Da-da's Easy 5-Step (Meditation) Sleep Method for Kids

Few realize it, but Da-da is the Sleep Master. Try this and you'll see why.

Triumph of A Man Called Da-da was at first supposed to be a parenting humor blog, but has since morphed into the metaphysical and anomalistic -- which is unavoidable when it comes to dealing with children and most government officials. In this light, here is a foolproof method of putting any child (or select adult) asleep with very little effort.

Da-da's Easy 5-Step Sleep-Method for Kids

After they've brushed their teeth and are in bed and ready for sleep, tell the child that you're going to teach them how to MEDITATE. When you speak, do so in a slow and calm, soothing voice. [Notes are in brackets.]

Step 1. Once the child is in bed, turn off the lights and tell them to get comfortable and close their eyes. Tell them to take a few deep breaths and relax.

Step 2. Tell them: "Now I want you to create a 'grounding cord' from the base of your spine [which you might have to describe] to the center of the earth. It's just a cord plugging you into the ground."

Step 3. Tell them: "Now imagine a big ball of white light all around you. [This is for their protection, but don't tell them that.] Wherever you go, this ball of light goes with you, all around you. Think of allowing only those with your greatest good inside your light bubble. Only those with your greatest good are allowed inside."

Step 4. "Now imagine a tiny, glowing white pine cone in the center of your head. [This is their pineal gland, a gateway of sorts.] Imagine a glowing cord going from that tiny pine cone to The Source, which is a big ball of very friendly light. You can't miss it."

Step 5. Tell them: "Now float... and imagine your true self, who you really are. Do this silently for five minutes." If they ask any questions, tell them to look around with their "spirit eyes" and find out. Check the time. Do not make a sound.

Five minutes later, your child is sound asleep. If your child isn't asleep, you either have a Yogi Master on your hands, or you need to add some calming layers to their bedtime routines (as well as avoiding all chocolate and sugar and ALL SCREENS two hours before bed; FYI, screens produce the same chemical in the brain that meth addicts enjoy). For the record, Da-da's oldest is classic ADHD, and he typically goes to sleep in five minutes with this technique, though Da-da sometimes has to do it twice.

When your kids are teens, have them try this meditation technique WHEN THEY'RE AWAKE, and concentrate on any number of meditation topics. Tends to calm them down. Grounding alone is worth the price of admission. This sleep technique also tends to eliminate bad dreams.

Better still, it works for adults. After you're comfortable with this meditation method and can get into it rather quickly, try asking for a spirit guide -- but be sure you set protection, as in Step 3. 

If you have a baby you're trying to get to sleep, try Da-da's Baby Pendula, but please be careful.


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(Meditation Note: While Da-da is suggesting kids lie down for the above, one would normally sit to meditate. Indeed, one can meditate anywhere. You can even meditate while walking or hiking or even riding in an elevator. While Da-da used to meditate every time his old boss used to talk to him, he typically meditates sitting/"zazen" in a rocking chair. Note that zazen doesn't mean sitting cross-legged the way you see monks and yogis meditating: "The aim of zazen is just sitting, that is, suspending all judgmental thinking and letting words, ideas, images and thoughts pass by without getting involved in them." -wikipedia, 'zazen')