Showing posts with label energy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label energy. Show all posts

2.8.12

Da-da vs. The Alien Fridge Monster

So long, you near-sentient mold monster/energy hog.


Da-da recently replaced his aging 1984 Kenmore refrigerator with a fairly pedestrian -- but Energy Star-rated -- Maytag, chosen primarily because it was the ONLY fridge that would fit the weirdo space in Da-da's kitchen. Da-da's plan was to save moolah on his power bill, so he also replaced all the lighting inside the thing with inexpensive LEDs and... Da-da cut his power bill in half. Yup. One half. And Da-da HATES paying the electric company their artificially rate-hiked hikeyiness. Da-da has also replaced all major lightbulbs in the house with LEDs, as well as all the damn dimmer switches (rheostats chew electricity), where applicable, saving even more. Current power bills are a third of what they were when Da-da first got the house.

The appliance salesman tried to talk Da-da into, "THE REFRIGERATOR OF THE FUTURE," but the thing was clearly invented by alien engineers without children.

Um, how long till every toy is inside this thing, along with the cat's lifeless (but fresh!) body?
About two seconds. And how exactly does Da-da clean the mold outta that green alien goo?
Obviously designed by a young alien bachelor who eats out a lot.

9.2.12

Da-da's Peanuts Energy Discovery

Keep cranking out that angst-energy, kid.

Charles Schultz must've sighed all the time, poor guy. But what he never could've known was that his angst could potentially produce a whole new green alternative energy source that could satisfy the energy chomping needs of the entire earth. Yup, Da-da's talking 'bout SIGH energy. (Oh, not another fake acronym... alright, howbout, "Sigh Integration Gone Hoobah" energy. Happy?)

Charlie Brown and the other Peanuts characters SIGH, on average, once every three seconds. We've already got the primary Sigh producers -- Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Linus, Lucy, Schroeder, Sally, Peppermint Patty, etc. -- now all we need (get right on that) is to create that hoobah SIGH apparatus... and then of course attach the thing to teenagers, the world's largest untapped SIGH energy source, and show them Peanuts specials over and over. Free energy for all!

Note that future SIGH Storage facilities would be fullest on and around Valentine's Day, as well as during the various proms, finals week, and of course every time homework is assigned, so that means MORE HOMEWORK, kids. (**SIGH.**) Think of the limitless teen energy being wasted -- as well as that of people stuck working in cubicles all day, and that of parents waiting for tantrums to end, and of really anyone who hates their job, which is about 98% of the earth's population. Sure, all these hominid sighs are big producers of carbon dioxide and are probably THE main cause of climate change, but good luck trying to solve that problem this side of a Soylent Green rendering plant and cracker factory. Best we can do is harness all that human angst and put it to good use, posthaste. 2012 is looking to be a SIGH paradise; Da-da knows he's certainly doing his part.

Keep cranking it out, kid.

6.6.11

Thar Be BEASTIES Down There (or "Why Big Oil's Big Secret is Good News for You")


Oil companies are amusing. Like most corporations, you have to laugh at them -- you have to, or else you'll wind up with ASDI (Angry Sad Depressed Inebriated) Syndrome. When not operating as covert ops platforms (Bay of Pigs, anyone?) for spooky alphabet agencies, oil companies claim poverty for a number of PR reasons while begging for government bailouts. However, there's a big secret they don't want you to know, one that's already known, been marginalized, and quietly forgotten: One that spells good news for consumers, long-term.

Postulated back in the '30s, this tidbit came out in the '80s, hit the mainstream in the middle of the last decade... and was quietly forgotten. Da-da originally learned of this firsthand from five different sources (two petroleum engineers, one researcher and a three geologists), so he can vouch for its veracity. Basically, like much of human knowledge, we have no idea what's really going on deep beneath our feet, but Da-da will quit stalling and cut to the chase.

The majority of petroleum in the ground does not come primarily from decaying plants and animals. Fossilized plants only make up a fraction. Indeed, the term "fossil fuel" is an oxymoron, as the lion's share of petroleum comes not from decayed dinosaurs, but from countless dead microorganisms deep in the earth, along with other natural chemical processes we don't fully understand. Impossible, you say? Well, pump-jacks that have been dry for 50 years have started to pump crude again (they're designed to kick on in the presence of oil). And scientists just announced discovery of a microorganism that lives deep in the earth's crust, where we expected no life to be able to survive.

Then there's this 2008 Forbes story on a similar topic that everyone's forgotten:
The idea that oil comes from fossils "is a myth. … We need to change this myth," says petroleum engineer Vladimir Kutcherov, at the Royal Institute of Technology in Sweden. "All kinds of rocks could have oil and gas deposits."

Alexander Kitchka of the Ukrainian National Academy of Sciences brashly estimates that 60% of the content of all oil is abiotic in origin, and not from fossil fuels. He says companies should drill deeper to find it.

Kitchka says oil may be found in all sorts of geological structures such as volcanic rock or deep-sea thermal vents where companies aren't looking today.

Kutcherov points to a handful of productive oil fields in Vietnam and elsewhere that lay in hard rock such as granite. Traditional theory says oil shouldn't be present there. Certain wells in the Gulf of Mexico have produced more oil than expected. The abiotic crowd says they are slowly being refilled from a deeper source.

The abiotic oil theory goes back centuries and includes as its prominent champions Dimitri Mendeleev, best known for inventing the periodic table. It didn't gain much visibility in America until the late Cornell University astronomer Thomas Gold championed it in the 1980s. He said that oil contains organic compounds not because it is derived from fossils but because giant colonies of deep-earth bacteria feed on deep hydrocarbon pools way down in the mantle.
In the 1980s, [Gold] convinced the Swedish government and investors to drill four miles through solid granite in central Sweden. They eventually recovered 84 barrels of oil. Gold considered it a scientific success, even though the project was a commercial failure.

However, petroleum production is not a purely abiotic process. Microorganisms also play a role. Basically, you get all kinds of goodies if you add enough heat and pressure and micro-beasties, and the earth is a very big pressure cooker, naturally producing petroleum, more in some places than in others, with different oil composition in different regions, as it's a product of disparate biological, geologic and chemical processes.

Like petroleum, we also don't fully understand how coal deposits are created, nor how long the processes involved actually take. Factually, we don't really know anything -- which is fine, as no one's expected to know everything. But to pretend that you do while manufacturing myths to control the price over something you don't understand... well, greed is a time-honored human institution. 

Why do you care? Because this flies in the face of oil company and energy analyst and wall street and governmental dogma, misinformation that's been propagated for over 50 years to change the prices of things -- esp. in terms of the "Peak Oil" bugaboo. There is no Peak Oil, despite all the fear that's generating book sales. This is disinformation designed to coerce you into buying yet another fake paradigm -- yet another time-honored human institution. We might eventually use more oil than can be produced, but if we scale back and are smarter about how we use it, as Da-da hopes you're all doing, there should be plenty of oil till energy concerns decide to unveil other energy sources they've no doubt had under wraps for years, waiting to make money off them. Yes, Da-da just said that oil is a renewable resource... because it is, if we're careful. Alas, corporations have more rights than people, and live longer, and will tell you the "truth" only when it suits their bottom lines.

Sadly, corporations, and many humans associated with them only want money, at any and all costs, and the costs build up over time until said system collapses. When a system interferes with society to such an extent that the society eventually crumbles because of it, it's days are numbered, as are the days of any society that endorses it. This will one day involve yet another awesome paradigm shift, and it will happen sooner than you think. Sorry to burst your bubble, but Da-da's pretty sure you'll like the alternative.

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