Da-da's Holiday Party Advice For the Mildly Impossible

Or failing that, run.

STAR WARS Episode VII: The Sequel Moolah Force Awakens

Ah, artistic integrity in action. Or not.

Xmas Cat Welcomes You to The Holidays -- Now in 4-D!

Just say, "MEOW" in your head until you manifest beyond
time and space... which kind of already happened.

Happy T-Day From AMCDD

Close Encounter of the Cranberry Kind?

Go Down Cranberry Moses

Da-da would follow Cranberry Moses farther if he didn't use high fructose GMO corn syrup.

The Cranberry in Monster Conversation

The Cranberry Sauce Has Been Drinking

Jellied, not stirred.

Bond, Cranberry Bond

DUH DUT duuuh DUH DUT duuuh DUTUTDADADADUT...

Cranberry Blob Has Left the Building

"I looked at the cranberry trap, Ray."

A Thanksgiving Sign Unto Youse

Note: mothers-in-law take longer to marinate.

T-Day T-Bird Inbound With Extreme Prejudice

Krikey. Best start drinking now.

Intruders From the Great White North

Why the Rosetta Mission Failed (So Close to Thanksgiving)

Mmmm, turkey comet...

Turkey Rapture Means Your Holiday Table Got LEFT BEHIND

Don't forget... you're having tofurkey this year, as all the turkeys raised their vibration a few years ago. They do that.

A Sign Unto Youse

One Last Loaded Album Cover Unto Youse

Looks like a nine-shooter.

All the Pretty Porcine Parallels: Rare 1976 Swine Flu "Epidemic" Audio

Almost done.

This is worth a listen. It speaks for itself.

Another Frightening Album Cover Unto Youse

A Frightening Album Cover Unto Youse

Mr. T Smells Like Victory

TGIF @ The Non Sequitur

Common Core clearly works wonders.

Don't Mess With Comet 67P? [UPDATE2]

Space monster in the comet? Let's hope this thing fails big. Read below to see why.

Da-da asked The Internet Oracle, a gifted psychic (yes, a real one) about the strange sounds coming from Comet 67P (Rosetta mission) -- which can hear for yourself HERE, it's spooky -- and this is what she said. It's spooky for a reason. Yikes.

Q. What is this sound coming from comet 67p (rosetta mission)? I think it’s from a telepathic species that’s placed their thoughts into a radio frequency band so humans might understand them. Check out the sound:  https://soundcloud.com/esaops/a-singing-comet  What are they saying and why is it on this comet?

A. I don't see it as talking, but there is something living on this comet that exists at that frequency and we (with technical assistance) are able to hear that frequency.  I will say I didn't feel good about it -- and it feels dark.  I also get something not in the greater good will happen if we alter or do something with this comet (i.e., try to interfere, poke or prod).  I get a picture of us trying to destroy the comet eventually, and in doing so it spreads a disease (a puff of a virus comes out of it).  I get the creators of this comet are on a mission and do not want to be messed with.

Basically, don't mess with Comet 67P.  Lovely.

Perhaps this is why this comet was selected from all the other city-sized bits of flotsam in the outer solar system, and why various government agencies spent over $2 billion dollars on its ten-year mission? Da-da suspected this to be a lot of money for a such a small comet mission, and perhaps now we know why. It's like living a Japanese monster movie.

Note that there's probably little to worry about, as in this timeline, the anchor bolts did not fire into the comet (this feature failed), so if the drill portion doesn't work, either... someone has our backs. Lots of planned bad things (PBTs) are simply not occurring because of this simple, reassuring fact. It's the power of Positive Thinking. But if a giant monster egg appears in your timeline and starts spewing death, take comfort in... well, something... and good luck: we're all counting on you.

[UPDATE, afternoon, same day: The Guardian (UK) came out with a story along these above lines this afternoon... which is pretty shocking, as they're about as mainstream as it gets. So, basically, LEAVE THAT COMET ALONE! Let is pass. Nothing to see here.]

[UPDATE2, evening: WHOOHOO! Thank you, happy timeline!]

Protect Yourself From THE FLUTE

"Da-da, Where Do Shopping Carts Come From?"

It's pretty self-explanatory, kid.

Change Often Wears a Mustache

Things are a-changin' here on Planet X.

A Sign Unto Your Hipsterness

Post-Election 2014: GRIDLOCK WORKS

Watch out for those mime-laden Checks & Balances.

SO many people are upset about the result of Elections 2014. Da-da's not.

Da-da LOVES gridlock. GRIDLOCK WORKS. Gridlock is Washington, DC's best product. Indeed, it's part of the Founding Fathers' grand design: if a Republican Congress butts heads with a Democratic President... yay! Nothing happens! Each cancels out the other and they can do no more mischief, or at least the mischief is reduced.

As voters, we should exploit this common denominator loophole indefinitely. Besides, when unfriendlies man posts right next to each other, you typically get interesting -- and occasionally entertaining -- fireworks.

