Leap Day Rules: Refuting Crappy Yoda Advice

Hey! That's not what Da-da's talking about! Paws off the boob, babyface.
(Oh, and nice circuit board, babe.)

The Pirahna... er, Banana Brothers, Bronko and Nagurski, were watching, "Empire Strikes Back," the other night (for the... fifth time). Halfway through, Yoda starts Yoda-ing about something Da-da's been noodling for years -- specifically, the scene where Yoda says, "No. Try not. DO... or do not. There is no TRY." Da-da stopped the movie at this point to directly refute the alleged sage advice.

Like the song says, "Ya Gotta Try." Doing is fine, but some things you're not gonna do right away. You've got to TRY, first. Sure, one person in a thousand will get it right the first time, but the rest of us gotta try and try and try and try until you get it right and can DO without fail. The DO thing is horrible advice, especially for kids. Don't you kids realize how many times Da-da had to TRY before he could get on an escalator without falling down? It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

So... TRY. That's all Da-da asks. That's all anyone can ask. TRY. Sure, you're gonna fall on your face a lot, but it's the first step toward DO. Oh, and Yoda... shut up. Use the Force on THIS, lizard breath. And if you don't like this one, THERE IS ANOTHER.

A little help.

Stormtroopers Missing Badly

So, this has bugged Da-da ever since he was forced to watch, "Empire Strikes Back," 54 times without sound when he worked a speakerless box office at a drive-in back in '81 (ACK, ANCIENT HONKY DA-DA ALERT), but since his FIVE YEAR OLD recently picked this out during a recent viewing...

"Da-da, why are the Stormtroopers always missing?"

Da-da said something nice, of course, about them having a bad day or missing on purpose, but for lack of a better explanation: Stormtroopers suck, son. If they didn't, the plot would grind to a halt, and that right soon. Their marksmanship is horrendous, plastic suits of "armor" useless, organization terrible and in disarray, and horribly prone to cheap Jedi Mind Tricks. Bottom line: Stormtroopers need better training... and man, does their moral suick from watching so many of their brethren choked and fried by the Dark Side.

Which begs the question: why do so many people dress up as stormtroopers when they suck so bad and lose in the end? Are these people nostalgic for fascism? That's as weird as Franklin aced out by whitey. And while Da-da has you, how can any Stormtrooper tell who outranks any other Stormtrooper? They all look alike, save for Lord Vader and his black-clad nasties. Whatever. Like Hewlett-Packard employees, maybe they're telepathic clones.

Well, as The Old Man of the Sci-fi Mountain, Da-da dimly recalls another group whose aim wasn't that good -- but it was a hell of a lot better than Vader's schmoes -- so the below snap could have something to do with Stormtroopers missing badly:

And which came first: the Clones, or the Cylons? And how soon till you hear THIS at an airport near you?

("SCAN FOR IDENTIFICATION")

Marriage-a-trois

The missus initially disagreed, but then conceded that the only way to properly raise multiple children, without going mad, is... to marry a third party. Come on, you know it makes sense. Yeah, yeah, I know, sanctity of marriage blah blah blah. Then again, if you have two or more semper tantrum banshees in the airlock, all bets are off. You'll thank me later.

Now, after the curse of this delightful little gem of an idea wears off, then comes the tricky part: who's gonna be Number Three? And more importantly, what's their polarity?

Well, A Man Called Da-da has Triumphed over that little obstacle: if it's a ROBOT, then everyone's happy! That's right, THIS MIGHT BE THE DROID YOU WERE LOOKING FOR. You were waiting for that, right? Yeah, I'm weak.

Some might question the C3PO addition, but I for one LOVE gay robots; like Rabbi Robots, they're just funnier than regular robots.

All for one and one extra one to clean up the barf! Get to it, professor.