THE END for The End

Don't say it again, or Da-da's gonna lose it.

Does anyone recall the Second Bush bringing up Gog and Magog with (now former) French President Blacque Jacques Chirac? "Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East," Bush said to Chirac. Later, Chirac wondered, publicly, if everyone in the U.S. was equally mad. Sadly, we still have people with this mindset in government, in multiple countries. Here it is, working in Japan.

Da-da's written about this before, but it's time for that line in the sand, folks, or Da-da's gonna go ape. (Is that apocalyptic?) Yes, it's time for We the People of Earth to officially regard apocalyptic thinking, and especially ACTING OUT on apocalyptic thinking, as what it is: a mental health issue. But wait, there's more.

Da-da posits that it be made illegal for the extollers of apocalyptic ideas to be eligible for any government, public or advisory post in any way, shape or form. You can write about them all you want, and talk about them with your insane little cronies, but you CANNOT hold political office, or whisper in the ears of world leaders.

This act is of course retroactive and applicable to all those who currently hold political, judicial, military and sundry advisory positions. If you think that you need to act to bring about the end of the world for any reason, you need to take a number and have a seat and your rubber room and meds will be made available, shortly.

This goes for all countries. Too many people in too many countries across the millennia have fomented and acted on too many silly end-of-the-world thought systems (which you can review below), hurting countless people across countless generations. Da-da's pretty sure whole planets have been destroyed because this form of mental illness was tolerated -- or worse, exemplified. Apocalyptic thoughts and their thinkers are insane, and wouldn't it be nice to restore sanity to the human race? Having leaders of countries, or their advisors possess and ACT on such such thoughts is officially untolerable. Time for we as a species to put an end to it.

And if someone chimes in with a reference to the Scofield Bible...

Pre-tribulation rapture theology was developed in the 1830s by John Nelson Darby and the Plymouth Brethren,^[12] and popularized in the United States in the early 20th century by the wide circulation of the Scofield Reference Bible.^[13]

...Da-da will become yet another example of mental illness. Folks, this whole RAPTURE thing was invented by a Scottish minister in 1830 and everyone in Scotland thought he was crazy. His silly thoughts only gained traction when they planted themselves in Texas in the '20s. This idea is less than 200 years old. Don't feed it anymore.

As Da-da mentioned, below the giant ape (below) you'll find nearly every historic, footnoted recap of wondrous apocalyptic thinking that failed -- or will fail. However, for those who simply must have the world end so they can have their feet rubbed by slaves in Heaven, it's a foregone conclusion that we're all on a collision course with the Andromeda Galaxy, and that we only have 4-5 million years left in which to build a starship, plot a course for an M-class planet, and get the hell outta here. All the rest of you whackos can STAY and watch the fireworks. Have a nice time.

Indeed, the actual end of the world will occur the next time Da-da turns into a giant ape, WHICH COULD HAPPEN AT ANY MOMENT. Oh, wait...

Uh oh.

(Comprehensive list of apocalyptic dates after the jump. Your future may vary -- a lot.)

Our Lady of Da-da

The End, Annotated

Just in case someone tries to stir up THE END OF THE WORLD again, here's a handy list for them to reference. The real end of the world will occur the next time Da-da turns into a giant ape, WHICH COULD HAPPEN AT ANY MOMENT.

(Comprehensive list of dates after the jump.)

That Calm And Rational Astro-/Geo-Physical Explanation For The Apocalypse You Were Looking For

Every once in a while, you stumble across the truth. For those interested in a precise, scientific explanation for precisely what's going on in the world from a astro-/geo-physical standpoint -- uncolored by political phlogiston -- the following bears intense scrutiny, as it is as factual and unbiased as Astro-/Geo-physical Da-da has encountered. Which says a lot. The following will inform you, quite specifically, exactly what's happening from a scientific, heliocentric and galactic viewpoint. Get a cup of coffee and carefully peruse this excerpt from the...

