RULE #1: DON'T EAT LEFTOVER KID FOOD. EVER.
Yes. Leftover kid food. Besides being the yummy adult equivalent of somatic lead (read PURE FAT), half-eaten leftover kid food -- when not burned by the CDC in Atlanta -- is highly contagious, especially after school has started.
Da-da knows this. He knows that when you eat leftover kid food (um, from your kid's plate, because you feel guilty wasting it), you're basically eating the Swiss Family Robinson of Disease Vectors, all current kid maladies fluxing through area elementary schools in one toxic bite. Ah, but what you may have forgotten is that Da-da's brain has been missing for years and is still at large ("large" being a polite descriptor), so he mistakenly broke RULE #1 last night, tempted by those awful goddamn little chicken dinosaurs that contain opium and a mind-altering substance that makes you not only eat them but crave them, even if they're nine days old and lying in radioactive mud, yielding aches and pains and truly epic run-on sentences. Opium kills germs, right? Oh, the kid-laden humanity.