It's Always Superlatives Weekend

Best reason to not go back in time.

That Long Labor Day Weekend Look of Parenthood

Nothing can prepare you for being the parent of multiple children OUT OF SCHOOL
over any kind of holiday -- except maybe involuntary 24/7 confinement with HOWLING,
hyperkinetic mental patient midgets who won't stop howling and trying to kill one another
until the day AFTER the holiday.


Scenes From Da-da's Mind-Roasting Summer

Da-da's surgery turned out AWESOME... until the tide came in. Damn.

The Happiest..... er, SPYINGEST Place on Earth?

UPDATE: Sorry, Ma-ma kept Da-da honest by doing some digging and it turns out that the below excerpt is innaccurate, and being misrepresented by some people, now Da-da being one of them. Damn. Seems the "software engineer" referenced was stoned out of his mind on said day (the infamous 4/20 Day of Stonedness), and his girlfriend volunteered their particulars to the park in advance. That said, D-land still has more cameras per square foot than any other place on earth, but speaking as one who's worked there, it comes in handy when someone barfs (custodians magically appear to spread, "pixie dust" on the offending splotch), or if some visiting gang member gets a little fighty -- OR if you're playing a song that's NOT in the Disney songbook (jeez, it was just, "Lullaby of Birdland," give Da-da a break).

Here's the original story, with the Naomi Wolf portion now DEBUNKED.


Da-da was planning Bronko & Nagurski's first trip to Disneyland, but he's not so sure, now. It's sad, as Da-da used to work for the mouse (now, The Maus) years ago, and he gives THE best unofficial tours...

This Is How We Know The Shocking Facts About 'TrapWire' Are True

Last week WikiLeaks published internal emails from the U.S. private security firm Stratfor that describe a widespread surveillance network called TrapWire that was created and is run by former members of the CIA.

RT first broke the story about the system's staggering reach into the privacy of passersby and informative stories followed.

Then several news outlets claimed that the growing dismay was misguided, specifically the claim that cameras linked to TrapWire utilizes facial recognition software.

Ryan Gallagher of Slate said the reports are "rooted in hyperbole and misinformation" and Scott Shane of the New York Times called them "wildly exaggerated."

But one thing – besides the fact that the founder of TrapWire's parent company said the software "can collect information about people and vehicles that is more accurate than facial recognition" – proves to us that the reporting on TrapWire is rooted in reality: Mickey Mouse does it.


A Naomi Wolf article in the Guardian about the rise of security cameras at Occupy hangouts and the multi-billion dollar biometric technologies industry includes this story:
A software engineer ... visited Disneyland, and ... the theme park offered him the photo of himself and his girlfriend to buy – with his credit card information already linked to it. He noted that he had never entered his name or information into anything at the theme park, or indicated that he wanted a photo, or alerted the humans at the ride to who he and his girlfriend were – so, he said, based on his professional experience, the system had to be using facial recognition technology. He had never signed an agreement allowing them to do so, and he declared that this use was illegal. He also claimed that Disney had recently shared data from facial-recognition technology with the United States military.
It turns out that Disney applies biometrics – that is, the statistical analysis of biological data – in the form of scanning visitor fingerprint information and identifying people with facial recognition software.

[NOTE: Da-da discovered that you can opt out of the thumbprint thing, which is, apparently, a "thumb measuring" device, to prevent people... from doing something. If you show ID at a ticket window, you can get right in.]

In fact, "Walt Disney World is responsible for the nation’s largest single commercial application of biometrics," and after 9/11 the government sought, "Disney’s advice in intelligence, security and biometrics," as reported in 2006 by Karen Hamel of News 21.

Hamel listed several former Disneyland employees that have gone on to fill, "some of the most sensitive positions in the U.S. intelligence and security communities," including:
• Disney executive Gordon Levin, who was part of a group convened by the Federal Aviation Administration and other federal agencies to help develop a plan for, "Passenger Protection and Identity Verification" at airports by using biometrics.

