|So far, the shock has been widespread.|
This just in...
Da-da's Melting Core Sheds Light on Mysterious Exo-Parent
[March 26th, 2012 in HeadSpace & Exo-Parenting Today]
Scientists now have evidence that Da-da's core has been dissolving, and the implications stretch far outside typical social conventions.
Da-da might be having a change of heart. Literally.
New simulations suggest that Da-da's rocky core has been liquefying and mixing with the rest of his exo-parent innards, which is pretty gross if you think about it. With this new data, parentologists hope to better explain the recent puzzling discovery of a Da-da reading Shel Silverstein's, The Giving Tree and weeping like a little girl.
"It's a really important piece of the puzzle of trying to figure out what's going on inside Da-da," said long-time Da-da-watcher, John Underdaspants, who's not affiliated with... well, with anything.
Conventional Da-da formation theory has modeled Da-da as a set of neato layers with a gassy outer envelope surrounding a rough-and-tumble rocky core consisting of heavier elements, many of which are inert at best. But increasing evidence has indicated that the insides of gassy giants like Da-da are a gooey mixture of schmaltzy elements without strictly defined manhoodie borders. This new research on a melting Da-da-esque core bolsters a mixed model of gassy giant exo-parents and would provide another avenue for heavier emotions to flow throughout the exo-parenting substructure.
"People have been working on the assumption that these kinds of "Mr. Mom" outlier objects are layered because it's easier to generalize with this assumption," said Typhon Fitznomex, a parenting scientist at the University of Morvalia and coauthor of the new book, Godzilla: Did He Cry? "Although parenting scientists had previously toyed with the idea of melting cores in recalcitrant exo-parents, nobody really cared enough until Da-da started crying while reading Shel Silverstein. The fact that, "Mr. Bojangles" was playing at the same time may be a mitigating factor."
Parenting scientists have had to rely on hearsay calculations of Da-da's core environment because conditions at Da-da's event horizon are usually far too extreme to recreate in the lab. Fitznomex and his U. of Morvalia colleague, Tanke Recalcitre, used a computer model to simulate emotional temperatures exceeding that of a bar room post-fight handshake, and pressures reaching that of a 7-11 queue in Philadelphia, PA, at rush hour.
Those conditions are thought to be underestimates of the actual conditions inside Da-da's core. Nonetheless, the authors found that compassion -- an important human compound now likely to be found in Da-da's core -- would liquefy and begin drifting into Da-da's fluid upper ontological envelope under these relatively tame conditions.
Researchers believe that similarly-sized gassy giant exo-parents -- those parents found outside nice, polite, mommy-driven society -- probably have similar internal structures to Da-da. Consequently, parenting scientists were baffled earlier this year when they found that Da-da's core state could change at all without alcohol.
"It's much easier to explain the composition of an exo-parent under a model where you have a mixed interior," said Fitznomex. "This of course doesn't mean you'd like to have coffee with them."
U. of Morvalia's Recalcitre agrees that most of the exo-parent's heavier personality elements likely reside in the outer envelope, waiting to erupt at the tiniest scream for blankies. Nonetheless, he expects other factors played a larger role in how the exo-parent's interior became so spastically nerfbaggy: "It's more of an exo-parent formation issue. Mayhaps he got beaten up a lot as a kid."
"The next question is, 'Will he eventually need a hankie?'" said Fitznomex, reaching for copies of Richard Adams', Watership Down, and Joe Haldeman's, Forever War.
|Some researchers have implied that Da-da may actually contain, at his core, a spinning Snow White.|