Canadian Vandals Strike Again

"Wat is the Countrey Canada All About?" A Da-da Pictorial Essay Answer

Da-da is nothing if not helpful. So let's take a moment and review a simple pictorial essay he created to explain to you what Canada is really all about, or "aboot" as they say in Canadian (the language they speak in Canada).

Let's start with the Canadian dog.

Fig. 47. The Canadian dog.

Canadian dogs are BIG. And have antlers. If you see one, you should run up and THROW YOUR ARMS AROUND THEIR NECKS. They love that. They also adore fast motion and loud noises. Speaking of enormous animals...

Canada loves the Queen, and the feeling is mutual.

...Canadians LOVE Britain's Queen -- and it's easy to see why!

Canada in summer.

Climate-wise, Canada is a wonderful place to live. Here's a picture of Canada in summer. Good thing school is out!

Canadian figure skaters are always intense.

Speaking of summer, Canadians LOVE ice skating. Here's one of their best figure skaters really getting into it. Sometimes she jumps so high...

She must have reeeeeeeally long arms.

...you don't think she's ever coming down, regardless of what time zone she's hurtling through.

Canadians always know other Canadians.

Canadians always recognize each other wherever they go...

Sometimes a phone box is not just a phone box.

...and are experts in the field of communications.

Rob says, "Hi!"

Like American leaders, Canadian politicians are warm and friendly. Here's Toronto's mayor after a few Molsens. Looks like that hair cream is finally working!

Like a shoe and a bicycle.

Canada loves lumberjacks and Mounties and -- most importantly -- CANADA LOVES DA-DA. Jeez, how could they not?

Fig. 19a. Merlin.

 
Canada is entirely controlled by this one cat, as is really all of the Northern Hemisphere. His name is Merlin. He likes food and food. And to be rubbed. Forever.

Canada loves cats.

Above all, Canadians are known for having a superior sense of humor, which is why Da-da's secret wish is to be a Canadian. They also pay homage to Merlin as often as they can, in any way they can. Jeez, how could they not?

Hope this little photo essay gives you some idea of what Canada is really all about. Da-da and Snoopy are always here to help.

If you want to know what the "countrey America" is all about, try Da-da's essay:

"RUB THE IDIOT BOX BEAUTY: A Short Definition of the American Character."

You'll be glad you did. Or not.

Why Da-da Loves Canada

Why Canada is Lousy With UFOs

It's official: UFOs have landed en masse all over Canada -- and strangely, nowhere else on earth. Indeed, thousands of huge flying saucers and behemoth rectangular motherships have taken up residence above and around nearly all Canadian cities and in all provinces. Greeted warmly by the Canucks, the aliens have already started sharing their massive trove of alien technology with the Canadian people.

"We flew around for a good 50 years, checking out the best landing spots," said Xlonk Xlipome, alien subcommander and goodwill ambassador of the Xli, wearing a maple-leafed toque, "but Canada was the only place we liked. Canadians are just nicer than other Terrans. And funnier, jeez. In this universe, you either develop a good sense of humor or you're pretty much hosed." Citing the rampant, fear-based paranoia of most other earth cultures, Xlonk added that more earth cities might be added to the aliens' itinerary, but only if they lightened up. "I think the UK may be next," the alien added. "Besides Kids in the Hall and Slings and Arrows, we're all big fans of Monty Python."

Even more shocking than the Canadian landings themselves, their neighbors to the south have ostensibly begun to turn off FOX news and other fear-based programming, with some Americans actually leaving their homes to hug non-white strangers; some uncharacteristically smile for no reason, waving at saucers headed for Canada, while others have gone so far as to disarm themselves. Texas appears to be the only fully armed, unsmiling exception. Except for a few regional anomalies, Texans still seemed tightlipped and heavily armed -- especially given the Cowboys choking this season. Indeed, Texas seems the only state where passing UFOs are regularly shot at and cursed. "Maybe it's the fire ants," Xlonk shrugged.