PLANETOPHYSICAL STATE OF THE EARTH AND LIFE
By DR. ALEXEY N. DMITRIEV*

Buckle up. It's all quite fascinating, and has been around for awhile, but Da-da's gonna start right... here:

The Earth Reorganization Processes

Strange particles believed to be emanating from the elusive ‘dark matter’ at the center of the galaxy have been confirmed to be bombarding Earth. Two physicists from the prestigious Department of Physics and Astronomy at University of California discovered more gamma-rays bombarding Earth than believed by astronomers. The stream of electromagnetic radiation (spewed by the process of intensive radioactive decay and other other high-energy emmisions) may be triggering the bizarre mutation of matter and an incredible energy cloud that an astrophysicist says threatens.

Excerpt from: Planetophysical state of the Earth and Life

EARTH TRANSFORMATION OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM



We will list the recent large-scale events in the Solar System in order to fully understand, and comprehend, the Plane to Physical transformations taking place. This development of events, as it has become clear in the last few years, is being caused by material and energetic non-uniformity’s in anisotropic interstellar space, in its travel through interstellar space.

The Heliosphere travels in the direction of the Solar Apex in the Hercules Constellation. On its way it has met (1960′s) non-homogeneities of matter and energy containing ions of Hydrogen, Helium, and Hydroxyl in addition to other elements and combinations. This kind of interstellar space dispersed plasma is presented by magnetized strip structures and striations. The Heliosphere (solar system) transition through this structure has led to an increase of the shock wave in front of the Solar System from 3 to 4 AU, to 40 AU, or more. This shock wave thickening has caused the formation of a collusive plasma in a parietal layer, which has led to a plasma overdraft around the Solar System.

This breakthrough constitutes a kind of matter and energy donation made by interplanetary space to our Solar System.

The recorded and documented observations of all geophysical (planetary environmental) processes, and the clearly significant and progressive modifications in all reported solar-terrestrial physical science relationships, combined with the integral effects of the antropohenedus activity in our Solar System’s Heliosphere, causes us to conclude that a global reorganization and transformation of the Earth’s physical and environmental qualities is taking place now; before our very eyes. This current rearrangement constitutes one more in a long line of cosmo-historic events of significant Solar System evolutionary transformations which are caused by the periodic modification, and amplification, of the Heliospheric-Planetary-Sun processes. In the case of our own planet these new events have placed an intense pressure on the geophysical environment; causing new qualities to be observed in the natural processes here on Earth; causes and effects which have already produced hybrid processes throughout the planets of our Solar System; where the combining of effects on natural matter and energy characteristics have been observed and reported.

THE GEOMAGNETIC FIELD INVERSION



The travel of Earth’s magnetic poles, especially the Antarctic magnetic pole, shows that in the last 100 years this magnetic pole has traveled almost 900 km towards.  (which is moving towards the Eastern Siberian world magnetic anomaly by way of the Arctic Ocean).

It leads us to the conclusion that the currently observed polar travel acceleration is not just a shift or digression from the norm, but is in fact an inversion of the magnetic poles; in full process.

It is now seen that the acceleration of polar travel may grow to a rate of up to 200 km per year. This means that a polar inversion may happen far more rapidly than is currently supposed.

We must also emphasize the significant growth of the recognized world magnetic anomalies (Canadian, East-Siberian, Brazilian, and Antarctic) in the Earth’s magnetic reorganization.

The increasing and immense amounts of matter and energy radiating from the Sun’s Solar Wind, and Interplanetary Space, by means previously discussed, has began to rush into these widened slots in the polar regions causing the Earth’s crust, the oceans, and the polar ice caps to warm.

Geomagnetic field paleoinversions, and their after effects, has lead us to the unambiguous, and straight forth, conclusion that these present processes being observed are following precisely the same scenarios as those of their distant ancestors.

Signs of the inversion of the magnetic field are becoming more intense in frequency and scale. For example: During the previous 25 million years, the frequency of magnetic inversions was twice in half a million years while the frequency of inversions for the last 1 million years is 8 to 14 inversions or one inversion each 71 to 125 thousand years. What is essential here is that during prior periods of maximum frequency of inversions there has also been a corresponding decrease in the level of oceans world-wide (10 to 150 meters) from contraction caused by the wide development of crustal folding processes. Periods of less or frequency of geomagnetic field inversions reveals sharp increases of the world ocean level due to the priority of expansion and stretching processes in the earth’s  crust. Therefore, the level of World’s oceans depends on the global characteristic of the contraction and expansion processes in force at the time.

