HOMEBOUND: The Series

Since it's Halloween week, let's talk about something reeaaally scary, while at the same time putting some silly illusions into the ground. Cover 'em deep; if they stir, hit 'em with a shovel. 

Ok, for those of you without kids, imagine yourself in the same few rooms, in the same house, locked away, for years and years, with little crazy people. (Sounds a little like a college dorm, but it's one level below that, w/o the sex and drugs.) Being locked away... what would that do to your mind? And what would you be like WHEN THEY FINALLY LET YOU OUT? I really wouldn't know. They haven't let me out, yet.

I've been pretty much stuck indoors -- unless I've been running errands or shuttling kids back and forth in the physical layer -- for something like 12 weeks, now. TWELVE WEEKS. 120 DAYS.

First, it was Venus-hot. Can't go out when it's 902 degrees. Then, school started. Yaay, right? Not. Welcome to The Center for Disease Control! One kid gets sick. Then another. Then the wife, then me, then another kid, then both kids, then all four of us, then the cat, THEN JUST ME. My cough and choke and sputter have become a sixth family member. I knew I was in trouble when we recently saw our pediatrician, and I heard him making the same noises. "Oh, I've had this same cough since August." ARRGG.

And now, it's raining.

Wherewasi? Oh, yes. HOMEBOUND.

Just as everyone starts feeling better, some goombah gives my youngest, Heironymus, A FLU SHOT, which made him kinda green and swollen and tantrum-y, but at least now he's RIPPED.

Hm. That does explain the endless debris field. But if I became a criminal, or criminally insane, hee hee, they'd lock me up, right? But I'm already locked up with the insane. Would that give me license to BE insane? Or should I be good so the warden is occasionally nice to me? (More like sparsely.) At least if they locked me up with other crazy adults, I could play cards, have a decent conversation, get some sleep, blog, mock the staff...

...Mr. DeVito, please pass the thorazine.

I was actually thinking of volunteering for Antarctic duty when I get out.

Mr. DeVito, please pass the penguin tacos.