the alleged, "face eating" going on. (No, thanks. Da-da already ate.) Da-da doesn't doubt that this strangeness is indeed happening. What Da-da has trouble with is the vague claims about, "bath salts" primarily being to blame. Rather than accept the media's accounts, Da-da contacted a good friend in the DOJ to get the inside scoop (off the record, of course).

As it turned out, Da-da's friend had just completed some deep research on many of the XX cases, worldwide (it's happening in N. America, S. America, China and Europe), and... bath salts were only a factor in a small percentage. The common denomenator seems to be that nearly all of the perps were drug and alcohol users (incl. marijuana, natural and synthetic, cocaine, meth, etc.). Ok, now it gets weird.

Seems that ALL the perpetrators (not just some) were seeing "demons everywhere," even while sober, about a day or two prior to the attacks. This pushed them to start heavily using drugs or alcohol or both, and... well, then they went crazy, defending themselves against "demons," which were actually just people around them.

A talented psychic involved with the cases said that the perps were having their "normal defenses" compromised by recreational drugs; once inebriated, they were then, "jumped" by some negative entity. Basically,therir bodioes hijacked by... something. This is apparently common in addicts. Loved ones reported that the perpetrators seemed, "possessed," some speaking in tongues, many exhibiting insane physical strength and endurance. And many attackers took six shots to bring then down. In virtually all cases, no drugs like PCP were found to explain this "superhuman" aspect. Da-da wishes he could be less vague, but like he said, all his info was delivered off the record. Suffice to say that the truth is stranger than mere bath salts.

Stranger still, Da-da's DOJ friend mentioned that law enforcement agencies were prepped months ago by a memo warning them about, "What to do in case of a zombie attack." Everyone thought it was a joke then. They don't now.

Da-da advises people to stick to coffee (just not so much that it makes you grope people on a bus), and maintain a positive mindset. Meditate. Be calm. He'd advise you to hug a zombie, but you'd best leave that to law enforcement.

See what a positive mindset can do?

NOTE: Da-da's not normally big on "demons," but given the weird things he's experienced in his own (haunted) house, he won't rule anything out. There are definitely malevolent spirits around; one was living in Da-da's house -- and Da-da personally saw the thing trying to get into someone's body (he witnessed the effects, then spoke with the person afterward), but more on that later. Da-da even got a *picture* of the beastie, but he's kept it to himself for a while as it's just too disturbing. Now it's gone, so... stay tuned.

Da-da's Warming Up the Portal

 

AAIIEE, just one more thing before Da-da gets the heck off this weird planet. Turns out NASA's Solar Dynamics Observatory picked up this triangular Illuminati hole on March 13 -- the day after the solar wind reversal of March 12th, 2012. Weird, huh? It's just a coincidence, of course. A glitch. It's not a space-time Mahabharata angling for your giblets. Or it is. Either way, it's definitely entertaining.

This is Your Brain on Parenthood

Well, to be exact, this is in fact a look of pre- and POST-parenthood.

This is Your Brain on Parenthood

Since parenthood often invokes mind-altering states of consciousness, Da-da thought the faithful might like this if you haven't seen it. Follow the instructions and dust the backs of your eyes. Oh, and don't do this while driving, Young Mister Orange Pants. Why do you wear orange pants, anyway? STOP WEARING ORANGE PANTS.

Instructions:
1. Stare at the red dot on the girl’s nose for 30 seconds.
2. Turn your eyes to a plain surface (your ceiling or blank wall).
3. Blink repeatedly and quickly.
4. Whoa.   (via one+infinity)

And Now for Something Completely Different

Wait for it.

She was good then. She's great now. Ready when you are!

The Sitter [spooky music UP]

Yes, it's almost Halloween, so it's time for some FEAR, yay. Ready?

To any real parent (as opposed to all those fake ones), leaving your children with strangers pretty much pegs the Sphinctometer. Indeed, choosing the right babysitter is tricky, esp. as Mr. Mom, which somehow carries a greater level of anxiety than for Actual Mom, who can somehow sniff these things out like some kind of Alpha animal (in a good way, honey), but Da-da has his own standards and he's gonna stick to 'em. Da-da means, when he goes to the door to let in that latest highly recommended $20/hr. sitter and she's wearing a freaking bunny mask and standing there staring at Da-da and breathing heavily... well, Da-da's mind conjured this:

Um, hello? Wearing a bunny mask, however cute and endearing, is right up there with showing up for a job interview wearing a white-painted William Shatner mask and bloodstained coveralls... which might explain why Da-da's unemployed, hmm. Da-da thought it was just the clown makeup. Anyway, it's safe to say that Da-da and company ate IN that night. Sure, our family wears masks almost constantly, but OURS aren't creepy, jeez.

[NOTE: John Carpenter's, "HALLOWEEN," was so scary because THE SHAPE (as he was known in the script) is wearing a William Shatner mask painted white; the prop guy couldn't find any scary masks -- the only one he could find was the Shat -- so John Carpenter said, "Paint it white." That's why the film works: IT'S AN EMOTIONLESS WILLIAM SHATNER KILLING PEOPLE. You never saw The Shat this way because he was consistently overacting, which explains the movie's puzzling fright -- and why the pathetic remake was... well, pathetic. Overactingly speaking, you might overact, too, if you were humping giant rabbits one moment, waxing white commanche the next.]

[NOTE2: If you wanna see something reeeeaaallly scary, try THE SITTER II. Mmmm, burned baloney.]