There are developing events which also indicate a sudden and sharp breaking of the Earth’s meteorological machinery.

CLIMATE TRANSFORMATIONS



The temperature regime of any given phase of climatic reorganization is characterized by contrasts, and instabilities. The widely quoted, and believed, “Greenhouse Effect” scenario for total climatic changes is by far the weakest explanation, or link, in accounting for this reorganization. It has already been observed that the growth in the concentration of CO2 has stopped, and that the methane content in the atmosphere has began to decrease  while the temperature imbalance, and the common global pressure field dissolution has proceeded to grow.

The Earth’s temperature regime is becoming more, and more, dependent on external influences. The representative regulating processes, or basis, of these general climatic rearrangements are:

1. A new ozone layer distribution.
2. Radiation material (plasma) inflows and discharges through the polar regions, and through the world’s magnetic anomaly locations.
3. Growth of the direct ionospheric effects on the relationship between the Earth’s meteorological (weather), magnetic, and temperature fields.


There is a growing probability that we are moving into a rapid temperature instability period similar to the one that took place 10,000 years ago.

4. That annual temperatures increased by 7 degrees centigrade.
5. That precipitation grew in the range of 3 to 4 times.
6. That the mass of dust material increased by a factor of 100.

Such high-speed transformations of the global climatic mechanism parameters, and its effects on Earth’s physical and biospheric qualities seems that more, and more, that the Earth’s temperature increases are dependent upon, and directly linked to, space-terrestrial interactions; be it Earth-Sun, Earth-Solar System, and/or Earth-Interstellar.

Temperature gradient changes, and alterations, over the entire planet would create new thermodynamic conditions for entire regions; especially when the hydrospheres (oceans) begin to participate in the new thermal non-equilibrium.

A study supports this conclusion, and the consideration of a highly possible abrupt cooling of the European and North American Continents. The probability of such a scenario increases when you take into account the ten year idleness of the North Atlantic hydrothermal pump. With this in mind, the creation of a global, ecology-oriented, climate map which might reveal these global catastrophes becomes critically important.

The classes or categories of effects brought about by the Earth’s current stage of reorganization are very diverse.



There are nine types of “significant catastrophes:”

1. Flooding
2. Hurricanes
3. Drought
4. Frost
5. Storms
6. Epidemics
7. Earthquakes
8. Starvation
9. Landslides

One must keep in mind that the growing complexity of climatic and weather patterns signals a transformation tending towards a new state, that we are moving in the direction of climatic chaos.

In reality this transition state of our climatic machinery is placing new requirements upon Earth’s entire biosphere; which does include the human species.

The overall pattern of the generation and movement of cyclones has also changed

Significant  increase of Earthquakes and Active Volcanoes.

Increased ocean levels caused by the shedding of ice from the polar regions will lead to sharp changes in coast lines, a redistribution of land and sea relationships

Implicit consequences are those processes which are below the threshold of usual human perception, and are therefore not brought to our common attention.

Instrument recordings, and even direct observations, of these phenomena throughout Earth’s electromagnetic field provides evidence that an immense transformation of Earth’s environment is taking place.

The increase in the frequency, and scope, of natural self-luminous formations in the atmosphere and geospace forces. The processes of generation, and the existence of such formations, spreading all over the Earth, represents a remarkable physical phenomenon.

What is most unusual about these natural self-luminous formations is that while they have distinct features of well-known physical processes, they are in entirely unusual combinations, and are accompanied by process features which cannot be explained on the basis of existing physical knowledge. Thus, features of intense electromagnetic processes are being found in the space inside and near these natural self-luminous objects. These features include:

1. Intense electromagnetic emissions ranging from the micrometer wave band through the visible diapason, to television, and radio wavelengths.
2. Electric and magnetic field changes such as electric breakdowns, and the magnetization of rocks and technical objects.
3. Destructive electrical discharges.
4. Gravitation effects such as levitation.


