The Extraordinary League of Anonymous, Mustachio'd Parents

We are everywhere.
We are legion.
We wear ridiculous mustaches.
We are exhausted and insane.
Oh, well.

2015: ENTER The Cribbage Millennium... IF YOU DARE (If you don't, that's okay, too)

Oh, the drama of the six-turn golden cribbage extravaganza!

Few things are as exciting as a rousing, two-fisted game of CRIBBAGE. Well, maybe nude cribbage. While not exactly rip-roaring, cribbage is, in the Grand Backdrop of Time-Killing Whateverness, both comforting and useful. Why do you care?

Because 2015 is The Year of The Six-Turn Golden Cribbage EXTRAVAGANZA, as well as the beginning of The Cribbage Millennium. Hope your hands aren't prone to cramps. YES, starting in 2015, we're gonna play cribbage for 1000 years straight. Why? Da-da has no idea. He thought you knew. Perhaps it's because 2015 is the year it's got 15 in it and because Da-da likes cribbage. Besides, this is the only year where certain dates can add up to 15, a thing that won't happen again till... well, 3015, in which case our six-fingered descendants will do it all over again!

Since you asked, here's a lightly Da-da-edited crib of cribbage history from wikipedia; best read it now before wikipedia lets some pocket-money anti-cribbage special interest group edit the facts:

According to John Aubrey (Captain of the HMS Surprise), cribbage was created by the English poet Sir John Suckling (who invented the suckling pig) in the early 17th century, as a derivation of the game "noddy" (thus named because the players often fell alseep). While noddy has disappeared on some dusty Dashboard of Oblivion, cribbage has survived virtually unchanged, as one of the most popular games in the English-speaking world. (No, really.) The objective of the game is to be the first player to score a target number of points, typically 61 or 121 -- without screaming at the other player(s), or giving them what-for with some heavy object. Points are scored for card combinations that add up to fifteen, as well as for pairs, triples, quadruples, runs, and flushes, but NOT for self-restraint, which is its own reward.

Cribbage holds a special place among American submariners, serving as an "official" pastime. The wardroom of the oldest active submarine in the United States Pacific Fleet carries the personal cribbage board of World War II submarine commander and Medal of Honor recipient Rear Admiral Dick O'Kane on board, and upon the boat's decommissioning, the board is transferred to the next oldest boat.

Cribbage is not only a great pastime for those with time to kill, or kids learning to count, it's also specially suited to modern times, such as: blackouts; riots; building/security lockdowns; LONG underwater deployments; barracks restriction; prison stays; whenever Congress is "in session," etc. All those moments we like to suffer celebrate together. Best of all, playing cribbage doesn't involve technology or energy usage in any way, shape, or form. Just a few friends and a deck of cards.

For those who don't play cribbage (what's wrong with you?), one goal of the game is to add up cards in your hand to 15 (e.g., 9 and 6, 7 and 8, 10 and 5). Note that there aren't that many "two-cards = 15" combinations, so for the purposes of Cribbage Millennium 2015, we will celebrate (or Da-da will celebrate while you watch) Special Cribbage Days where only cribbage will be played for entertainment, and only coffee and tea and little tea cookies and big tea cookies and all kinds of cookies and coffee cake and well ALL CAKES and pies and donuts are to be ingested (and whatever else you want). These days are thus:

Golden Cribbage EXTRAVAGANZA Dates for 2015

5/10/15 --  May 10th, 2015 (5 + 10 = 15)*

6/9/15   --  June 9th, 2015 (6 + 9 = 15)

7/8/15   --  July 8th, 2015 (7 + 8 = 15)*

8/7/15   --  August 7th, 2015 (8 + 7 =15)*

9/6/15   --  September 6th, 2015 (9 + 6 = 15)

10/5/15 --  October 5th, 2015 (10 + 5 = 15)*

If Da-da missed any, you can scream MUGGINS (it's an insider/cribbage thing) and comment greedily in the comments section... but no one will like you. On the above Special Cribbage Dates, truly massive amounts of cribbage will be played with extreme muggins-ish prejudice. The above dates marked with an asterisk (*) contain 31 days, and are thus EXTRA SPECIAL CRIBBAGE MONTHS (ESCM), symbolic of the total number of points scored in one aspect of the game, and celebrated with... something.

