SUPERMOON APOCALYPSE, AAAIIEIIEEEEE

It's a fact: full SUPERMOON APOCALYPSES encourage run-on sentences. And tantrums.

Sorry, couldn't resist. In yet another fear-mongering media attempt at mongering FEAR (you getting this?), the moon is apparently going to be soooo close to the earth -- something like 221,567 miles away (or 356,577 kilometers), which is about as far as Da-da goes for a taco, A REALLY GOOD TACO -- that we're all gonna die. AGAIN. Seems we're, "ALL GONNA DIE," about three times a quarter these days, he said, sardonically. Sure, it's the closest the moon's been in 18 years, and YES, it'll be full, such that on the March 19th APOCALYPSE MOONIE close-up, the entire earth will explode and all corporations will perish, boo hoo. (If all the corporations died, would you cry any big salty tears?) Anyway, that's what some people think. Then again, some people read, "PEOPLE."

For anyone not in the know, you should turn all this stuff off and go read, *Jane Eyre,* because:

1. It's really good, and
2. The fear mongers want you AFRAID and buying things 24/7 and not reading high quality books like, *Jane Eyre,* and using your head for something other than a hat rack while reading annoying run-on sentences all the time, what's wrong with you?

Not sure if fear and buying things and hat racks are related, but you're far less likely to think straight when you're afraid, and when you're not thinking straight... MAN, are you easy to control. (The last time Da-da didn't think straight due to fear -- BOOM -- he had two kids. Guess that was more like BOOM BOOM.) What was Da-da talking about? CONTROL. There's money to be made in control, and that's what life's all about, right? Right? Is this thing on? And stop starting sentences with AND, grammar-puss.

That said, it wouldn't hurt to ramp your earthquake preparedness a little, esp. as the earth and sun are more and more sympatico, electromagnetically speaking, and the mantle seems to be extra slippery in terms of the Pacific plate, but don't freak out about it -- don't freak out about anything, EVER. Even if zombies suddenly appeared, your life would be gravy. Think about it. Zombies mean all bets are off and there's no more taxes, no IRS, no 9-5, no mortgage to pay, lots of adventure and eating beany weenies before being bitten and infected and then leading all your zombie comrades on a ZOMBIE MARCH ON WASHINGTON DC... ah, allow Da-da his little fantasy a moment. Wherewasi? Right. The full moon at perigee does make earthquakes more probable, statistically, as tides are quite powerful, but nothing will happen right away. No, if Da-da were forced to hang his prophetic cheese in the wind, he'd mention that his spurious data points to a seismic event to occur early in the morning (Pacific time) on... April 14th -- 30 days from today (so you have some time to prepare), but nothing so serious that it can't be rectified by a few tactical moon pies and Da-da coffee. Put those two together and THERE'S your seismic event. Jeez, did you read all that? You NEED a moon pie and Da-da coffee after that post.

This is actually a quasi-moon-pie/vanilla ice cream thing, which is cheating, a little, but who's gonna complain?

[Postmortem: after the fact, the Supermoon Apocalypse turned out to be a micro rather than a macro, causing 3 and 5YO Bronko and Nagurski to become LOONEY, and chew on each other all freaking day. However, these types of moons tend to loosen things up for effects later. Da da da.]