Um, hello? Da-da's existing skin regime has repulsed face invaders
for well over 2000 years, bandages notwithstanding.

Da-da's pretty sure that corporations will eventually stop sending him product emails like this:
"Hope this message finds you well. As we gear up for fall and the weather transitions from hot & humid to crisp & cool, your male readers will need to transition their skin regimes as well – ensuring that they use the right products to keep their skin feeling and looking good."
Skin regimes? You mean like slathering your face with sloth grease and yak intestines every morning, noon and night? Da-da's already got that covered, Mbasa. C'mon, did Conan the Barbarian stop battling Bellil the Demon Ruler to exfoliate? (Conan meant that to be rhetorical; he's just that way.) When you're pulled half-asleep out of a parental foxhole every morning for years and years and forced to make chow and clean blast zones and clothe and feed zombies while under fire, then launch said 4 and 6YO zombie payloads on target on time every time, the last thing you're worrying about is overthrowing your goddamn skin regime. (Your skin has already worked all kinds of angles with the old regime, why rock the boat?)

Don't think Da-da merely mocks, here; he's actually quite serious about his personal grooming, as evidenced by his Googletrac Razor and the bandages and goggles he constantly wears. (Try shaving under bandages, Dracula. Now, THAT'S commitment.) However, if Corporate Skin Regime Scientists somehow develop an on-contact minty cream that increases memory and vigor and tolerance for people who ignore their children while staring at small screens all day, or a combo stun-tag-and-release neuro-tangler and grilling tool, wing 'em over to Da-da.

Btw... that "feeling and looking good" part? Please. Unless you're a celebrity or making six figures, wake up and smell the parental oxymoron. For most of us, this is Combat Parenting we're talking about. Note that, contrary to popular belief, Da-da does strive to be occasionally conscious (and failing that, at least vertical), if not overly driven by an unyielding and intractable sense of personal external hydration.

Like the Bat-ster, Da-da is a fanatic about personal external hydration.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...