Your Basic Psycho-Da-da Detente -- On the Rocks, With a Twist (and a Little Logging Accident)

Well, the mohair sweater probably helped break the ice. That and the little cheesy mustache.

Da-da finally infiltrated a group of RFMs (Regular Female Moms) today at a local espresso gulag while the boys were at a ninjitsu lesson, and to their surprise the RFMs realized that not only does Da-da share their lives and experiences with about 98.9% accuracy, but when one mom told of her husband's philandering -- then wondered what Da-da thought about THAT (as a kind of primate challenge) -- Da-da (who was admittedly tired and had low boundaries) informed the assembled women, deadpan, that if HE were a woman enduring what he's been enduring with two or more screaming hellions and the husband were having an affair -- or worse, leaving her for another woman WHO DIDN"T HAVE CHILDREN -- that Da-da would feed him a sumptious meal (to slow him down), then hack off his head with an axe and mount the head to the hood of the family car and make it look like a logging accident. (Happens allll the time, officer.) Then he'd go after the offending female and anyone who looked like her. Despite sounding like a psycho axe murderer, Da-da got a standing ovation. We were all officially sympatica. Sympatico? Jeez, even the coffee clerk yelled, "You GO, girl!" Of course, most women have the good sense not to do such heinous things in similar circumstances, which is probably the reason why the human race has gone on for so long. And in his own defense, Da-da is only just-so civilized.

Oops! Time for Da-da's meds (the voices are so LOUD, today). What? DA-DA SAID THEY WERE LOUD, TODAY. Jeez.

WHERE are Da-da's meds?? DO YOU HAVE THEM?

Gut Morning!

As this is primarily a parenting horror blog, all parents who have to dose their kids with antibiotics (um, that's like everyone) should read this report:

Antibiotics can permanently destroy gut flora balance, leading to lifelong illness

(NaturalNews) Overuse and overprescription of antibiotic drugs has become a widely known culprit in causing the emergence of antibiotic-resistant "superbugs," as well as the onset of digestive and other health problems, caused by the elimination of beneficial gut flora. But a new review published in the journal Nature suggests that such gut flora alterations could be permanent.

Professor Martin Blaser from New York University's (NYU) Langone Medical Center has been studying the long-term effects of antibiotics on gut flora, which has already confirmed a definitive link between antibiotics and the disruption of beneficial bacteria in the digestive system. But what his research also seems to confirm is the possibility that such disruption might be permanent, at least in some individuals, and thus carry with it lifelong health consequences.

"Early evidence from my lab and others hints that, sometimes, our friendly flora never fully recover," writes Blaser in his shocking editorial. "These long-term changes to the beneficial bacteria within people's bodies may even increase our susceptibility to infections and disease. Overuse of antibiotics could be fueling the dramatic increase in conditions such as obesity, type 1 diabetes, inflammatory bowel disease, allergies and asthma, which have more than doubled in many populations."

Learn more: http://www.naturalnews.com/033901_antibiotics_gut_flora.html#ixzz1bGDX8sPq

Jeez, what else will we find modern medicine and science destroying? Besides everything in existence. Carl, care to show us the future?

That Handy Look of Parenthood

The handiest made-by-hand back-handed look, hands-down.
Sorry, Da-da's pretty sure his meds have worn off.

General Moods: Psycho-Foods for a Better YOU

The General Moods staff after a rousing breakfast.

[Note: Da-da wrote this ten years ago, but it still seems relevent, so...]

Product evolution often involves the collision of many things coinciding to create new things -- many of which impact Da-da and Mr. Moms in general, who are... well, the word BORDERLINE about covers it. In corporate parlance, these collisions fall under the heading MERGERS & ACQUISITIONS. Some collisions are stranger than others.

Given the near-shutdown of the FDA, three powerful corporations came quietly together today to create something stranger than fiction. Foodmakers General Mills and General Foods Int'l inexplicably merged with drugmaker Eli Lilly, producing a new corporate entity dubbed, “General Moods,” to be based in manic Silicon Valley. During the event, freshly minted General Moods’ CEO John Schadenfreude (a former friend of Da-da's) waxed optimistic:

"Freud remarked that unrestricted satisfaction of every human need drives people’s motivations," said Schadenfreude, "but that also means putting enjoyment before caution. Well, by entering the pharmaceutical food game, we’ve brought enjoyment to a whole new level."

"The market clearly has a need for a company that can not only meet the needs of food- and drug-loving consumers," he added, "but also one that can successfully subvert state and federal laws with impunity, vectoring with a sheer force of will unheard of since the Pharaohs." The smiling Schadenfreude concluded his comments by driving a Cat D-series bulldozer east as part of a 50-state tour.

      Highlights of General Moods New Product Family:

• The world’s first Ritalin-laced baking mix, called “Bisquicker” – an integral ingredient to “Suddenly Salad”
  
• A new Lithium-laced cereal shaped like little ones and zeroes dubbed, “Binarios” – for the chronically bipolar
  
• The world’s first mood-altering laxative: “Prolax”
  
• A high fiber/petrolatum mix dubbed, “FiberDammit” – marketed as “JiffyPlop” in France
  
• A Zyprexa-based, paranoia-reducing breakfast cereal called, “CHEX WHO GOES THERE??” (a favorite in Silicon Valley)
  
• A Ritalin- and Viagra-laced gelatin dessert called, “HELLO!”
  
• A Kervorkian-approved, strychnine-based confection named, “Hershey’s Kiss of Death”
  
• “SmackUms,” an opiate-laced cracker
  
• “FlopTarts,” a Percocet-Valium breakfast mood recliner
  
• A yummy Ativan-Valium-laced cereal called, “Dream of Wheat”
  
• “SNOREOs,” a barbituate cookie
  
• A contraceptive breath mint called, “Wifesavers”
  
• A Paxil-Prozac, psycho-lipid obsessive-compulsive breakfast spread called, “I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY BELIEVE IT’S BUTTER I DO REALLY”
  
• A post-millennial, Vicodin-enhanced breakfast cereal called, “SpecialY2K”
  
• A methamphetamine-Prozac-antacid combination designed specifically for IT administrators called, “Network Helper.”

A spokesman said FrootLoops, Frosted Flakes and the new-and-improved fluoxetine hydrochloride- and Humatrope synthetic-human-growth-hormone-laced Cheerios will remain unchanged.

"Through our internal scientific programs and dozens of research-based partnerships worldwide, we are targeting pharmaceutical-grade dietary solutions for many of the world’s most urgent and unmet medical food needs," said Dr. John Parrot, minister of cafeteria science for General Moods and Morvalia Polytechnic fellow in pretty good standing. "Our deep research and clinical expertise have prepared us to take advantage of this Golden Age of psycho-food discovery on behalf of patients who are soon-to-be veeeery dependent on medical innovation -- even more than before!"

"A lot of people have asked why we’re doing this," said Dr. Sidney Taurel, chairman and CEO of Eli Lilly, while munching the new "growth" Cheerios and getting very, very large. "The truth of the matter is, what with all these recent behemoth under-the-counter psycho-pharmaceutical food mergers, we all felt like giggling little children amid big giant toothed earth-moving machines and there's all this noise and it's just the coolest forest ham is FANTASTIC and felt just right in fact it felt great is this thing on? Hellooooooo?" Taurel concluded by growing to a height of 12 feet 3 inches and trying to catch his own hand while being pursued by authorities and the Miami Heat.

Evolution, it seems, can prove convoluted and unpredictable.

A vintage ad, precursor to today's multi-billion-dollar medicated youth market.