Da-da's Gothic Home Improvement: Designer Sand

To keep children and older adults safe from falling -- and dramatically increase the amount of colories burned in moving from room to room -- Da-da just installed 160 cubic yards of designer sand in his house. Luckily, the house's titanium/spiral-foamed-polymer concrete foundation could accomodate the additional 416,000 lbs. (only 208 tons). The kids love it, and so do the cats. Big plus: it almost completely removes the need for furniture. The sand is sterile, so it only has to be replaced every ten years, given the volume. Biggest problem so far is keeping all the upstairs sand from cascading downstairs. All told, it's like inviting the beach indoors!