Your Heliomancer for Sunday, March 1st, 2015

For those who believe that techno-heliomancy -- divination via satellite images of the sun -- has merit (Da-da doesn't), check out Sunday's view from the SDO satellite. This latest looks like one half of a maniacal smiley face, whatever that means, or is that Brother J defeating some creepy horned thing? Sure looks like smiting to Da-da, and he's an expert.

Now, since our world is actually upside-down...

...give THIS angle a look. Is that an axe up there? Is the Cabal gonna get it? Or is that some old lady hitting the top-hatted Monopoly guy with her purse? Do old women hit people with purses anymore? As usual, your guess is as good as your guess. But something's definitely up. March is gonna be one wacky month, Da-da can feel it. And 2015 will not only be the Year of the Levitating Sheep, but also the stuff of legend. Keep seatbelts buckled loosely while we're hurtling through the ether.

Da-da's Heliomancy 101: ATTACK of the Solar Samurai

As a Master Heliomancer and Baker, Da-da interprets the above as being a harbinger of DOVES AND BUNNIES: Get DOWN, Mr. Bun-bun! Easter is a -comin'! But don't forget to duck. Hold on, let's back up. As a Master Heliomancer, Da-da interprets the above very real and unretouched sunspot photo taken by Chris Schur at SpaceWeather on Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2014, as meaning that a kind of cosmic battle is taking place for this planet and all those who live on it -- and GOOD and REASON are winning. You'll begin to see the signs of this shortly. And YES, that means kittens will be safe, and billionaires will catch it in the shorts, and police will have their teeth pulled, and that the weather will cooperate -- a little, and the Federal Reserve will go the way of the dinosaurs while we throw water balloons, and Monsanto will be bulldozed, and bees might just make a comeback, and Congress and the President will do a photo-opp group-hug while doves and bunnies frolic... and ok, your favorite depressing metal band will fall into disuse and dishabille and disband ('cause people will tire of death and start to like happy positive uplifting group-hug music with doves and bunnies) and some of the disbanded musicians will coach kids soccer and some will move to Portland and make really cool electric-assist cargo bikes/velomobiles and some will become computer programmers and write video games about depressive metal bands that disband and some will just drink -- DRINK LIKE THE WIND. Whoa. Full Circle. Anyway, an exciting time to be had by all. Just keep out of the way of the solar samurai. And don't make eye contact. It tends to burn.

Here are the same sunspots the next day:

 One has either been beheaded, or is doing a backflip in preparation for a massive WHOMP. That's the technical term.