Let the games NOT begin! 

Keep hovering till 2016, ok?

Happy 11/11 Int'l Day of Peace (or, "GODZILLA... SHAKE!")

"Godzilla! Shake!"

Quick and Fearless HUG-A-LIBRARIAN Week Quiz

A letter from Hotland, OH YEAH.

Since Da-da has designated today... er, THIS WEEK to be, "HUG-A-LIBRARIAN WEEK," he's received nothing but complaints... mostly from librarians. THEY DON'T WANT TO BE HUGGED, necessarily, especially by YOU, Mister Creepy Halitosis, but Da-da says, "NAY!"

Da-da often says, "NAY," but in this case he says, "NAY NAY!"

Librarians NEED extreme huggage and patent ex libris patronization, especially given how unworthy the general public is to actually accost librarians. Failing any incipient huggage, feel free to transmogrify this sudden, impromptu-y bookish day of mirth and frivolity into, "GIVE LIBRARIANS LOTS OF MONEY WEEK." If a hug goes with that, then so be it.

In light of this, Da-da offers up the following rather chilling LIBRARIAN HUGGEE QUIZ. Be sure to cover up the answers before answering, and good luck: Mr. Dewey is counting on you.

Question #1: DO YOU allow this main to join the library?

(Answer: No. He'll get blood on the books. Call 911.)

Question #2: What's wrong with this picture?

(Answer: nothing. Your Librarian Control Panel 9000 always flashes
WEIRD, STRANGE, or BIZARRE -- or, often, all of the above.)

Question #3: Is this advisable?

(Answer: YES. When faced with a book emergency, most anything is advisable.)

NOW, it's time for some literacy cake!

Literacy cake is sweet-and-sour, if not wholly improbable.

The Inexplicable Horror of THE PRE-HOLIDAY TRIBBLE VORTEX

Aiiiee, someone close that holiday vortex!

NASA's Been at the Corn Liquor Again

This is what NASA's been drinking every day for two weeks to come up with their latest Mars cover story.
Besides being every NASA bartenders' secret ingredient, Mellow Corn also tastes just like corn flakes.

[NOTE: This post was de-listed... but not by me. And a whole other post about NASA being dumb and hiding things has been deleted. Thank you so much for your censorship, Google. You suck.  So, here it is again.]

Ok! Let's get into it.

NASA has finally -- after two... er, THREE weeks of intensive hopped-up/corn-liquor PR dot.LIE meetings -- come upon a swamp gas story to explain the GIANT EXPLOSION on Mars, which factually occurred about 100 miles up from the Martian atmosphere. They story? It was a meteor storm that did it, smacking Colonel Mustard with debris from Comet Siding Spring. In light of this incredible new evidence (incredible that it took NASA three weeks to hatch something so lame), let's look at the evidence.

BOOM! Of COURSE that's a meteor shower. Caused by swamp gas. Damn Colonel Mustard!

Oh, here's the live version, below, just so you can see all the 400 billion meteors necessary to cause such an explosion:



Ok. That's pretty much self-explanatory. Now, let's look at the EXTRA weird plasma meteor shower energy that inexplicably smacked into Mars from the South Pole, while Siding Spring was approaching from the northeast.

No, it's not a lens flare, as lens flares don't move from south to north and explode. Giant jelly donuts, maybe.

GOSH that nonexistent lens flare swamp gas reflection might be energetic as hell, with a completely different trajectory than Comet Siding Spring, but it sure had nothing to do with the enormicon explosion, no. That's definite, Musta been a really big donut meteor... er, shower.

Here a few more views of it that swamp gas lens flare thing.

Just to be thorough, here are some actual 35 mm and 50 mm lens flares for comparison:

Identical swamp gas bigfoot reflectionage indicative of the gullibility of the general public.

Now let's look at the enormous wealth of NASA meteor shower images they're recorded from all those probes and satellites in Martian orbit and on the ground...

...oh. All they recorded was this snippet from, "A FEW GOOD MEN." You know, 'cause we can't handle it, our advanced degrees and volumes of common sense totally worthless.

If you must read the NASA pap, here it is. You of course believe every word of it, because that's the kind of trusting soul you are. Gosh, the sheer amount of pictorial evidence on NASA's site alone... oh, wait. There isn't any. We have to take their word for it. AGAIN.

Swamp meteor donut gas. Musta been.

Those damn swamp jelly donut meteor showers make a damn mess, Mabel. Just ask NASA.

Today is Samhain, The Old Beginning of Winter...

...and this should give you some idea of the kind of winter it'll be.
Buckle up, Timmy.

Thursday Night at The Non Sequitur is WET BUNNY NIGHT

Da-da's rabbit got dirty.

"Da-da, What Do You Do All Day When We're in School?"

Two words: ROBO DOG. "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"

A Sign Unto Youse

Vote NO on YES

or

It's the same thing, right?