Da-da's Voting Strategy for a Better Tomorrow

Pick one.

The Sandworm Vote, Part 2: Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey

Da-da gives Sandy some political pointers.

Some wag sent Da-da a message asking if he was LEFT or RIGHT. For the record, Da-da is a DA-DA, a beleagured, highly trained, no-neck lawn gorilla (read KID) wrangler-ninja -- IN 3D -- who cares little for controlling anything save for his tiny patch of real estate, and only then to make small beings eat, sleep, do their homework, and not turn out like most politicians. That said, when it comes to political direction, Da-da's riding a giant sandworm that's about to eat both Right and Left. Why? 'Cause Da-da's the founding member of The Sandworm Party, Mr. Bond.

Sandworms have an extensive laundry list of winning attributes. They consume everything (esp. if it has cheese on it). They poop an addictive, mind-altering substance (nicknamed, "the spice") that's kinda like peyote and ayahuasca and LSD and carne asada and cinnamon rolls... served with that yummy civet coffee, mmm. They make great rumbling sounds when they approach, making everyone yell, "RUN!" They're not annoying (though they are deadly). They don't make speeches. They don't encourage people to kill or subjugate other people. They unify ("RUN!"). And best-of-all: they're fictional. Which is why Da-da's all over them like CHILI on a DOG.

As if that weren't enough, sandworms also create huge amounts of oxygen (due to the friction from zooming through sand and trailer parks at high speed), thus solving all global warming woes. Take a deep breath! And sure, they eat and pretty much destroy everything in sight, but then again, so does the U.S. Government. At least the sandworms won't lie to you while they do it. AND the press conferences wind up with all the media being devoured, dropped screaming into an alchemical maw! ("Hey, Rupert! Hold this thumper!") But...  best of all: NO SANDWORM TAXES. Nope. Not one. Save for the fact that they eat pretty much everything on the surface of the planet that moves or vibrates. Could be worse. They could incorporate. And at least sandworms don't dance and wave flags when an "enemy" dies. No bloodlust. No "justice." They just eat you and, "move forward."

To get you all used to the idea, Da-da's gone so far as to create a SANDWORM CAT to act as your personal (un)disposable political saviour. Isn't he cute? (HINT: don't pet him.)

(Factually, someone sent that image to Da-da, so it belongs to someone else, BUT Da-da doesn't know who. If this is yours, let Da-da know and he'll give you ample credit.)

[Read "The Sandworm Vote, Part 1."]

The Sandworm Vote, Part 1

People ALWAYS ask Da-da: what's your favorite monster? That's easy.

Sandworm.

The one from Frank Herbert's, DUNE, which still exhibits better writing than most books today.

Then they ask Da-da who he's voting for. For 2012. (Why they're asking Da-da this so far from the damn elections tells you a lot about how silly politics have become in this country.) Who is Da-da going to vote for? That's easy.

Sandworm.

Like Sarah Palin, a sandworm is not only insensate, it also: eats everything; poops an addictive mind altering substance; is impervious to nearly everything (except water); makes this great rumbling sound when it approaches making everyone yell, "RUN!"; is worshipped by religious whackos in robes and snuggies and suits, etc. UNLIKE Sarah Palin, the sandworm is not annoying, it doesn't encourage people to kill other people, it unifies ("RUN!"), and best of all, it's fictional, which is why Da-da's voting for it. As for all initiatives... FYI, Da-da votes YES on NO, and NO on YES. We clear now, pollster?

Gotta go. Da-da's 9:00 sandworm is inbound. Grab your hooks, Stilgar, we just created The Sandworm Party.

Sandworms just need more love.

[Read "The Sandworm Vote Part 2: Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey."]