Da-da's Handy Earthquake Advice

"YAAAAHOOOOOOO!"

Da-da is a West Coast native (though everyone pegs him for an EastCoaster), and has subsequently been in a few big (7.0+) earthquakes and tons of little ones. Those on the East Coast will invariably be faced with countless, 'What to Do in an Earthquake' articles in the coming months, but the most important thing you need to know is: don't run outside. There's a whole world of stuff outside (no, really) that can fall on you, stuff that's heavy and sharp and pointy and made of metal and concrete and compressed bunnies that will be very mean to your sad, hominid cranium. Most earthquake injuries occur when folks run screaming into the street -- obviously, remaining calm is paramount -- so, instead, STAY INSIDE AND SCREAM. Actually, yelling, "YAAAAHOOOOOOO!" during the event really helps a lot, and the people around you will love it. Some people say you should hide under furniture, while others suggest standing in a doorway. Da-da is of the latter opinion, only because it's easier and faster, and Da-da is nothing if not easy and fast, but yelling, "YAAAAHOOOOOOO!" is... well, you'll understand when it happens. It just feeeeeels good, like being in a disaster movie WITHOUT Charleton Heston (that's the feeling good part).

One more serious thing... if you're driving and it suddenly feels like you're driving through deep sand (for those who've done this), you're actually driving during an earthquake. Slow down and move yourself slowly away from the main course of traffic -- AND if it's a bad quake, watch for falling power poles and power lines. Don't jam on your brakes. And again, SCREAM.

Really, the most important thing to do in a quake is the, "YAAAAHOOOOOOO!" scream. Moderate earthquakes are fun, c'mon (immoderate ones are not), and they give everyone a common thing to talk about later, basically serving as a unifier, which hardly ever happens anymore, so... enjoy.

That's right, remain c-a-l-m. Easy, now, E-A-S-Y...