• Eric Haseltine, who left his post as executive vice president of research and development at Walt Disney Imagineering in 2002 to become associate director for research at the NSA and then became National Intelligence Director John Negroponte’s assistant director for science and technology.

• Bran Ferren, who served on advisory boards for the Senate Intelligence Committee and offered his technological expertise to the NSA and the DHS.
So if Mickey does it at, "the Happiest Place on Earth" – and willingly shares his biometrics secrets with the government – then it's no stretch that TrapWire actively spies on people all over the world.

[This is sounding a little paranoid.]

Read more
Da-da can understand Disney's desire for high levels of security, but they can do that without violating guests' (or cast members') civil liberties -- esp. those of children. Needless to say, Da-da cares little about himself, but the privacy and civil liberties of his children -- and everyone else's children -- is a different matter. Da-da for one won't stand for this. So, Da-da chooses to do the most hurtful thing he can to the Disney Empire: he won't give them his money... not that he could afford the ticket prices, anyway.

So long, Walt. Da-da's glad you didn't live to see what they've done to your dreams.
No wonder his ghost haunts the place.

Mythical Da-das No One Wants #3

Ex. 3. Ben from "Blue Velvet" (expertly played by Dean Stockwell).
Really anyone from Blue Velvet makes this list.

Mythical Da-das No One Wants

Ex. 2. Freddy.


Mythical Da-das No One Wants

Exhibit #1. Travis.

Pay No Attention to the Pillars of Light Parting the Curtain [UPDATED 8-19-15]

Whoa. High geophysical weirdness in Japan. At least, Da-da thinks it's geophysical. Might be huge healing beams of light from the Great Beyond. Who knows? Anyway, here's the scoopage:

Mystery Light Columns Appear In Japan 2012

Dozens of mystery light columns appeared in Japan following an unusual thunderstorm.
Hundreds of people witnessed this rare and frightening phenomena, as fiery light columns appeared in the sky.

Eyewitnesses reported, that the light poles appeared immediately after a heavy and unusual lightning storm, lasting several minutes before vanishing.

In 1908 just before the Tunguska explosion, similar phenomena occurred, giant pillars of fire rose from the earth to the sky.

Many locals are fearful that a major disaster is looming, and that the light columns are a warning of grave danger.


Here are similar phenomena, though it looks like ice crystal fun, recorded in Latvia in January, 2009:

This taken in Belgium, January, 2009, accompanied by the Leonid meteor shower:

And this from Idaho, same bat time, channel...

Dramatic, but not as dramatic as the Japanese daylight pics. Scientists explained the above night-time shots as light reflecting off ice crystals in the atmosphere, but there are no ice crystals in Japan in the summer time, even at night -- nor in Mexico, home of the other daylight showing:

Sure, the above example is pretty BAM, but the Japanese light columns are more impressive, even without the pyramid. Weirdnesswise, the light pillars remind Da-da of...

...this thingie. However, since the Japanese light columns were associated with a severe thunderstorm, Da-da's 10% certain that what we're seeing are serious electrical exchanges between earth and atmosphere, with the other 90% pointing to... yup. You guessed it:

Yeah. You knew it had to be unicorns, right?

Seriously, if you were an advanced being (or even a unicorn being) and you wanted to give some lowly terrestrial hominids a sign that things were gonna get better, wouldn't you choose a huge white pillar of light?

UPDATE 8-19-15:

Strange Beams of Lights are seen all around the World


NASA Has Been Drinking

FYI, this NASA video was reportedly deleted after being up for a short time. This is the best Mars UFO video of the lot -- if it's real. If it is indeed real, then there are a lot more NASA scientists hittin' the white zinfindel tonight. Save some ice for Da-da.

Why Humans Can't Build Flying Saucers

Science Has Been Drinking


The Wolf of Allendale/Hexham Skull Mystery Gets Weirder (And Maybe a Bit More Ancient?)

Drop that cup!