Earth’s current transformational processes, and the effects they will have on global demographic dynamics.

The sharp rise of our technogeneous system’s destructive force on a planetary as well as a cosmic scale, has now placed the future survival of our technocratic civilization in question.

The situation that has been created here in our Heliosphere is of external, Interstellar, cosmic space origin, and is herein assumed to be caused by the underlying fundamental auto-oscillation, space-physical, processes of continuous creation that has shaped, and continues to evolve our Universe. The present excited state of our Heliosphere exists within the whole, or entire, organism that makes up the Solar System; the Sun, Planets, Moons, Comets, and Asteroids, as well as the plasmas, and/or electromagnetic mediums, and structures, of Interplanetary Space. The response to these Interstellar energy and matter injections into our Heliosphere has been, and continues to be, a series of newly observed energetic processes and formations on all of the Planets; between the Planets and their Moons, and the Planets and the Sun.

Earth’s ability to adapt to these external actions and transference’s is aggravated, made more difficult, by the technogeneous alterations we have made to the natural quality, or state, of our geological-geophysical environment. Our Planet Earth is now in the process of a dramatic transformation; by altering the electromagnetic skeleton through a shift of the geomagnetic field poles, and through compositional changes in the ozone, and hydrogen, saturation levels of its gas-plasma envelopes.

These processes are becoming more and more intense, and frequent, as evidenced by the real time increase in “non-periodic transient events”; ie., catastrophes.

Here are reasons favoring, or pointing to, the fact that a growth in the ethical, or spiritual quality, of humanity would decrease the number and intensity of complex catastrophes.


It has become vitally important that a world chart be prepared setting forth the favorable, and the catastrophic, regions on Earth taking into account the quality of the geologic-geophysical environment, the variety and intensity of cosmic influences, and the real level of spiritual-ethical development of the people occupying those areas.


It is reasonable to point out that our Planet will soon be experiencing these new conditions of growing energy signifying the transition into a new state and quality of Space-Earth relationship.

All of this places humanity, and each one of us, squarely in front of a very difficult and topical problem; the creation of a revolutionary advancement in knowledge which will require a transformation of our thinking and being equal to this never-before-seen phenomena now presencing itself in our world.

Whoa. Astro- and geo-physically speaking, this is incredibly interesting. From a "HUH?" standpoint, this basically means that... well, nothing changes like change, and you should be ready for anything, but certainly not from a basis of fear. No. No fear. More from a, "WOW, man," perspective, and a willingness to take anything that comes, head-on, and with a sense of childlike curiosity. Let idiot governments take fear-stances, buying billions of hollow-points and FEMA coffins, while you yourself retain a calm, inner core of peace, serving as a backbone of fearlessness and understanding for your brothers worldwide.

Read more

Pay No Attention to That Big Speaker in the Sky

Dude, can you turn that DOWN?

Ok, Da-da has nothing else to do but think and wonder -- or try to think and wonder, while watching children NOT think in wonder -- and he's been wonderthinking if someone, somewhere, has discovered how to create and induce focused gravity waves, and have been testing such a system for nefarious purposes.

Peaceful or not, these potential sound/weather engineers were no doubt wasting their potential -- potentially -- on some spooky arm of the U.S. Government, which has nothing better to do than waste tax dollars on weapons of bass production. Middle-class reduction? Too bad they can't take credit for creating BANKS, those weapons of crass destruction. Wealth reduction? Anyway, here's why Da-da suspects someone somewhere may have discovered how to induce focused gravity waves.

Besides all of these examples, Da-da had his own earwitness event earlier this year:

Pay No Attention to the Clown Banging a Shield Behind the Curtain

The other night, April 12th, at approx. 3:00 am, while Da-da was trying to sleep after visiting with friends in Northern California, Da-da was witness to the weirdest thunder Da-da's ever heard in 198 years of thunder concerts. "Regular" thunder booms and echoes. But this thunder was, to wax onomonopoetic, like this: BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM.... Da-da lost count, but it sounded like seven times. (Seventh Seal? Buehler?) There was no echo, though, just extremely impressive and repeated, loud metallic reports of equal intensity.

