Killer Solar Flare/Loch Ness Monster Mystery SOLVED

Phew. Glad that got solved. Explains "global warming," too.

Science... er, NASA Has Fallen Asleep in the Sun. Again

[sigh]

Are there no agencies worthy of the public trust? In a word, NO. In two words, NO NO.

The photos here assembled are the various filter images taken off NASA's sun-observing satellite immediately after yet another 24-hour "tech glitch" blackout of their feeds -- right after an anomaly appeared at the sun's north pole:



As of this writing, the below images are the same ones NASA's been running for the past two days, same time stamps, different date stamps. Once the site went live again, Da-da quickly grabbed the latest images before NASA quickly replaced them with stock oness from who knows when.

Look at the time stamps below for each of the satellite's filters. The times are the same, while only the date changes. These typically refresh at least twice per hour...

Da-da's Heliomancy 101: ATTACK of the Solar Samurai

As a Master Heliomancer and Baker, Da-da interprets the above as being a harbinger of DOVES AND BUNNIES: Get DOWN, Mr. Bun-bun! Easter is a -comin'! But don't forget to duck. Hold on, let's back up. As a Master Heliomancer, Da-da interprets the above very real and unretouched sunspot photo taken by Chris Schur at SpaceWeather on Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2014, as meaning that a kind of cosmic battle is taking place for this planet and all those who live on it -- and GOOD and REASON are winning. You'll begin to see the signs of this shortly. And YES, that means kittens will be safe, and billionaires will catch it in the shorts, and police will have their teeth pulled, and that the weather will cooperate -- a little, and the Federal Reserve will go the way of the dinosaurs while we throw water balloons, and Monsanto will be bulldozed, and bees might just make a comeback, and Congress and the President will do a photo-opp group-hug while doves and bunnies frolic... and ok, your favorite depressing metal band will fall into disuse and dishabille and disband ('cause people will tire of death and start to like happy positive uplifting group-hug music with doves and bunnies) and some of the disbanded musicians will coach kids soccer and some will move to Portland and make really cool electric-assist cargo bikes/velomobiles and some will become computer programmers and write video games about depressive metal bands that disband and some will just drink -- DRINK LIKE THE WIND. Whoa. Full Circle. Anyway, an exciting time to be had by all. Just keep out of the way of the solar samurai. And don't make eye contact. It tends to burn.

Here are the same sunspots the next day:

 One has either been beheaded, or is doing a backflip in preparation for a massive WHOMP. That's the technical term.

UPDATE: God-DOES-Play-Dice-With-the-Universe -- At Least in Mexico City

So. Unless our eyes deceive us and that's just a VERY large bigfoot throwing a monster Fedex box out of the sun (filled with attorneys they sent back), then the above really *is* a GIGANTIC BOX (or cube if you're a purist) coming out of the sun on 4/29-4/30/13. Just to recap, glitches don't typically transit from inside the sun's corona. Or they do, in this case. In multiple wavelengths. OR perhaps that's a huge die -- which means that, contrary to what Einstein said, God really DOES play dice with the universe. Place your bets.

[Ok, let's try a little math... the above object moves approx. 20 earths-worth of distance in 12 hours... Earth's diameter = 12,756 km. 20 x 12,756 = 255,120 km... D=RT... 255,120 = R x 12... so, God's die is moving approx. 21,000 kph. Pretty slow for a giant die-cube UFO glitch.]

UPDATE

And then we have this recent tidbit from Mexico City, from Dec. 31st: an all-black cube.


A sighting marred only by the guy's annoying gum-chewing.

A Coronal Hole for a Better Tomorrow?

Did you know: You can read the sun's astro-future via its emerging coronal holes? In the above case, it's a combo of,
"Winnie the Pooh going to a weenie roast," and Pooh holding out a cellphone so someone can call a snow plow.
Either way, that solar future reads: "Dr. Freud, clean up on aisle nine."

Or it's a crazy grand vizier chasing... an emergency brake.

The Ultimate in Autumnal Equinox Graffiti?

Either some alien graffiti artist has some awesome new solar spray paint to commemorate Autumnal Equinox 10...
er, 2013... or the sun is on sale for ten bucks. Or the sun has decided it's the 10th planet. Or we have ten snarkons till WHOOMBIE. Take your pick. Oh, and yes, Da-da is back. Just barely. It was close.