Like spooky skulls, the number 72 pops up in all world myths, myths being ancient mnemonic devices for teaching and remembering all sorts of astronomical thingies (e.g., it takes 72 years for the earth to turn through 1 degree of arc; 12 houses of the zodiac, each a 30 degree chunk of sky associated with a specific constellation, the gestalt used to describe The Precession of the Equinoxes, etc.). This all makes sense.

Anyway, since it's 72 days till Halloween, Da-da thought it high time for some long-winded spooky somnium that doesn't make any sense at all. This is what Da-da's all about.

Da-da recently (re)discovered the story of  The Wolf of Allendale/The Hexham Heads on Lon Strickler's blog, Phantoms and Monsters, which gets plain weird when you get to what happened in 1972 (72 again!):

Bizarre Hexhamshire: The Wolf of Allendale / The Hexham Heads

In February, 1972 the Robson boys were weeding their parent's garden not 10 minutes walk from where the 'Wolf of Allendale' stalked the woods. The pair soon unearthed two carved stone heads both about the size of tennis balls. A few nights after the discovery, neighbour Ellen Dodd was sitting up late with her daughter when both of them saw what they described as a 'half-man/half-beast' enter the bedroom. Although both mother and daughter screamed in terror, the creature seemed disinterested and walked off down the stairs. It was heard to be 'padding down the stairs as if on its hind legs', and the front door was later found open.

Dr. Anne Ross took an interest in the apparently Celtic carved stone heads and took possession of the Hexham pair. She had several others that were similar and wanted to compare them, believing these were at least 2000 years old. Dr. Ross lived and worked in Southampton at the time, and had heard nothing of the strange goings-on and apparent return of the 'Wolf of Allendale' associated with the carved heads. A few nights later at around 2.00am, she woke from sleep feeling cold and frightened. Looking up she saw a strange figure in the doorway of her bedroom. She later stated:

It was about six feet high, slightly stooping, and it was black, against the white door, and it was half animal and half man. The upper part, I would have said, was a wolf, and the lower part was human and, I would have again said, that it was covered with a kind of black, very dark fur. It went out and I just saw it clearly, and then it disappeared, and something made me run after it, a thing I wouldn't normally have done, but I felt compelled to run after it. I got out of bed and I ran, and I could hear it going down the stairs, then it disappeared towards the back of the house.

Dr. Ross simply dismiss the event as a nightmare, but when she later returned home with her husband, archaeologist Richard Feacham, they found their teenage daughter, Berenice, distraught and in tears. After some coaxing she managed to explain the reason for her state, and Anne suddenly realized that she had not been dreaming the night before. As Berenice later told, she had returned to the empty house at 4.00pm. As it opened the front door she saw a large shape rushing down the stairs toward her. Halfway down, the thing suddenly stopped and vaulted the banisters, landing with a soft thud like a heavy animal with thickly padded feet.

Dr.Ross decided that the stone heads were the source of the problem, and promptly disposed of her whole collection. The Hexham finds were soon passed into the hands of other collectors, including the British Museum, where they were displayed to the public for a short time until reports of eerie occurrences forced them into storage.

Reportedly, the stone heads were examined at Southampton and Newcastle Universities for proof of their age. Chemist Dr. Don Robins noticed that the stone heads contained a large amount of quartz, therefore hypothesizing that they were somehow storing energy. The heads were later buried in an undisclosed location however, this resulted in unusual goings on in the area of the burial. Now the heads seem to have disappeared without a trace. These artifacts have disappeared from public knowledge and their current whereabouts are unknown.

Spooky. Anyway, Da-da had read about this latter account from 1972 -- 72 again, spooky! -- but had never seen any of the skulls involved, until now. He recognized them as being perhaps part of the ancient game of Noughts & Crosses, otherwise known as Tic Tac Toe, played as far back as the Ancient Egyptians (and who knows where they got it -- it's OLD):

Noughts & Crosses, aka Tic-Tac-Toe.

