Pay No Attention to the Planetary Meiosis and Mitosis Happening in Front of the Curtain: Da-da's Sky Anomaly Report From the Field #47

Buckle up, Timmy.

This one's a little weird, even for Da-da. But it's a GOOD weird.

It started normally, if a little over-caffeinatedly. Da-da was sleepless most of last night, though not with kid wrangling duties or a preoccupation with Cheermageddon. Cheerpocalypse? No, it involved a quick holiday jaunt to visit friends and mental patients (recovering parents) on the West Coast, where Da-da was inexplicably forced to lay awake most of last night -- yes, sober -- in a quiet guest room, window open, unable to stop himself from hearing the low, ominous rumble coming from outside. The sound lasted from about 11:00 pm to about 3:30 am PST, above -- or below -- Northern California. Then it stopped. There was no rain, no wind during the event, and the sky was overcast. Stranger still, this was the same place Da-da heard his last sky-sound anomaly ("Pay No Attention to the Clown Banging a Shield Behind the Curtain").

What was it?

Well, Da-da knows what it wasn't. Da-da grew up near Edwards Air Force Base, among others, so he knows well the sounds of the Jet Age. He also lives in the flight path (who doesn't?) of a major metropolitan airport, so he can safely say that the sound wasn't jet engines.

Having lived through big 7.0+ earthquakes in California -- and about a million little ones (4's, 5's and 6's) -- Da-da can reliably say that it sounded kinda like the way an earthquake does before it reaches you (like parents, some move faster than others). He stepped outside for a better listen, as sometimes you can hear an earthquake coming, like a freight train coming over a hill 200 miles an hour. But this sound was different: deeper. And everywhere. Omni-basso profundo.

Now it gets weird.

First, the disclosure part. Sure, Da-da's central nervous system has been stunned and beaten and shaved and painted blue and left in a cold dumpster by renegade KinderGraders, but parenthood occasionally drags around a preternatural sixth-sense blankie with it, giving afflicted parents a higher level of intuition -- or maybe it was there all along and Da-da never paid any attention to it. Whatever you call it, this ability sometimes gives Da-da a step on Entropy's zigzag pass route, allowing him to guess correctly when he needs to catch barf above gramma's sofa, or snag something sharp and pointy out of the air before it's coincident in space-time with some kid's head. It's not all obviation, though.

Put simply, after Da-da wondered aloud what was going on, he suddenly had a movie clip pop up on his cranial drive-in screen. Da-da knows this sounds strange (ok, source considered), but he saw the earth as a giant cosmic cell undergoing some kind of geo-spiritual meiosis and mitosis. The planet divided up its genetic material -- with more on one side -- then split into two planets. One went UP to... another universe? somewhere... with most of the genetic material, while the other went... well, nowhere, with hardly any genetic material. One was light, the other dark. One glowed cosmic vanilla, the other drabbed out a muddy brown. Here's what Da-da's talking about, illustrated with chocolate jelly donuts. (Sorry, Da-da didn't have any vanilla jelly donuts.)

Now there are TWO chocolate-earth jelly donuts! Actually, one was vanilla, and the chocolate one tasted BAD.
Who knew bio-metaphysical psycho-pastry imagery could be so enlightening? [img courtesy exophrine]

Suffice to say that Da-da registered that the majority of humanity had turned a cosmic vanilla corner, and that we're all gonna get some well-needed, ontological breathing room... along with less war, better donuts and donut parties, and season tickets to whatever we want. Oh, and chili burgers and antacid tablets are all now half-price.

There was more. Like there needs to be more?

