Da-da's Rules of Shoe-Tying Club

Before you start, you might want to FIND your shoes.

DA-DA'S RULES OF SHOE-TYING CLUB

1st RULE: You do not scream during SHOE-TYING CLUB.

2nd RULE: You DO NOT SCREAM during SHOE-TYING CLUB. (Except when you're screaming.)

3rd RULE: FIND YOUR OWN DAMN SHOES.

4th RULE: If someone says "&%$*!", or their shoe hits the wall, the exercise is over.

5th RULE: Only two shoes to a person.

6th RULE: One shoe at a time, unless you're tying them together.

7th RULE: Double-knotting is mandatory.

8th RULE: Shoe-tying will go on as long as it has to.

9th RULE: If you angrily say, "I CAN DO IT!", then you will. Alone.

10th RULE: Slow down and tie your shoes like a reasonably sane, rabid animal.

11th RULE: If you're going to tie your shoes, your mouth need not be involved.

12th RULE: No shoe-technology experiments -- or YOU clean it up.

13th RULE: If your shoes glow blue, you are allowed to defy gravity -- BUT NOT IN THE HOUSE.

[See Da-da's Rules of Food Club.]