Look familiar? Those heads the two boys found in Hexham could be part of an Egyptian Noughts & Crosses game. It's been Da-da's pet theory for years that the Ancient Egyptians had some involvement with the ancient, prehistoric British Isles (besides similar symbolism, some even boast Egyptian place names, like the Pharaoh's/Faros Islands, the SET-LAND/Shetland Islands, etc.).

But so what, big deal. What has all this to do with little crystaline skulls and multiple freaking werewolf manifestations (not to mention the mechanism of how one conjures the other)? Well... could THIS be what the above witnesses were seeing...

...Anubis, Egyptian god of the dead, Egypt's oldest god? (Not The Grateful Dead, that's a whole other dog-headed god entirely.) He's admittedly a bit too civilized here, so let's picture him a little coarser and hairier and more powerful, like this from artist, Ramy Magdy:

"RRARG, I'm runnin' down your stairs, fools! Boo!"
Not sure why this be the case, but Da-da's just here to point out patterns. As Da-da has said many times, being A Man Called Da-da -- and living in a haunted house -- has prepared him for accepting all sorts of bizarro events (weird diaper changes, projectile vomiting, small child levitation, bigfoot in the shower, etc.), so he takes all this stuff at face value. Of course, it really doesn't matter, but if you're digging in your garden in the British Isles and you uncover some little skulls, or an ancient noughts & crosses/tic-tac-toe board, you might wanna just box them up and send them to the Queen. She LOVES werewolves, being one herself; here she is, getting ready to transform:

We are SO not amused. And we are SO going to rip your throat out with our fangs and claws.


The New Apple AirPod?

Can you see Steve Job's ghost behind the wheel?

It goes 43 mph (70 kph), has a 125 (200 km) range, costs $10,000 and runs on compressed air. Is it any wonder that it's illegal in the U.S.? Check this thing out.

Sure, energy (electricity) is still needed to compress and pump the air, but it's still better than our archaic petroleum transport culture. Da-da thinks Apple should buy it and go into the green transport business. Oil execs would wax apoplectic (and would no doubt stage catastrophic "accidents" to scare people away).

It's Always Superlatives Week

Best... er, Best SOMETHING Ever.

Don't Ask For Whom the Bell Tolls...

...'cause it's tolling for you apes to get yer butts BACK IN SCHOOL! Ring-y ring-y!
That's right: Da-da's brain has left the building.

Da-da Warmin' Up the Rust Bucket, 'Cause...

...it's almost time for BACK-TO-SCHOOL! Please return your seats to their full upright position,
extinguish all smoking materials and buckle up, as EXTREME BURNOUT is imminent.
Hopefully everyone's wearing their G-suits...


Raiders of the Lost Da-da

Hm. SHOULD Da-da remove that pesky Golden Idol that the boys put in the foyer??
Sure, it goes with Da-da's Gothic Incan motif, but...


Five Bad Reasons Why Parents Might Actually Want XXXL Progeny

Da-da used to be a fat kid, so he was wondering if perhaps some parents might actually WANT THEIR KIDS TO BE GYNORMOUSIZED. Why would someone want this terrible outcome for their child?? Check out the following un-PC reasons why some children might be overweight:
  1. So parents can KEEP TRACK of kids better. 
  2. So parents can KEEP UP with kids better.
  3. So parents might have a fighting chance against marauding hordes of cannibals/zombies.
  4. To remind parents of their favorite '80s monster, The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
  5. To save money on lead weights and rope and duct tape. 
Da-da's currently plying his own hellspawn with PIZZA AND DONUTS as he writes this, so he can spend less money on lead weights and rope and duct tape, as 5YO Bronko and 7YO Nagurski currently see every store/museum/mall at a dead-run. (NOTE: Da-da doesn't think fat is funny, esp. after being the butt of so many jokes for so many years, but he did get a sense of humor out of it. AND he does wish he could somehow strap lead weights to his children to slow them down to sub-light speed.)

Remember: muscle burns fat. Marshmallow just BURNS.


Dodged Another One, Photo Montage Ed.