Da-da was also made to intuit that we're supposed to drink less alcohol (or maybe Da-da's supposed to drink less alcohol), and that our tastes are gonna change. And time will be different -- LONGER (so that time you spend with your attorney will now be an, "attornity," the portmanteau billed accordingly). And we're all gonna start eating less meat and more fruit and veggies, and get more exercise and THRIVE a lot more, and turn into telepaths (telepaths?), the better to realize we're all ONE GIANT MEGABEING, whoa. And, of course, we're all gonna develop pointy ears and Go Where No Man Has... ok, ok. Suffice to say that the word for 2013 and Beyond will be: "FASCINATING." On a lot of levels. And we don't have to sacrifice any more red shirts to make it happen.

Come on, humanity looks GOOD in blue.

 
And hey, don't shoot the messenger. It was just a dream. Sure, it occurred while Da-da was awake and hearing some weird sky anomalies, but don't let that sway you. Da-da reports things prima facie; he has to, as his reason was destroyed by small children and rebuilt from dusty TRS-80 parts, leaving his floppy mind in a kind of permanent, "Robotic Field Reporting" mode -- yes, the rest of him coming from some old novelty vending machine: drop a coin, pull a knob, have some fun.

Hey, look everybody! Da-da's here!

Pay No Attention to That Big Speaker in the Sky

Dude, can you turn that DOWN?

Ok, Da-da has nothing else to do but think and wonder -- or try to think and wonder, while watching children NOT think in wonder -- and he's been wonderthinking if someone, somewhere, has discovered how to create and induce focused gravity waves, and have been testing such a system for nefarious purposes.

Peaceful or not, these potential sound/weather engineers were no doubt wasting their potential -- potentially -- on some spooky arm of the U.S. Government, which has nothing better to do than waste tax dollars on weapons of bass production. Middle-class reduction? Too bad they can't take credit for creating BANKS, those weapons of crass destruction. Wealth reduction? Anyway, here's why Da-da suspects someone somewhere may have discovered how to induce focused gravity waves.

Besides all of these examples, Da-da had his own earwitness event earlier this year:

Pay No Attention to the Clown Banging a Shield Behind the Curtain

The other night, April 12th, at approx. 3:00 am, while Da-da was trying to sleep after visiting with friends in Northern California, Da-da was witness to the weirdest thunder Da-da's ever heard in 198 years of thunder concerts. "Regular" thunder booms and echoes. But this thunder was, to wax onomonopoetic, like this: BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM.... Da-da lost count, but it sounded like seven times. (Seventh Seal? Buehler?) There was no echo, though, just extremely impressive and repeated, loud metallic reports of equal intensity.

The trailing edge of a storm was indeed over us, but nothing was happening until the cacophony, which sounded for all the world like a thousand-foot-tall giant banging a club against an enormous bronze war shield, and there was no rain or hail -- or lightning -- where Da-da was. It did, however, make the whole of Marin County vibrate. And while some might think it was due to thunder echoing (the town where Da-da heard the sounds is in a large box valley, suggesting echo to some), Da-da is a recovering musician (jazz and classical) and has rather acute hearing, and can tell if a sound is an echo or not. Additionally, Da-da not only grew up in a box valley surrounded by mountains and thunderstorms, he also spent lots of time in Colorado Springs, the thunder and lightning capital of the world, so he's pretty much heard it all -- that is, until now.

Suffice to say that it seemed like some large and aggressive zeitgeist-y spirit had finally been purged (and wasn't very happy about it), trying one last time to scare the pants off everyone. Well, it worked for the people around Da-da. Da-da himself rarely wears pants to bed, but if he did, they would've been scared off. (Da-da actually wears boxers with little Yodas on them.) So. Slice it right with Occam's razor and you've got unusual thunder. Slice it sinister (that is, slice it left) and you might've just heard HAARP being... HAARPy.

Ah. Now the weird part: The exact same metallic banging sound was reported in San Diego, CA and Lacey, WA at the exact same time, 525 miles south and 750 miles north, respectively. That's some echo, Timmy. Perhaps this was just a West Coast, longitudinal Testing of the Sound System for the Apocalypse? Next stop: rousing the whole earth at once?

