Da-da Van Wynkle (No, not Wynkelhorn)

LOOK what having kids DID TO HIM. Next, on CONAN THE O'BRIEN!

Da-da's trying to WRITE over here, but things keep happening so he's forced back into the plastic tube for a moderately timely thing about... some other ellipsoidal... thing. What?

Da-da basically fell down in 2005 when he had his first kid (ok, someone else did all the growth and birthing, but Da-da had to comb his hair... while he still had it). And he was just starting to get up when the next kid came along in 2007 like a 40 lb. sack -- yes, a very cute sack -- of rabid weasels that just ate another 40 lbs of wienerschnitzel. (Um, that's 80 lbs. How's Da-da's math?)

It should thus come as no surprise that Da-da not only says things like "thus" all the time, but also got out of the habit of watching prime time anything. No prime time movies, no TV, a little Internet, some weird articles about perpetually blurry flying glowing-red-eye things in Pennsylvania that eat people... you know, a total pop blitz.

So.

Da-da watched "Conan" for the first time today -- seriously, first time -- recorded from last night, and...

Da-da did not recognize a single celebrity name or movie.

He did recognize CONAN. He likes Conan, though he's seen him mostly online, enough to recognize that hair as being Da-da's hair that Conan seems to have stolen while Da-da slept. Nice move, commander. Da-da *did* understand the monologue jokes, as they were mostly knee-jerk (funny knee-jerk) off the wires and THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. But the guest celebs... no idea. Their names and movies might as well have been in chinese.

What does this mean to you?

It means you are, right now, reading words written by the previously near-decade-unconscious DA-DA VAN WYNKLE. There, Da-da used his full name for the very first time.

This is not to be confused with dadavanwynkie. That's a totally other thing, a medical condition not to be made fun of; it's not nice to reference those poor unfortunates whose garage does NOT sport galactic hot dog and zucchini machinery. Nor should you mistake this post as issuing forth from Da-da Von Wynkie, the Austrian Spandex Pioneer and Sausage Enthusiast, not that there's anything wrong with that. And NO, not Wynkelhorn. Da-da always puts LACES OUT. Da-da lost his train of thought again, but who cares? Welcome! Jeez, now Da-da knows why politicians babble: not making any sense is so very very liberating.

Kids, BE SAFE.