The trailing edge of a storm was indeed over us, but nothing was happening until the cacophony, which sounded for all the world like a thousand-foot-tall giant banging a club against an enormous bronze war shield, and there was no rain or hail -- or lightning -- where Da-da was. It did, however, make the whole of Marin County vibrate. And while some might think it was due to thunder echoing (the town where Da-da heard the sounds is in a large box valley, suggesting echo to some), Da-da is a recovering musician (jazz and classical) and has rather acute hearing, and can tell if a sound is an echo or not. Additionally, Da-da not only grew up in a box valley surrounded by mountains and thunderstorms, he also spent lots of time in Colorado Springs, the thunder and lightning capital of the world, so he's pretty much heard it all -- that is, until now.

Suffice to say that it seemed like some large and aggressive zeitgeist-y spirit had finally been purged (and wasn't very happy about it), trying one last time to scare the pants off everyone. Well, it worked for the people around Da-da. Da-da himself rarely wears pants to bed, but if he did, they would've been scared off. (Da-da actually wears boxers with little Yodas on them.) So. Slice it right with Occam's razor and you've got unusual thunder. Slice it sinister (that is, slice it left) and you might've just heard HAARP being... HAARPy.

Ah. Now the weird part: The exact same metallic banging sound was reported in San Diego, CA and Lacey, WA at the exact same time, 525 miles south and 750 miles north, respectively. That's some echo, Timmy. Perhaps this was just a West Coast, longitudinal Testing of the Sound System for the Apocalypse? Next stop: rousing the whole earth at once?

In this account, Da-da blamed HAARP (which turns out to be a global system with numerous installations), which could indeed be the culprit mechanism, as it might be able to induce and modulate an electromagnetic vortex in various levels of the atmosphere strong enough to produce a sound -- OR find/create various standing wave resonances in a specific-sized/shaped bodies of ionized air at a distance and modulate sound into it. Those are two ways to potentially generate the observed phenomena.

Another avenue for creating these sounds is via focused gravity wave. The aformentioned weird sounds were the smoking gun. Since they were identical they were clearly a test recording designed to provoke terror, and since they were LOUD, the focused or circular gravity wave hypothesis makes more sense. It's easy to assume a gravity wave application if you know how speakers work:



Basically, when electrical current flowing through some matrix (copper, air, etc.) changes direction, the material's polar orientation reverses. A speaker is basically an electromagnet, and when you apply a modulated AC current to it (modulated by say a spooky voice through a microphone).... BOOM. Sound from the speaker.

Now imagine that someone invents a way of creating gravity waves at a distance -- or reverse engineers one from alien technology (like they did with the laser, the transister, memory metal, etc.) -- using the earth's natural magnetic and electrical fields. However it's created, the circular gravity wave itself acts as the magnet, and the air inside the magnetic toroid (esp. wet air) acts as the matrix. Indeed, the air would have to be the right density to achieve a truly sonorous effect, say 75% humidity or more. Apply a modulated current to said air matrix and BOOM: youse got yer Sound System of the Apocalypse available for use in scaring the extremely gullible and telling people the white zone is for loading and unloading ONLY. It's also conceivable that this technology could be used to create light effects, or perhaps even project images with the help of space-based lasers on satellites. Depends on how much mojo's workin'.

So. If you hear the Horn of the Apocalypse -- or the Gong of the Apocalypse, or the Giant Rubber Chicken of the Apocalypse -- or somesuch spooky sky sound in the coming months, you can sit back and relax and hope that they start playing requests. (Arthur C. Clarke said that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. POOF.) If all this sky sound system stuff is true and viable, after they use it for scaring the pants off people at the London Olympics, this kinda thing could open up a whole new royalties/copyright stream for recording artists, like Gordon... er, Sting, doing planetary shows. Hey, Gordon, could you turn that down?

All that said... if the End-of-Times Light-n-Sound Show you see is AWESOME and makes you feel GOOD and HOPEFUL and HAPPY and a lot of other nice words -- and nobody dies -- it's probably NOT the U.S. Government acting as producer. It's probably something several orders of magnitude better.

