After years of heavily granted and costly research, A Man Called Da-Da -- in slack cooperation with slacker torpophysicists at AcmeVaporware -- has finally cracked the cranial cavities of small children (well, Da-da's anyway) WITHOUT USING AN AXE. Not as much fun, Da-da knows, but then there's that morals/ethics thing. Utilizing Da-da's patented Psychotronic Audio Retention Evaluation & Neuro-prepubescent Translator (PARENT) system, parents and relatives can now hear exactly what children hear WHEN A PARENT SPEAKS TO THEM. Test snippet is below; text color indicates ontological depth sounding:
[PARENT test string 4996587901a]

“…boys, STOP! I want you to STOP what you’re doing right now and LISTEN to what Da-da's saying. BRONKO! NAGURSKI! Do you hear me? Good. Nagurski, Da-da wants you to get OFF your brother this instant – YES, STOP the ATTACK! – ok, give him back the TOYS and REMOVE THE CAT FROM YOUR PANTS, or there will be NO ice cream, or any other dessert, tonight. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! And there will be no more TV!”

[PARENT/kid cranial interpolation efficacy 4996587901b hits IN RED, representing what kids actually hear. Note the similarities in canine responses.]

“…bo-BLOP! bla blonku boga BLAH bwapur bloing blah blah ba BLAH pu bwapuh balpa. BRONKO! NAGURSKI! Blahu ba ble? GOOD. Blyplapu bugletuvbur BROTHER bis blapsnt – YES, BLAHPde ATTACK! – OK, bluh bla bopda TOYS buh BLOGGKDU CAT GLACKUR PANTS, bla bler bahl ba ICE CREAM, bo blahnybotr DESSERT, blahblah. BONK BLORK BLUBUBLAH BUH?! Bep blonklbu bu MORE TV!"
Yet another scientific junket validated.

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