Finally, Da-da will NOT suggest the eating of cabbage on any of those days simply because it sounds like cribbage (though he will suggest you put some creamy slaw on a hotdog, along with some chili beans, mustard and ketchup and relish, damn). Nor will anyone hang out in a "crib," large or small, dressed as a baby, in order to secure any alienable or unalienable rights. Anyone caught doing these things intentionally in this, THE CRIBBAGE MILLENNIUM, will suffer in some indeterminate way yet to be revealed by David Hasselhof and Major League Baseball.

Yeah, Da-da can't believe it, either.

Bronko's Monday Conundrum

Mr. and Mrs. Clarkson (formerly).

7yo Bronko: "Da-da, are those people married?
Da-da: "I think so."
7yo Bronko: "They look the same."
Da-da: "Huh. You're right."
7yo Bronko: "EXACTLY the same."
Da-da: "Some people do that."

Mr. and Mrs. Hammond (formerly).

7yo Bronko: "Why do some people marry people who look just like them?"
Da-da: "Perhaps they enjoy looking into a mirror. Looks are only an illusion, anyway."
7yo Bronko: "I'm never getting married."
Da-da: "You're set for a lifetime of peace and harmony."

Mr. and Mrs. The STIG.

Note: Da-da chose the Top Gear crew for this demonstration. Sure, there are countless celebrity iterations... but that would make us look more at celebrities so forget it.

Stare at the PLUS sign. AIIEIEEE!

A Sign Unto Youse

Would Someone Please Unplug the Cat?

Pretty sure we got it all.

It's Coming: Buckle-up, Timmy

A WHOA Sign Unto Youse

Monday at The Non Sequitur

Monday is the Traditional Day of Gratuitous Cat Jumping at The Non Sequitur...

...as is Cat-Face-Hugging... or as close as one can get...

...Chimp Cat-Polishing... until the genie comes out...

...and of course Chicken Apprehension and Disintermediation. This last bit goes without saying,
but has very little to do with cats... which is at least half the point. Damn chicken.

Wobble Update for 3-15-15 @ 11:53 Eastern

For those in the know, the wobble has calmed a bit since last post. Note that the red magnetic pole center is approximate, and Da-da-added. It's entirely possible, and indeed probable that this activity could not only impact sunrise and sunset times in the coming months, but also tide levels, wind vectors, velocities, names of small bridges, amount of ice cream consumed by small children, chickens named MAURICE... you name it.

Note that Da-da ran three images at half a second, then paused to show the gap in time, as you can see in the bottom right timestamp. As long as the wobble's circumambulation stays in a fairly tight circle, Da-da guesses we're ok.

Is That So?

Is That So?
 
There was a monk who lived on the edge of a small town, much to the delight of the townspeople. Whenever he ventured into town to help someone, everyone came out of their homes to give him gifts from their gardens, calling out to him, "Oh, Teacher, we're so fortunate to have you living nearby! You are such a wonderful person! You do so much good, Teacher! Your presence is such a blessing!"
 
To all of this, the monk would always reply, "Is that so? Is that so?"
 
One day a young woman came to the monk's hut and said, "Oh, Teacher, I'm in terrible trouble. I'm pregnant and my family will disown me. The young man who I love so much has fled to another town because my family would certainly do him harm. I have nowhere else to turn and no one else to ask for help."
 
The monk replied that she could live in the back room and help around the house and she would then have the security of a home for her child.
 
Well, now when the monk went into town, he was reviled. "You dirty old man! Look how you have betrayed our trust and taken advantage of that young woman! How could we have ever believed in you? What shame you have brought on us!" And they hurled rotten fruit at him along with their insults.
 
To all of this, the monk would always reply, "Is that so? Is that so?"
 
After a while, the father of the child returned to the town and presented himself before the family, saying, "I have spent the past two years learning a trade in a neighboring town and now I am able to provide a home for your daughter and grandchild." The family was overjoyed. Although it wasn't the best of situations, it was so much better than they had feared that they welcomed their daughter and grandchild back into the family with open arms.
 
How different it was when the monk came into town then. The townspeople lined the road every time, presenting him with gifts of food and calling out, "Oh, Teacher, how could we have ever doubted you? Look at the wonderful thing you have done! We are so ashamed! Please forgive us! You are such a wise and compassionate person! We are so fortunate to have you living nearby!"
 