Yo, Angel-dude, can you turn that UP?

Bronko + Nagurski's Star Wars-y Robot Apocalypse

Behold R2 and RNot doing what they do best.

Pay No Attention to the Clown Banging a Shield Behind the Curtain (UPDATED)

Go home, war god.

Three places at once?
 
The other night, April 12th, at approx. 3:00 am, while Da-da was trying to sleep after visiting with friends in Northern California, Da-da was witness to the weirdest thunder Da-da's ever heard in 198 years of thunder concerts. "Regular" thunder booms and echoes. But this thunder was, to wax onomonopoetic, like this: BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM.... Da-da lost count, but it sounded like seven times. (Seventh Seal? Buehler?) There was no echo, though, just extremely impressive and repeated, loud metallic reports of equal intensity.

The trailing edge of a storm was indeed over us, but nothing was happening until the cacophony, which sounded for all the world like a thousand-foot-tall giant banging a club against an enormous bronze war shield, and there was no rain or hail -- or lightning -- where Da-da was. It did, however, make the whole of Marin County vibrate. And while some might think it was due to thunder echoing (the town where Da-da heard the sounds is in a large box valley, suggesting echo to some), Da-da is a recovering musician (jazz and classical) and has rather acute hearing, and can tell if a sound is an echo or not. Additionally, Da-da not only grew up in a box valley surrounded by mountains and thunderstorms, he also spent lots of time in Colorado Springs, the thunder and lightning capital of the world, so he's pretty much heard it all -- that is, until now.

Testing the Sound System for the Apocalypse?

Testing, testing... BOO!

An apocalyptic pie in the sky was flung at Da-da's a few months ago. He dodged it and gave its filling and delivery some thought. But first, let's review some sky-sound phenomena folks have recorded. Da-da's job as Da-da is to maintain the peace, so he found it damn spooky at first, then it finally hit him what it was -- and it's nearly impossible to fear what you understand. So, let's have a deeper looksee. Don't be scared. It's just a recording.

1. January 12th, 2012; Conklin, Alberta, Canada.




2. January 12, 2012, Czech Republic.




3. August 11, 2011, Kiev, Russia.




4. Then there's HAARP testing recorded by a ham operator.




5. Finally... January 12, 2012, Melbourne, Australia -- an admitted fake.



You can clearly hear "Godzilla" in this one, along with the "War Of The Worlds" death ray sound in various layers with other generic wave sounds. Again, this last one was an example of a fake, to show how the sound could be created and used over video from wherever.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

If you listen to all of the above bizarro sky sounds heard all over the world, they sound remarkably similar. In fact, they sound like the same file. While some might be fake, some seem genuine. Regardless, provided they are really being heard and recorded via the sky, they're STILL FAKES. Why? Because they're HAARP, modulating its output to play recorded sounds of terror. The sounds are terrifying and well... deliberately biblical. Horror movie-ish. Speaking as a gentleman scientist and parenting horror veteran, Da-da enjoys a good old fashioned horror movie filled with screaming, but he knows full well it's fake. Take that a step farther. Given Da-da's 20-year research into secret societies, along with his two decades-worth experience with the media, he now watches the world's events like penn and teller watch a magician: he's knows it's all fake. But how did they do it?

HAARP is basically a super-powered transmitter designed to bounce signals off the ionosphere, for a number of purposes. You can cook the atmosphere with one kinda wave, inducing weather, drop the frequency and allow it to penetrate the ground to perhaps influence subterranean structures, or tone it down and use a chunk of sky like a speaker, broadcasting spooky Sounds of the Apocalypse -- or perhaps even a biblical VOG (Voice of God) telling you to do... whatever. Be not surprised then, citizenry of the world, when the VOG sounds in your skies. Or the Trumpet of Doom. Or the Sandwich of Destiny (sandwiches make noise?) explodes. (Or, if Da-da suddenly gets control of HAARP, you'll be hearing Jelly Roll Morton.)

There could be a sound guy somewhere (and perhaps voiceover talent, as well?) who's recently been paid to do voice and soundwork for what they were told is "Fantasia 3" or "Apocalypse Tuesday" or somesuch. If this occurred, they would no doubt be well paid for their service, not that they'd know how the sounds were to be used until it happened. And then who'd believe them after the fact?

