Why Da-da Only Does Roadtrips (or OLD SCHOOL DA-DA IS COMING FOR YOU, BARBARA)

Da-da likes to keep things as light as possible, as life is simply TOO lifelike these days, but some subjects are unavoidable. Da-da admittedly doesn't get out much, as he's... you know, Da-da, to 4 and 6YO crazed wombats... so the above video may not reflect current conditions (it's from 2010), but Da-da doubts it. Anyway, the Daily Mail just covered this story about a toddler with a broken leg in a wheelchair who was forced to endure a physical assault by a TSA stooge. There's precedent for this as all terrorists are three years old and rolling around in bomb-laden wheelchairs. Spooky, huh? But touching without permission? That's assault in civilized countries. And touching a child without permission? That's a little old felony, not that anyone pays any attention to "the law" anymore. Speaking of The Law, touching Da-da's children without permission of course results in Da-da's 6' 1" 265 lb.-bulk being coincident in space-time with offending object X at slightly less-than-terminal velocity, yielding a happy amount of kinetic energy. BAM! Da-da tries (he really does) to be human half some most of the time, but reason takes a backseat when his children are involved and Da-da basically becomes...

Boo.

...James Harrison of the Pittsburgh Steelers, only Da-da's bigger. And meaner. And has lasers coming out of his eyes. Truthfully, the above image is pretty darn close to how Da-da looks 24/7 -- especially in the morning when he's forced to cook breakfast for 92 genius mental patients who are really only two in quantity, but seem like 92. Da-da also looks like this if he steps on Bakugans in the middle of the night. Barefoot. On the stairs. And yes, this homicidal protective urge is the main reason why Da-da goes on roadtrips and refrains from flying with children (anyone's children), as he'd no doubt be on CNN the next day as a cautionary tale. But Da-da isn't some mindless brute, even if he really is one. No, he's a WHACKO PROTECTOR. Of all children. That means all of you, as you all used to be (and still are) innocent children, too.


Put simply, Da-da will pretty much champion and protect anyone in his immediate purview -- even if he doesn't know them; he'll defend your rights, ESPECIALLY the "inalienable" ones, as Da-da's about as atavistic Old School/Throwback as it gets, about... well, about everything. (Da-da did use to be a monstrous troll, long ago. That's pretty throwbacky.) Besides, Da-da SO needs a prison vacation. Yelling? Fighting? Insanity? Noise? Assault? Bad food? Torture? Abuse? That's FIVE-STAR CAMPING TO DA-DA. A vacation of the highest magnitude for any parent who has to cook for and clean after and wake up and transport unwashed prepubescent masses. And people wonder why parents are so grumpy. Oh, wait! Here's Da-da again!

Old School Da-da needs a hug... and ok, maybe a little dental work.
Don't make eye contact past the line of scrimmage.

Oh, and btw, 1984 was NOT an instruction manual.

When Da-da flies again, he's wearing his helmet and pads.