Graduate Theses for Rent

At least it LOOKS like food.

What with the new school year upon us, here's a graduate research topic that might be worth a few hundred (silly) words, one that involves one of Da-da's least favorite oxymorons: airplane food.

Since airlines have stopped serving hot foot in plastic trays (except to first class passengers) domestically within the past half-decade, Da-da wonders if either cancer rates, or perhaps cases of depression, have waned in respective traveler demographics and flight crews since then. One should never cook food in plastic or while nude -- and especially not the two together (you're just asking for it) -- and one should never ever eat airplane food period. According to nutritionists and incredibly fit yoga instructors, the only kind of food anyone should eat is raw food, though Da-da wonders if that applies to the livers of one's enemies; if one has no enemies, then just the raw food is probably fine. Da-da's unsure, but perhaps if you eat enough raw food, enemies will develop.

Burt, please chew with your mouth closed.