Why the Rosetta Mission Failed (So Close to Thanksgiving)

Mmmm, turkey comet...

Don't Mess With Comet 67P? [UPDATE2]

Space monster in the comet? Let's hope this thing fails big. Read below to see why.

Da-da asked The Internet Oracle, a gifted psychic (yes, a real one) about the strange sounds coming from Comet 67P (Rosetta mission) -- which can hear for yourself HERE, it's spooky -- and this is what she said. It's spooky for a reason. Yikes.

Q. What is this sound coming from comet 67p (rosetta mission)? I think it’s from a telepathic species that’s placed their thoughts into a radio frequency band so humans might understand them. Check out the sound:  https://soundcloud.com/esaops/a-singing-comet  What are they saying and why is it on this comet?

A. I don't see it as talking, but there is something living on this comet that exists at that frequency and we (with technical assistance) are able to hear that frequency.  I will say I didn't feel good about it -- and it feels dark.  I also get something not in the greater good will happen if we alter or do something with this comet (i.e., try to interfere, poke or prod).  I get a picture of us trying to destroy the comet eventually, and in doing so it spreads a disease (a puff of a virus comes out of it).  I get the creators of this comet are on a mission and do not want to be messed with.

Basically, don't mess with Comet 67P.  Lovely.

Perhaps this is why this comet was selected from all the other city-sized bits of flotsam in the outer solar system, and why various government agencies spent over $2 billion dollars on its ten-year mission? Da-da suspected this to be a lot of money for a such a small comet mission, and perhaps now we know why. It's like living a Japanese monster movie.

Note that there's probably little to worry about, as in this timeline, the anchor bolts did not fire into the comet (this feature failed), so if the drill portion doesn't work, either... someone has our backs. Lots of planned bad things (PBTs) are simply not occurring because of this simple, reassuring fact. It's the power of Positive Thinking. But if a giant monster egg appears in your timeline and starts spewing death, take comfort in... well, something... and good luck: we're all counting on you.

[UPDATE, afternoon, same day: The Guardian (UK) came out with a story along these above lines this afternoon... which is pretty shocking, as they're about as mainstream as it gets. So, basically, LEAVE THAT COMET ALONE! Let is pass. Nothing to see here.]

[UPDATE2, evening: WHOOHOO! Thank you, happy timeline!]

Spooky Space-Tiki Pole Found in Space (SPOOKY!)

Sure, the auroras are pretty, but look at that alien Spooky Space-tiki Pole!

This just in... a weird, Spooky Space-tiki Pole has been discovered floating in space next to the space shuttle Atlantis. Besides being SPOOKY, and a little redundant, Spooky Space-tiki Pole apparently brandishes the following magical powers:

1. Spooky Space-tiki Pole knows all the words sung to all the annoying songs in Disneyland's, "Enchanted Tiki Room," and sings them all day and all night.
2. Spooky Space-tiki Pole makes pretty aurorae and great fries.
3. Spooky Space-tiki Pole makes sexy, "Ooo, AHH, Ooo, tiki-tiki," noises when you dance with it.
4. Spooky Space-tiki Pole is great for impromptu cargo bay limbo or Int'l Space Station tiki-fu quarterstaff action.
5. Spooky Space-tiki Pole makes all NASA/ESA personnel not only fertile again (the MIBs sterilized them all back in '84), but also... well, ANXIOUS, ifyouknowwhatimeanandithinkyoudo. Be prepared for a mini-astro-baby-boom.
6. Alien characters on Spooky Space-tiki Pole have been translated as saying, "Property of Adventureland. Possession of Spooky Space-tiki Pole invokes Disney Executive Order #33, thus activating frontal lobe implants and inducing expensive family vacation expenditures to Disney properties, with tickets now only $300/day per person...." C'mon. You always knew Disney was an alien construct.
7. Like the Monolith from 2001, Spooky Space-tiki Pole has the power to embed pineapple chunks into ALL food on the surface of the earth.
8. Spooky Space-tiki Pole takes the "NAH" outta NASA. (Ok, it doesn't. Nothing will.)
9. Spooky Space-tiki Pole is always intense -- and fun!
   
10. Spooky Space-tiki Pole contains all the pent-up tiki power of the omniverse. Do not taunt Spooky Space-tiki Pole.

Here are some Da-da prepared for earlier shuttle missions.