"Oh, Mr. Commuter..."

"Oh, Mr. Commuter..."

Probably only three people will care about this -- and one of them is dead -- but FINALLY, after years of searching, Da-da found a transcript of Steve Martin's 1976 beatnik poetry rant from Saturday Night Live, SNL Episode 5, Second Season, written by Michael O'Donahue. Now all Da-da needs do is make a YouTube post of the sketch and he will have performed his service to humanity. Anyway, here it is, along with a link to the entire sketch transcript. And yes, Da-da was quite young when this came out, but he remembers peeking over the couch to see it (he wasn't supposed to be up).

Rodney (Steve Martin as beatnik): Oh, Mr. Commuter!
Wash me not in your Mad Ave. paint-by-numbers soap,
In your Cheez Whiz TV dinner bathtub graveyard.
Not for me your drip-dry tuna casserole! [bongo rim shot]
Not for me your gray-and-pink poodle FASCISM! [bongo]
I'd rather roll in my own PUKE! [bongo]
Free and proud to smell.
This is poetry!
It does not NEED to rhyme!
Ga ga!
Da da!
God!
Dog!
Dog!
God!
Herbie (Dan Ackroyd): Genius! Ah, genius!

Rodney: Period!
Comma, comma!
New line: colon!
Question mark?
Hear the sound!
Hear the sound! [bongo]
Zoom! [bongo]
Zoom! [bongo]
Zoom! [bongo]
Uh...

[Rodney pauses, unsure of the next word, mumbles to himself, consults book.]

Rodney: Oh.

[Rodney resumes rant, gesturing broadly]

Rodney: Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!
Fallout shelter!
Sputnik!
H-bomb!
Explosion! Explosion!! EXPLOSION!!!
[slaps himself hard in the face]
Bang!