In this account, Da-da blamed HAARP (which turns out to be a global system with numerous installations), which could indeed be the culprit mechanism, as it might be able to induce and modulate an electromagnetic vortex in various levels of the atmosphere strong enough to produce a sound -- OR find/create various standing wave resonances in a specific-sized/shaped bodies of ionized air at a distance and modulate sound into it. Those are two ways to potentially generate the observed phenomena.

Another avenue for creating these sounds is via focused gravity wave. The aformentioned weird sounds were the smoking gun. Since they were identical they were clearly a test recording designed to provoke terror, and since they were LOUD, the focused or circular gravity wave hypothesis makes more sense. It's easy to assume a gravity wave application if you know how speakers work:



Basically, when electrical current flowing through some matrix (copper, air, etc.) changes direction, the material's polar orientation reverses. A speaker is basically an electromagnet, and when you apply a modulated AC current to it (modulated by say a spooky voice through a microphone).... BOOM. Sound from the speaker.

Now imagine that someone invents a way of creating gravity waves at a distance -- or reverse engineers one from alien technology (like they did with the laser, the transister, memory metal, etc.) -- using the earth's natural magnetic and electrical fields. However it's created, the circular gravity wave itself acts as the magnet, and the air inside the magnetic toroid (esp. wet air) acts as the matrix. Indeed, the air would have to be the right density to achieve a truly sonorous effect, say 75% humidity or more. Apply a modulated current to said air matrix and BOOM: youse got yer Sound System of the Apocalypse available for use in scaring the extremely gullible and telling people the white zone is for loading and unloading ONLY. It's also conceivable that this technology could be used to create light effects, or perhaps even project images with the help of space-based lasers on satellites. Depends on how much mojo's workin'.

So. If you hear the Horn of the Apocalypse -- or the Gong of the Apocalypse, or the Giant Rubber Chicken of the Apocalypse -- or somesuch spooky sky sound in the coming months, you can sit back and relax and hope that they start playing requests. (Arthur C. Clarke said that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. POOF.) If all this sky sound system stuff is true and viable, after they use it for scaring the pants off people at the London Olympics, this kinda thing could open up a whole new royalties/copyright stream for recording artists, like Gordon... er, Sting, doing planetary shows. Hey, Gordon, could you turn that down?

All that said... if the End-of-Times Light-n-Sound Show you see is AWESOME and makes you feel GOOD and HOPEFUL and HAPPY and a lot of other nice words -- and nobody dies -- it's probably NOT the U.S. Government acting as producer. It's probably something several orders of magnitude better.

Yo, Angel-dude, can you turn that UP?

Pay No Attention to the Clown Banging a Shield Behind the Curtain (UPDATED)

Go home, war god.

Three places at once?
 
The other night, April 12th, at approx. 3:00 am, while Da-da was trying to sleep after visiting with friends in Northern California, Da-da was witness to the weirdest thunder Da-da's ever heard in 198 years of thunder concerts. "Regular" thunder booms and echoes. But this thunder was, to wax onomonopoetic, like this: BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM... BAM.... Da-da lost count, but it sounded like seven times. (Seventh Seal? Buehler?) There was no echo, though, just extremely impressive and repeated, loud metallic reports of equal intensity.

The trailing edge of a storm was indeed over us, but nothing was happening until the cacophony, which sounded for all the world like a thousand-foot-tall giant banging a club against an enormous bronze war shield, and there was no rain or hail -- or lightning -- where Da-da was. It did, however, make the whole of Marin County vibrate. And while some might think it was due to thunder echoing (the town where Da-da heard the sounds is in a large box valley, suggesting echo to some), Da-da is a recovering musician (jazz and classical) and has rather acute hearing, and can tell if a sound is an echo or not. Additionally, Da-da not only grew up in a box valley surrounded by mountains and thunderstorms, he also spent lots of time in Colorado Springs, the thunder and lightning capital of the world, so he's pretty much heard it all -- that is, until now.