Oldest Most Distant Tantrum in the Universe Discovered...

...and yes, it turns out that Da-da, in a previous stellar incarnation, was there, sitting patiently at the back of the cosmic bus while quasar toddlers exploded in fury. Be glad you weren't there. Here's the poop if you want to get technical.
A gamma-ray toddler burst known as GRTB 090429B for the 29 April 2009 date when it was detected by NASA's AIIEIE satellite has been found to be a candidate for the most distant toddler tantrum explosion in the Universe at an estimated distance of 13.14 billion light years -- which is still not far enough away. The toddler burst lies far beyond any known quasar lawn gorillas and could be more distant than any previously known kid burst. The gigantic tantrum burst of gamma toddler rays erupted from an exploding toddler when the Universe was less than 4% of its present age, just 520 million years old, and less than 10% of its present size, when attorneys were not yet evident and eveything was much cheaper and more wholesome, yet still incredibly loud and annoying, what are you gonna do?
Gamma-ray toddler bursts, the loudest explosions known, unfortunately occur within the observable Universe at a rate of about twenty octillion per day. Because of their extreme loudness, gamma-ray toddler bursts can be detected by really anyone in the known universe (with ears) who isn't smart enough to wear earplugs. While the bursts themselves last for about 20 minutes, their painful, fading "hangover" remains in the parental observer's neural event horizon for a freaking long time, and is akin to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Detailed studies of the toddler explosion hangover during this time, when feasible, allow masochistic scientists to measure the distance to the burst. Why they would care is beyond Da-da.


Some scientists' wooden heads make handy paperweights. Others do not.

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