Looks like we all dodged another whacko conspiracy knuckeball by getting through the summer Olympics without any serious 9/11-type event or alien landing -- or additional sightings of THE QUEEN'S HAPPY FACE, real or otherwise.

We continue to not be amused.

Da-da's insider contacts continue to point out that, for the most part, guns aren't working and missiles are failing all over the place, frustrating someone who badly wants to do serious WWIII mischief (with a few weird exceptions). Da-da for one is going to be celebrating every day from now till New Years like we all won the lottery... but without the actual moolah and limitless resources. Nighttrain shooters at Da-da's!

Now all we need do is convince the media that NPAA is something people should know about before it happens to them. It's sad when the foreign press is the only champion of the U.S. Constitution. Hello? This thing on?

Regardless, note that someone somewhere forecasted that this week is the beginning of a MAMMOTH INFLUX OF LIGHT, through Thursday. From where? FROM DOVES AND BUNNIES AND ANGELS AND UNICORNS O'COURSE, where else? Da-da doesn't care where it comes from, so long as it comes. So, be happy. Good things are happening.

Whoa. This isn't gonna mess up the wax job on Da-da's '81 Honda, right? Right.

Oh! And this is Da-da Post #1111! Whoohoo!

It's Always CAT Superlatives Week

Winner of the Best Cat Levitation Award (non-possessed).

It's Always Superlatives Week

Winner of the 2nd Best Cat Levitation Award (possessed).

Scenes From Da-da's Mind-Roasting Summer

Da-da visited Cannes... er, CANS... and bonded with some other hard-working writers on an important project. A pity that Da-da was in the can the whole time -- inside that very one there, in fact. Where were they rolling Da-da? Where else?

Jeez, once you label someone...


"What Also Floats in Water..."

SIR BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!


Raft of pumice floats off New Zealand

A navy ship sailing towards the Kermadec Islands has encountered a 25,000 square kilometre area of pumice pieces.

The area of floating pumice was estimated to be 250 nautical miles in length and 30 nautical miles wide.

The Royal New Zealand Air Force (RNZAF) Orion spotted the phenomenon yesterday afternoon, while on maritime patrol from Samoa to New Zealand.

The area of floating pumice is about 85 nautical miles off West South-West of Raoul Island.
Lieutenant Tim Oscar, a Royal Australian Navy officer described the phenomenon as "the weirdest thing I've seen in 18 years at sea".

He said the raft of pumice was moving up and down with the swell as far ahead as he could observe.

"The rock looked to be sitting two feet above the surface of the waves, and lit up a brilliant white colour in the spotlight. It looked exactly like the edge of an ice shelf," said Oscar.

RNZAF staff had been briefed by GNS Volcanologist Helen Bostock the previous day when the ship first encountered an area of pumice from an undersea volcano, believed to be New Zealand's third erupting volcano -  the undersea Mount Monowai.

"I knew the pumice was lightweight and posed no danger to the ship. None-the-less it was quite daunting to be moving toward it at 14 knots.

"It took about 3 - 4 minutes to travel through the raft of pumice and as predicted there was no damage. As we moved through the raft of pumice we used the spotlights to try and find the edge - but it extended as far as we could see," said Oscar.
The Commanding Officer, Commander Sean Stewart changed course to intercept the pumice, and brought the ship to a halt to enable retrieval of samples.

The samples will be analysed to determine which volcano they came from.


"What also floats in water?"
  VILLAGER #1:  Cider!
  VILLAGER #2:  Great gravy!
  VILLAGER #1:  Cherries!
  VILLAGER #2:  Mud!
  VILLAGER #3:  Churches -- churches!
  VILLAGER #2:  Lead -- lead!
  ARTHUR:  A duck.
  CROWD:  Oooh.
  SIR BEDEVERE:  Exactly!  So, logically...,
  VILLAGER #1:  If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.
  SIR BEDEVERE:  And therefore--?
  VILLAGER #1:  A witch!
  CROWD:  A witch!

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