Bigfoot Mystery SOLVED, Da-da Style

Time for a spa treatment.

Bigfoot is stinky. And hairy -- nay, SHAGGY. Unkempt. Nails are uncut. He's certainly not one for personal hygiene. He likes his privacy. He's a little heavy-ish and misanthropic. He leaves big footprints (um, hence the name). He's cranky and lives far from civilization. He occasionally screams and howls for no reason. Any of this sound familiar? It does to a parent of small children.

Yes. Bigfoot is simply A PARENT WHO'S GONE OFF THE DEEP END and is wearing fluffy slippers in the mud. Young children have driven a group of these poor individuals insane and they've just not showered or shaved or got a haircut or manicure in a lo-ooong long time. Kinda like Da-da, who is occasionally mistaken for bigfoot.

So. There ya go. Another Great Mystery solved. Waiter, Monkee haircuts and absinthe high colonics for all of Da-da's bigfoot friends!

Baby, you done let yourself go.

Chemical Dependency, or Parenthood?

Maybe the cat can figure it out.

The Horror of... THE GROWTH

Sure, Halloween's over (is it ever really over?), but you still want to see something reeeeeally scary, right? You're just that way. Ok, ready?

Try a morning at a household with two or more boys who are ALL SUDDENLY GOING THROUGH GROWTH SPURTS. ALL CAPS doesn't do it justice.

The ravenous monsters went through nine eggs, eight english muffins, a box of strawberries, a grapefruit, two bowls of cereal, two yogurts, Da-da's brain and part of the cat. The undead screaming and UFC ninja mad monkey cage fighting were epic until the food arrived. Afterward, the only sound left floating across the smoking battlefield was that of manic zombie mastication and the occasional growl. AND THEY'RE ONLY THREE AND FIVE. Jeez, I can't wait for them to be teenagers. I'm posting the, "WANTED: DA-DA," sign now.

Better still, I'll just hand them over to the Monkey Police right now.