If Da-da's hypothesis is indeed true, what does all this tell us?

It tells us that someone, somewhere, wants us to be afraid. All of us. Fear controls people. We already knew that. But now someone is potentially testing a Sound System for the Apocalypse for... what? A future dumbshow coming to a Middle Eastern theater near you? Probably in advance of the main event, to sow mindless terror? If true, then HAARP just became a psychological terror weapon. However, there is a bright side: we may be on to the theater managers.

If true, the obvious denouement for this is staging the Apocalypse. But HAARP-style sound delivery is probably only good for about 100 miles of spread, so they'd have to spread it around. It would be impossible for HAARP to create an effect all over the earth at once, the earth is too big and HAARP is too small. Given the limitations, if you wanted to scare the crap outta people for whatever purpose, would you launch the dumbshow in one "theater," then take it on the road, hitting all the major metros as fast as HAARP's beam could be aimed? It's possible that there are other scale-model HAARPs in locations all over the world, ready for action as repeaters or splitters. A controlled media would fan the flames.

Of course, if the Apocalypse were indeed real, the VOG would be broadcast LIVE with a global -- nay COSMIC sound system rivaling anything George Lucas has. But God is so much more subtle than that; and He's Love, not fear, not someone's silly idea of an Old Testament carnival monster. (Old testy guys, that's maybe why The New Testament got penned -- it's new and improved!)

There's one easy way to prove Da-da's spooky HAARP hypothesis: check HAARP's power bills via FOIA for all the dates where spooky sounds were recorded/heard. If the power was spikey on on those dates, there's a potential smoking gun.

But wait, there's more. Grab a globe. Stick red pins in the following: Da-da. Ow. Now try: HAARP in Alaska's bottom right-hand corner; Kiev (they spell it "Kyiv" now); Bucharest (um, it's in Romania, geo-boy). Tie a string around HAARP and drag it across your globe. It operates LOS. Drag your line from Alaska to Bucharest, Alaska to Kiev, Alaska to Moscow. See how those three lines describe the same angle? "Marching it home," if you will. Now, what's immediately downrange of those three vectors? Apocalypse Central: JERUSALEM.

"Testing testing, APOCALYPSE APOCALYPSE, SIBILANCE SIBILANCE."

Then there's the one in Conklin, Alberta. Put in a red pin and pull your line across the globe. What's downrange on a straight line from HARRP and Conklin? Talahassee, Florida, where this was recorded:



So.


Some potential religious fanatics want to carry out some ridiculous Old Testament prophecy (Gog and Magog) by way of this newly cooked-up hoobah about Iran and Israel and everything else, but first they need to scare us to death. Alas, they're not gonna get away with it, no matter how much time they spend on these silly spooky broadcasts, real or fake, but regardless of the intent, THAT'S ALL THEY ARE. Silly spooky broadcasts. Fake videos. It's not real. If we all know this, and know that it's intentional, then no weird sky noise can cause terror. The effect is ruined. Like Da-da said, don't be scared. It's just a recording. Now we just need to bring those who are doing this out in the open so our children can finally be safe from all this crap.

Happy 11/9/11 Apocalypse... er...

We want an apocalypse about this big, please. Put it next to the other one, for a nice two-pronged effect.

...oh. In case you didn't know, some wags promised a bizarre occurrence/EOTW (End of the World) game changer event today, but it looks to have fizzled in yet another failed apocalypse. Jeez, looks like this magilla's gonna go the distance. (Go the distance.) What? (Go the distance.) Oh.

Great. Now Da-da's gotta go build a baseball field in... where? White Horse, Canada? How annoying... er, YAY. One of his prime "shoeless" prospects has already arrived, and is no doubt the source of all the whispering. Or Da-da's meds have failed yet again. Sure, Da-da's new outfielder is from Canada, but he's got a mean eye... and if Mr. Gossage's arm never develops -- if indeed he has an arm in there -- Da-da will have to ease his pain on Thanksgiving Day, or trade him to Whole Foods for a player to be named later.

