Why Da-da Only Does Roadtrips (or OLD SCHOOL DA-DA IS COMING FOR YOU, BARBARA)

Da-da likes to keep things as light as possible, as life is simply TOO lifelike these days, but some subjects are unavoidable. Da-da admittedly doesn't get out much, as he's... you know, Da-da, to 4 and 6YO crazed wombats... so the above video may not reflect current conditions (it's from 2010), but Da-da doubts it. Anyway, the Daily Mail just covered this story about a toddler with a broken leg in a wheelchair who was forced to endure a physical assault by a TSA stooge. There's precedent for this as all terrorists are three years old and rolling around in bomb-laden wheelchairs. Spooky, huh? But touching without permission? That's assault in civilized countries. And touching a child without permission? That's a little old felony, not that anyone pays any attention to "the law" anymore. Speaking of The Law, touching Da-da's children without permission of course results in Da-da's 6' 1" 265 lb.-bulk being coincident in space-time with offending object X at slightly less-than-terminal velocity, yielding a happy amount of kinetic energy. BAM! Da-da tries (he really does) to be human half some most of the time, but reason takes a backseat when his children are involved and Da-da basically becomes...

Boo.

...James Harrison of the Pittsburgh Steelers, only Da-da's bigger. And meaner. And has lasers coming out of his eyes. Truthfully, the above image is pretty darn close to how Da-da looks 24/7 -- especially in the morning when he's forced to cook breakfast for 92 genius mental patients who are really only two in quantity, but seem like 92. Da-da also looks like this if he steps on Bakugans in the middle of the night. Barefoot. On the stairs. And yes, this homicidal protective urge is the main reason why Da-da goes on roadtrips and refrains from flying with children (anyone's children), as he'd no doubt be on CNN the next day as a cautionary tale. But Da-da isn't some mindless brute, even if he really is one. No, he's a WHACKO PROTECTOR. Of all children. That means all of you, as you all used to be (and still are) innocent children, too.

Airport Security Welcomes YOU

Airport Security Welcomes YOU!

Now that the holidays proper have begun, a little comment on airport security. A Man Called Da-da has schlepped through airports all around the world, so he has a good handle on that rarest of animals, PERSPECTIVE. Observe.

In Tel Aviv, airport security is a trained phalanx of college-educated screeners who interview everyone who goes on a plane -- twice. No machines. No meltdowns. Wait times are 30 minutes. They've not had a serious incident in eight years. This is the old way of doing things. And it's cheap.

In Any Airport, USA, airport security involves a fun olio of increasingly expensive, intrusive machines and surly people with high school diplomas (and chips on their shoulders the size of a cadillac). Wait times are high. Meltdowns are high. And they have serious, lawsuit-spawning incidents all the time. This is the new way of doing things. And it's expensive.

In America, we don't believe in people, we believe in MACHINES and MONEY. People are merely consumers. Machines are glorified, and smart people are basically evil and should never be trusted -- unless they're smart MONEY people, and then you should trust them implicitly (they never lie). Indeed, Americans trust machines more than people, and place their lives in control of these machines more and more each day, mainly because of this warped trust issue and the fact that this causes us to keep spending money money money on the military-industrial-entertainment complex.

So you have to think, what kind of example are we making for our children? That we have no civil liberties, and dressing up in military uniforms and being rude is cool? That we have to be afraid all the time and everyone is an enemy (and therefore NOT a friend)? I think even a cursory think on this will show that old ways are often better than new ways, especially when it comes to capital outlays, making and keeping friends. Old human ways are cheaper and often friendlier than new inhuman ways. They're more economical. And they make people happy, what a concept.

So, employ smart, well trained, friendly people (um, we have a lot of smart, trained, friendly UNEMPLOYED people at last check), or deploy "smart" (intrusive, civil rights violating) machines and grumpy people. What could be more simple?

(NOTE: Los Alamos scientists just discovered that TSA scanners are shredding human DNA -- just like small children and brain cells.)