Your Autumnal Equinox Calibration Results

SNAP CRACKLE POP... ow.

Yup, Da-da's compass needle pointed directly east into the rising sun this equinoctial juncture, confirming this, our 5+ billionth equinox for planet earth. And of course after staring into the rising sun for too long in the interests of science, Da-da's eyes burned to a crisp, were powdered and are now being marketed in Japan as a combo soporific/prophyllactic. But don't worry, Da-da can still see, after a fashion, and you'll be happy to know he's also decided to go into politics...

Hey, you kids...

Welcome to Your Autumnal Equinox Calibration (and Improbable Space-Junk Heads-up)

Looks level, right? Did one of you bump it?

Da-da's boys adore compasses, especially those heavy brass ones they like to throw at each others' heads. So, speaking of barely tenable segues, some folks think that the earth may have shifted somehow, and that the sun is rising and setting in new, different places (like in Da-da's pants; maybe that's why he was so hot). There's an easy way to find out what's happening. On the Autumnal Equinox -- Friday, September 23, 2011 -- just get up early (yeah, right), set a compass (a real one) on the window sill and look toward the point where the sun rises. It should be exactly due east. If it's not, then we have a problem, Houston. (We kinda already had a problem, but Da-da doubts Houston can do anything about it.)

Question: if the earth's crust slipped a little and the magnetic poles shifted a little, would the compass and earth points still return the same values? But they'd be skewed values, right? Is this thing on? Anyway, because Da-da is all about skewed perspective, below please find a graphic showcasing the largest star yet found (at bottom) with our little big star (at top).

Hey, man. Are you small? No, man, I'm tall, I'm tall.

Please also note that NASA said that that small bus... er, satellite Da-da talked about earlier will probably come down on the Equinox. Jeez, talk about Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, the odds are approaching that of that improbability drive Da-da installed in his refrigerator. 

Coming soon: The Ultimate Do-or-Die Equinox.

Science Has Been Eating Donuts (or, "Why Your Kids Will Grow Taller in Hudson Bay")

Despite this attractive graphic, gravity is NOT pretty.

Check out this pretty image, built from data collected by the GRACE satellite mapping the earth's magnetic fields in painfully low resolution... hey, don't go to sleep, now! This has direct bearing on you. Wait for it...

Scientists are still trying to figure out what this chart really means, as well as what gravity really is (hint: look up, "universons"). You may have noticed instances of higher and lower gravity graphed above, which could be indicative of magma convection beneath the mantle, or perhaps mantle depth, or number of toys per square inch in your family room. And speaking of magma, it will NOT make you taller, but it can induce some pretty fast lap times. The pretty colors above could also be mapping geomagnetic flux density, or perhaps how many high-energy donut shops there are in any given area, which is kinda the same thing in a not-kinda-the-same-thing kinda way. You getting all this?

Note that the Earth’s gravity changes day-to-day, microsecond-to-microsecond -- and some donut shops more than others -- but the above image shows how average variability in Earth’s gravity field in 2002 compared to the yearly average of 2001. Whoa. What this REALLY means is that your kid will perhaps grow taller and get a better basketball scholarship if he or she lives in Hudson Bay. Or the ocean floor. AND keeps away from donut shops, especially those in the Marianas Trench. Mmmm, Marianas Trench donut... a specialty of The Donut Den. (Ok, it is now.)

(high energy donut image courtesy brent in nashville. awesome.) 

Ok, the REAL run-on truth is, when you're talkin' earthy locale microgravities, you're looking at an increase in somatic growth of probably just a few microns, unless it's a whole bag of donuts, and then you might reap a whole freakin' millimeter if you stand right in the vortex, but then you might get sucked in and whacked in the face with flying clocks, hourglasses, the odd barn from 1938... so, you might wanna stay in the Oldsmo-buick, like that's gonna help, but how does this gravity thing affect you as a parent? That's right. These are the forces that contribute to those kid forces that are grinding your bones to dust. Feels better now that you know, right? Is there a remedy? Yes, there is. JUMP INTO THE VORTEX. It's really just a big donut if you only consider the first two dimensions. Whatever. Da-da needs a donut.

Seems like Da-da's seen this image before...

The 'Nome Synch Zone

Submitted for your approval: five 176 bpm metronomes that are about to take a trip through oddness and obsolescence, through a zone whose influential boundaries are that of synchronization. Your next stop: the 'Nome Synch Zone. This is not unlike effects seen in junior high school band drum sections (and some rhythm-challenged high schools and colleges) where the sections are suddenly suspended above grounding substrates, either by extremely large cans of diet soda, or shouts coming from the band director.

Ping Pong Ball vs. Giant Testicle

This is very interesting -- provided you like fluid dynamics and... well, pain -- and if you've studied any physics or chemistry or casino operations, you know that it's all about fluid dynamics and pain (and not just giant testicle simulacra). Everything acts as a fluid. Except Da-da's head. That's a solid.

Here, a water-filled ping pong ball impacts a giant testicle water-filled balloon at 600 fps (impelled by a leaf-blower, which influences the "bounce"). The obverse view is especially interesting. BTW, guys, next time put some dots on the ping pong ball, so we can see if it's spinning. And wear your cup.