To all of this, the monk would always reply, "Is that so? Is that so?"


While there is no single interpretation that would do justice to this story, it certainly speaks to the equanimity of the monk. Against the backdrop of praise and condemnation, he holds himself apart from "what everyone thinks" even as he acts with the most compassionate and involved sense of responsibility. Whether in public or the workplace or in the privacy of home life, people will misread our intentions and jump to conclusions that cast us in a bad light. The most straight-forward lesson of this story, then, is that by continuing on the most ethical course of action our true intents become known. This, however, can be a short-lived vindication as the same thing may happen all over again: We ought not be pulled off-center by shallow praise any more than by shallow criticism.

The monk in this story serves as a model by maintaining emotional detachment from the transient opinions of others while never withdrawing from personal involvement with others' real needs.

Other lessons can be derived from this story by looking at the events from the perspective of each of the other characters (the parents, the young man, the young woman, the townspeople) and considering how simply each of them could have maintained their own equanimity in the face of circumstances.

                                                                                                                     [source: The Happiness Institute]

Happy Pi/Pie Day

Mmm... mirror pi-pie...

It's Friday...

...you can lay off the coffee, now.

ATTACK OF THE PHONIES... Already in Progress

The PHONIES: they're coming to ignore you!

We've had the hippies, the yippies, the moonies, the yuppies, the goonies, and the dotcommies, now we have those unfortunate souls who continually stare at their phones at all hours everywhere they go until their lives and existences have no meaning: THE PHONIES!

Every age is marked by some ultima-hackneyed term that comes to typify a generation, and this one is not only just as insipid as other stereotypical labels, it's also overdue. Da-da doesn't mean to be critical, he just wants some of you to WAKE UP, put your g*ddamn phones down and look around, at yourselves, at the world, at the people around you... and maybe put those three things together in some meaningful way.

Power down, wake up, tune in.

Or failing that, howbout, "HELLO? WHERE AM I?"

Feel free to rip Da-da to shreds in the comments section. Go ahead, he can take it. Don't forget, Da-da is just being your meta-da-da. Void where prohibited. Your future may vary -- a lot.

Poor Spooky Blue Pants...

...with nobody inside 'em.

That Saturday Look of Parenthood

EXTREME Lego Containment Systems: part of every postmodern parent's oeuvre.

Wobble Update for 3-7-15 @ 00:41 Eastern [UPDATED 3-13-15]

For those who know what this means, the wobble is currently averaging ~1500 miles, though the time element is still tough to nail down; above it's eight hours. As Da-da looks at the latest data at the time of this post -- 20 minutes later than the latest image above -- magnetic north has dropped even closer to North America. This may mean colder temperatures than normal... unless the planet suddenly wobbles the other way. [shrug] Still trying to get a handle on predicting this. Note: red dot indicates current magnetic north.

Oh, still don't believe? Try THIS. If you can't listen to Inuit Elders, there's little hope for you.

UPDATE 3-13-15: To all of you (and it's a lot) who asKed for Da-da to do this every day, twice a day... it wouldn't do any good. The wobble is completely unpredictable. The earth is reacting to a plethora of moving magnetic fields, not to mention hurtling through space with a bunch or weird stuff inside her and crazy humans on the surface, amidst a zillion spinning space things and energies and unicorns and electric bunnies... it's a world gone mad. The wobble has actually calmed a little over the past week (well, not really), but if it starts jumping more than the above, Da-da will let you know. Jeez, what is Da-da, the cosmic weather man?

If it gets foggy outside and you see things like this in the fog, don't answer the door.

It Only Takes One

Donut Landing Signals

When landing donuts, think SAFETY, people.

Earth Wobble Accelerating? What the MSM Won't Tell You [UPDATED]

Check this out. Last night, over a few hours (see the timestamp at bottom of image), the earth wobbled more than it should, as you can see in the above animation. This has been going on for almost a year, more and more. The wobble might mean lower night-time temps, causing unusually cold air masses to manifest and move around here and there, causing unusual snow or hail conditions in unusual places, sudden rain, air-currents suddenly rotating in the wrong direction... it's a world gone mad. Since the globe is wobbling more and more erratically, no one has any idea where it'll end up or what will happen. That red circle (above) is the estimated geomagnetic edge of the northern auroral donut, basically the outline of the magnetic north pole. As you can see, it's moving quite a bit. You can extrapolate the geomagnetic center if you look at it closely.