Actually, a minor sporting apocalypse has indeed occurred today, which Da-da won't make light of, as none of it is funny.

Oak Island Mystery SOLVED? [PART 1][UPDATED]

Arrrr, solving mysteries be better than gold, mateys... or not.

Allow Da-da to flex his 20+ years research into arcane subjects a moment. You all like stories of gold and buried treasure, Da-da will wager, so let's dig into the overblown oxymoron that is The Money Pit, better known as The Oak Island Mystery, arrr. [Spooky music UP.] Aye, this be the island where untold treasure lay buried, just off the weary coast of Nova Scotia. An 18th Century teenage sighting suggested that pirates had buried it there, and folks have been digging the crap out of this flat little nowheresville island (now devoid of oaks, denuded by treasure seekers) ever since, crazed by what they're sure is billions in chests of looted gold, yawning untold fortunes and run-on sentences... fortunes that have yet to turn up in the 216 years that investors have been losing fortunes trying to locate them. Money pit, indeed. Da-da recently read about yet another tragic band of suckers investors sinking yet more moolah into the aptly named Money Pit, this time electrocuting the island in hopes of divining underground tunnels that will lead to the promised land of arrrr. Whatever.

Da-da's pretty sure that few of his readers have probed The Oak Island Mystery in any great detail, but since you all like a good probing, a quick look at the initial facts will yield the near-certainty that there is no treasure -- not anymore, anyway. This from wikipedia:

The Apocalypse Has Been Temporarily Postponed While We Give It a Fresh Coat of Paint, Please Stay Tuned and Very Afraid

Da-da's had enough. Some kids on a playground told Da-da's oldest that the world was ending soon, and that nothing mattered anymore, so why do anything your parents or teachers say? They invariably synthesized this nonsense from phlogiston their parents (who should know better) were slinging. So. Let's get this over with.

Historically, there have been an untold number of schmoops (schmoe-groups) who have camped out beneath smoking volcanoes, or the bases of hills populated by bloodthirsty bandits, or "sleeping" in bunkbeds awaiting a comet, or shacked up with millennial fever... the schmoops' common denominator the anticipation of the END OF THE WORLD, which never seems to transpire according to anyone's schedule. Alas, the Insane Vending Machine that's calling the illusory historical shots wants you to be afraid 24/7/365, as it adores unpleasant surprises and lowering the boom, so it would never give you advance warning; it just keeps on delivering cheap shots, usually early in the morning when you're stretching and having that first cup of coffee, or while you're in bed all warm and toasty. Suffice to say that whatever terrible catastrophes await the Once and Future Schmoops are going to be complete surprises, followed by three-inch headlines.

Therefore, using Da-da's Adamantine Logic-log of Friendly Advice-ity, Da-da can say with great authority that absolutely nothing will happen on December 21st, 2012... except maybe the horror that is fighting total strangers for the latest Ben 10 Ultimate Alien Bathroom Fixture or that puce muffler for grandma. Sure, you'll sweat and tighten those sphincter muscles those last few days before Christmas, no matter how much sense Da-da makes... or doesn't make... that little fish in the back of your mind taking the doomsday bait, then spitting it back out.

There's one question, one that Da-da consistently asks of many schmoop reps after the world fails to end for them (Cold War Apocalypse, Y2K, Hale-Bopp, 9/11, the recent Rapture-FAIL, etc.): what are you gonna do with your life when the world fails to end in a Mayan 2012 Apocalypse of Doom, like when it failed to end all the other times? Anyone? Buehler? What will you do with your life? Whatever you do, try hard not to give the fear a new coat of paint and a new deadline (PLEASE STOP), or it'll be yet another self-fulfilling prophecy clean-up on aisle nine again and again till that volcano blows the comet into the thing and the boom and the bing.

Newsflash: the world will one day end -- officially in about 5 billion years when the sun expands into a red giant into the orbit of Mars. In the meantime... what, Da-da worry? Howbout if we all band together and take a thousand year sabbatical from fear and, well... smile after the ellipsis and get some coffee and try not to take everything so seriously.