Mmmm, Salmon Martini...

Yes, a lot of great things come out of Seward's Folly (read ALASKA, Scoob) that may induce vomiting. Here's one that's NOT political.

























[yuck]

Recently a BACON FLAVORED VODKA was seen and ingested by the Bacon Faithful, but this is hardly the same thing (it's actually quite good). However, as the originator of the Blood of the Vanquished (soon to be a MMP), I must say that I'd have to taste it before I'd reject it. Tragically dumb-as-a-box-of-dead-crabs former Alaskan politicos won't be so lucky.

They Saved Da-da's Brain (Well, Not Really)

Luckily for Da-da, he lives with talented 3- and 5-year-old brain surgeons. After seeing Da-da this morning (full fee, o'course), they realized that SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH DADA. Jeez, what was their first clue? Da-da always drools before 10:00 am. Anyway, behold the sorry state of Da-da's brain after a scant FIVE YEARS OF DA-DA DUTY:

Ew. Note the satellite dish and errant lizard. Da-da thought his soft tissue faired pretty well, considering; he was certain he'd have more noggin lizards by now. Regardless, after dangerous lizard- and satellite-dish-ectomies, Da-da's brain now looks like this:






















Much better, though Da-da's corpus callosum still needs work. He won't be happy till his brain looks more like CHER, and less like a spoiled blancmange. At least his L-parietal and L-occipital lobes are showing better definition, post-lizard, though he technically has no R or L without a corpus callosum. Really, everyone will be sporting these new UNIBRAINS in future, starting on Capitol Hill. Ahh, the enlightenment of undifferentiation. Damn, why does Da-da suddenly feel like a giant cockroach? Gotta write a novel about this.

Monkey! Robot! Pirate! Ninja! Zombie!

Finally, something worthy of Da-da's limited cranial pressure. Here are the rules:

Monkey
* Monkey fools Ninja
* Monkey unplugs Robot
Suggested noise: ee-ee-eek!
Robot
* Robot chokes Ninja
* Robot crushes Zombie
Suggested noise: ex-ter-min-ate!

Pirate
* Pirate drowns Robot
* Pirate skewers Monkey
Suggested noise: arrrrr!

Ninja
* Ninja karate chops Pirate
* Ninja decapitates Zombie
Suggested noise: keeee-ah!

Zombie
* Zombie eats Pirate
* Zombie savages Monkey
Suggested noise: braaaaaaaaaainsss!

[link]

We could add the following trump gestures: werewolf (CLAW), dynamite (ONE FINGER) and Bruce Campbell (NO HAND); those pretty much trump all the norms, so we'd have to Nicene Creed it to hash out the hash. Anyone who comments THE DONALD will be blackballed. (Resist the human side, Spock.) Ultimately, the "DICK CHENEY CHANNELING GHOST OF NIXON," gesture wins all, the gesture itself being so simple (MIDDLE FINGER). It's a cross between this:

























and this:




















I mean, if you look closely enough, you can see the NIXON inside every corporate logo; even though Dick is worse, the innate mea culpa of the subliminal NIXON might make the whole AVW NIXON logo thing more apropos -- or JEJUNE, I'm not sure -- I guess it depends on whose graduate thesis you're channeling. Where were we? Is this thing on?

Celebrities Reading Joyce: #1 in a Very Short Series

[NOTE: if you're a celebrity and you have a pic of you reading Joyce, feel free to send it to: dada-at-amancalleddada-dot-com. Da-da will gladly showcase your Joycian tendencies. Bonus points for actually reading Joyce, despite the fact that Da-da thinks Joyce took advantage of Sylvia Beach and deserves fewer readers. Blah Blah Bloom.]