Waiter, Da-da Will Have the Saltwater Hose-down

A 30-something post-millennial recently approached Da-da, earnest and beseeching -- what is Da-da, the Old Man of the Mountain? -- inquiring as to how his life might change when he has kids, besides the lack of sleep. Da-da chuckled in the First Person. That was easy.

Da-da used to take pride in his personal hygiene: being clean, showering twice a day, USING SHAMPOO, soap, getting his hair cut, brushing his teeth, wearing clean UNRUMPLED clothing with no permanent stains. A mere five years of being Mr. Mom have stripped him of all that, turning him into some kind of filthy, unshaven, toothless, damned dirty APE in the wilderness. (Da-da is sure this comes as no surprise to anyone downwind.) Da-da goes to the grocery store and childless people flee, small children point, teens laugh outright. Sure, go ahead and laugh, 'CAUSE IT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU ONE DAY, AHHAHHAHHHHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHAHEEHA, uh...

...what was the question? French toast, please.

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