Da-da's 2016 Back-to-School Fashion Extravaganza

Oh, that "got-sick-in-a-taxi" hostage chic.

Nothing says, "HUH?" like kids back-to-school fashion... well, except maybe for "election" year confusion. Anyway, here are Da-da's picks for most incomprehensible (mostly male, as Da-da has boys) fashion that you hope you don't see on your kid's campus. Anyway, here we go:

To begin with, we have this lovely mylar/skyscraper trash/dehumanization motif:

Kiss me, stupid: I'm recyclable.

DIY cabal-wear for the angry and dispossessed.

This seems to describe how we all feel these days.

Van Gogh-art-dumpster WHACK always seems to work.

Then there's this Kubrick-y anti-Spongebob homage to Christo (for day and evening and Halloween):

Also doubles as a Cardinal's confession booth.

"I got a rock."

You may kiss the... er... obelisk?

 Then... some designer happened to get their old Green Hornet/HOSTAGE rerun jones on:

Let's MOVE, Cato. [BONK]

While all-of-the-above is relatively predictable in an Orwellian Utopia such as ours, we now move into more practical disguises...

That walking-leather-sofa look for blending in at furniture stores.

All the Pretty United Refugee Flags of Benetton.

Not to leave the women out, there were a few telling looks:

Che Matin Cafe Table Pain-Cabesa. (Java spigot in rear.)

That Electric Crunchy Frog look of Eltonian Mechanics.

America's look of the future?

And yes, we have the "crossovers"...

O you strapless brute.

That Winston Churchill look of equine catering.

"Maxine Headroom: Clean-up on aisle 9."

Jean. Baptiste. Immanuel. ZORG.

O Gattica meets a radiologist's lead apron.

Escape From NY meets 9 1/2 Weeks. Krikey.

End of the human race, anyone?

For that ancient Asian chemo-therapy androgyne inside all of us.

Lao Tzu, you sexy beast.

The sound of one scrotum growing hair at the speed of FABULOUS.

Then we have that retro-dash of masculinity via GIANT CREAMY KNITS!

Big Baby Blue Macrame Mittens say I LOVE YOU.

Bust a pink macrame cap, homie.

And finally, we have Da-da's favorite: work clothes for people who will never work a day in their lives, but want to look vaguelly work-y:

Aye, lass. I do have a JOB.

(That Japanese translates as, "I am a mustachio'd pantomime Cristin Glover Love Machine 3000.")

Ello, guvnor. Where'dya wan' tha' body?

And last -- and least -- the Ultimate Look for 2017:

Future CEO.