What's Causing This? 

Apparently, our solar system has a sister solar system moving past us -- one that astronomers and the authorities (who owns the former) have failed to mention in the mainstream media (who's owned by the former), for any number of reasons. This other solar system -- which, like David Lynch, has a brown dwarf at its heart -- is supposed to take something like five-to-seven years to pass by, with an apparent periodicity of approx. every 70,000 years, Da-da's been told. (There's more to it, but Da-da's not sure you'd believe him.)

What Does This Mean?

It means crazy weather. You can forget about global warming, or global cooling. Get ready for global weirding. Sure, the sun's going to sleep and solar output is a whole order of magnitude lower than it's been in a long time, and a new Maunder Minimum is sharpening its ice axe, but with the planet wobbling like a drunken sailor.... and YES, the planet wobbles in its orbit already, but that's a SLOOOW wobble, taking thousands of years. This new hitch in our giddyup takes mere HOURS.

Don't be surprised if it snows one day, is 80 degrees the next, and rains frozen slugs the day after that. OR, if enough positivity happens, to ameliorate the situation, (which looks to be the case), then there won't be much in the way of drastic change. There is the off-chance that the earth might (gently) slide around a bit and wind up with a different global angle (e.g., Maine could be closer -- or inside, gulp -- the arctic circle, while California could wind up closer to the equator)... not to mention alterations to the size of the earth's orbit, which could have days added or subtracted to the current year; let's hope the 24.25 hour day doesn't get any longer, otherwise the entire watch and clock industry is screwed. Note: if days get added to the calendar, your end-of-year-holiday just got that much longer.

Here it is with the latest image at the time of this writing. The auroral donut should be expected to shift a little, but not that much.


Is Da-da Sure About This?

Yes, otherwise he wouldn't write about it. Da-da's been watching solar system purturbations, as well as earth wobble every day for the past six months and it's getting worse. So far the only way to really tell with existing public data is to observe the auroral patterns, as well as the weird weather and temperature shifts -- yes, which are also affected by man-made as well as natural conditions.

A Most Important Note

Please don't stress about this. This is nothing to be afraid of. It just is. The sun rises over here, it sets over there. It's hot, it's cold, Da-da's hat blew into the river. Water might slosh a bit, but things change on Planet Change, mostly because the entire system is designed to. Plants may get messed up for a short time, crop harvests might be wonky, but you'll probably still have your GMO pizzas delivered in 45-minutes-or-less (well, until the global currency reset), and X-Files reruns somewhere -- and YES, you can wear your big ol' white pants after Labor Day, but bring a sweater. And an umbrella. And shorts. And a parka. Da-da only offers this info because he thinks you'll be Big People about this and not panic, unlike some governments people, who sit in vehicles idling in a bunker somewhere, feeling vaguelly apprehensive.

Um... yes we can. Pretty sure you can't, tho.

More Evidence

Northern Lights move south: Magnetic storm reveals aurora borealis
in Central Russia (Video + Photos)

Monday at The Non Sequitur

Oh. THAT WAY to the Forbidden Zone. Gotcha.

Your Heliomancer for Sunday, March 1st, 2015

For those who believe that techno-heliomancy -- divination via satellite images of the sun -- has merit (Da-da doesn't), check out Sunday's view from the SDO satellite. This latest looks like one half of a maniacal smiley face, whatever that means, or is that Brother J defeating some creepy horned thing? Sure looks like smiting to Da-da, and he's an expert.

Now, since our world is actually upside-down...

...give THIS angle a look. Is that an axe up there? Is the Cabal gonna get it? Or is that some old lady hitting the top-hatted Monopoly guy with her purse? Do old women hit people with purses anymore? As usual, your guess is as good as your guess. But something's definitely up. March is gonna be one wacky month, Da-da can feel it. And 2015 will not only be the Year of the Levitating Sheep, but also the stuff of legend. Keep seatbelts buckled loosely while we're hurtling through the ether.