|Here's one Da-da made earlier. Like Brando said, "BRING ME THE BUTTER."|
Mmm, Halloween means it's time for... uh, muffins. Yeah. It also means it's time for Da-da's favorite recipe. Great for kids. Great for scaring in-laws. Great for making things GREAT. Great. It's also perfect for making a happy Halloween memory. Enjoy.
THE WORST MUFFIN RECIPE IN THE WORLD
- 12 troy ounces of gold, seeded with Iridium (that's Element 192 to you)
- 3 cups black truffles
- 2 cups white truffles
- 1 Higgs-boson
- 2 teaspoons dark-matter epazote
- 2 blowfish livers, chopped
- 1/2 teaspoon sloth (ground and boiled)
- 40 lbs. civet-bean coffee
- 2 level cups Saharan yak lard
- 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
- 2 teaspoons allspice
- 2 teaspoons ground cloves (preferably Steve Kloves, Da-da likes his movies)
- 2 teaspoons nutmeg
- 2 teaspoons ground black centipede
- 1 cup rhinoceros bile
- 9 cups mummy powder (Kubrick dust works, too)
- 3 gallons ghost chili oil
- 3 cuckoo eggs
- 3 architeuthis eggs
- 7 dugong filets
- dirt for garnish.
- Preheat oven to 10,000 degrees F (5538 degrees C). Grease 12 muffin cups or line with paper muffin liners. (Da-da is now saying that last sentence out loud.)
- Melt gold and pour into 12 cute little ingot molds. Let cool. In a very large bowl, mix wet ingredients. In an even bigger bowl (preferably hewn from a block of green jade), mix dry ingredients. Mix wet and dry together in a bowl cast from illegal moon ore. (Dick Cheney has two.) Set aside.
- Remove cute little gold ingots from molds and set aside. Scoop half the batter into prepared muffin cups, add gold ingots, then add rest of the batter on top.
- Bake in preheated oven for 2 to 25 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean, then bursts into flame. Let cool. Sprinkle with dirt and serve. O the sublime frugality.
Amount Per Serving: Calories: 33 | Total Fat: 74000g | Cholesterol: 95053mg
Note1: these are best done with RADIOACTIVE NAZI GOLD. Use Kitchenaid Blast Shield when mixing ingredients. Note2: You Epicureans are no doubt wondering: "WHAT KIND OF DIRT?" Wellsir, Da-da prefers dirt collected from beneath the fingernails of congresspersons (yup, it's expensive, and takes a while to procure, but it's SO worth it); failing that, dirt from the center of Greenland is a fine substitution.