Da-da's Psychotronic Catalog of Extreme Mental & Physical States of Quasi-Parental Vagabondage

Photo #327a. "You don't wanna know."

Da-da's Psychotronic Catalog of Extreme Mental and Physical States of Quasi-Parental Vagabondage

Exhibit 127. "The Substitute Teacher."

Pater-Morphology/-Morbidity: In this frightening example of Quasi-Parental Volition Cascade (QPVC), a quasi-parental subject -- in this case a substitute teacher (seen here with Bronko and Nagurski in their typical, Rousseauian state) -- will need be on their guard almost constantly. Turning one's back on highly intelligent and rabid frankenspawn (that is, children) is wholly contraindicated for all save for those extensively trained in the martial arts. However, after an assertive, two-fisted propriocentrist quasi-parental guidance session, 89% of no-neck lawn gorillas will drop their weapons and sullenly stand down... but watch your back. Freud and Jung, in a rare agreement, called QPVC, "The plateau of death." Oddly enough, psychologists and neurologists studying this all-too-common malady have determined that the future is doomed for male childcare workers over the age of 40 (slow reflexes and all that).

LISTEN to a bad old Oxbridge recording of the above

Da-da's Psychotronic Catalog of Extreme Mental and Physical States of Parental Vagabondage

Yes. Of course. Whatever you say.

Pater-Morphology/-Morbidity: In this tragic example of pater-parental volition collapse (PPVC), a Mr. Mom's mind and will have totally buckled under the stress of rabid, nose-mining frankenspawn (that is, children) who are constantly screaming, "I WANT! I WANT!" all the time, the Mr. Mom's formerly assertive, two-fisted propriocentrist parental guidance suddenly snapped into a deep neural acquiescence. Formerly the sole bastion of afflicting mothers-in-law and domineering wives, PPVC often leaves the male sufferer with only the word, "YES" in his vocabulary, as he caves to every demand. Freud and Jung, in a rare agreement, called PPVC, "The last stop on the steam line to madness." Oddly enough, psychologists and neurologists studying this malady have determined that women are too smart to let this happen to them.

Da-da's Psychotronic Catalog of Extreme Mental and Physical States of Parental Vagabondage

Ex. 39. Mommy brain after-effects.

Pater-Morphology/-Morbidity: In this example of latent pater-parental neurasthenia, two mr. moms try desperately to regain the art of conversation after a mere four months of watching small children 24/7. A few more years of repeated exposure to what researchers often term, "screaming lawn gorillas" (aka, small children), accompanied by near-constant, ad nauseum single-word repetition ("STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!"), while watching "Yo Gabba Gabba" and "Wow Wow Wubbzy" over and over, even the above facial ataxia is destined to become little more than a happy memory.