History Has Been Drinking (or "SAM, JOHN... THE BRANDS ARE COMING")

237 years ago, pizzas were delivered in 20 days or less -- or your next pizza was free.

Uh oh. Da-da woke up with a history ramble. Historic ramble? So, buckle up those hob-nailed lyres and get those caveman colonists to a chariot-nunnery pronto, Tonto.

Speaking of untenable segues, kids studying American history are taught that, back in 1775, Paul Revere hit the road on the night of April 18 (um, that's 237 years ago, when Da-da was only TWO) to alert the countryside that British troops were on the move, primarily because the scones and double cream were reported to be much better in the next town (they weren't). Revere and another rider, William Dawes, reached Lexington, Mass., to warn Sam Adams and John Hancock that they were soon-to-become unpaid corporate figureheads of legend -- aaand that they were also going to be arrested for not paying all those outstanding horse certification and parking fines -- oh, and hey, they also needed to lock up all the scones. But, alas, everyone was captured and were made to eat the OLD scones (sans double cream and strawberry preserves, which is against the Geneva Convention), but what they were all really trying to warn us about was that THE BRANDS WERE COMING.

Yes, since the U.S. Constitution has been all but euthanized, it turned out those patriots risked their lives so today we could have Sam Adams Beer and John Hancock Insurance, and of course, Revere Ware cookware -- and Paul Revere Pizza in the Midwest, which features the tagline: "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Pizza." If Da-da's gonna fight for anything, it's pizza and beer. Insurance not so much. Note that Da-da can also be had for some decent scones and double cream. Or a Cornish Pasty. Have at you, libertines! Wait. What is a Libertine, anyway? Someone who wants Liberty, or wants to take it from you? History is so confusing.

Ah, wikipedia has it that, "A libertine is one devoid of most moral restraints, which are seen as unnecessary or undesirable, especially one who ignores or even spurns accepted morals...", which is Da-da all around the block. So, have at Da-da you... guys... what was the question? Doesn't matter, as Da-da's Sandworm Party firmly believes we should Give the U.S. back to Britain. The Colonies are your problem, now, Queen-E. Just keep the scones fresh. Jeez, like the Hitler Channel History Channel could give you history any better than THIS.

Superman was a Masterbaker. Manly! Super pizza-scones coming right up.
What was this post about, again? Hey, you kids, get those lights out of that tower!

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