Full Da-da Jacket

At least it's snowing in Da-da's mind... which explains a lot.

Da-da loves jackets. He loves coats. He loves snowsuits. He loves storms. He must have ten coats and jackets and snowsuits and stormgear in all manner of protective awesomeness -- outerwear that hangs in Da-da's closet majestically, one of the few things he's actually hung up properly (according to the female part of the marriage equation). Nonetheless, it's READY for that howling blizzard in the snowcat, or that hurricane stint in the lighthouse off deadman's point, or available 24/7 for that impossible mission through iimpossible odds and elements. Alas, there's no weather where Da-da lives [sniff]. None. IT'S NEVER COLD where Da-da lives, nor does the wind blow more than maybe two days a year. There's no interesting weather at all. No snow. No tornadoes. No terrifying storm surge. No bleedingly cold arctic blasts to suck all the heat from Da-da's overheated bones... nothing, intercourse the penguin.

Da-da's body was built for subzero temperatures: cutting wind, freezing rain, sleet stuck in your sclera, etc., you get the idea. Da-da is HOT, goddamit. He has hair on his chest -- not in a Nicholas Cage "Valley Girl" heart configuration kinda way -- we're talking manly, animalistic grizzly hair. Ok, Da-da just grossed himself out. He's actually not that hirsute (not like Cousin Bieber and the Bieberites, brrr). But as you may have gathered, he has hair and muscle and blood and bulk (yes, and that terrifying steeeely eye) enough to cause any draft board make him into a sergeant on the spot... which would work if he weren't already A MAJOR DISASTER. Salute when you say that, Corporal Timmy.

Anyway, Da-da loathes where he lives (he won't say where), as it's just not cold enough for Da-da's liking, certainly never cold enough to wear any of his smokin' jackets (the one with Cher on it is SOOO awesome, but not nearly as awesome as his Native American PAINTED ROCKSTAR KISS guy jacket, whoa). Besides the lack of cold weather (or any weather), there are also no decent delis, no Greek food. (No falafel!) No decent Chicago deep-dish pizza to speak of. One bar that serves $20 martinis (olives optional). Worse than that, there are only two jews and one gay man within 50 miles -- and they're the same guy! -- so there's hardly anyone funny to converse with. (Sorry, gay folks and jews are funnier than regular people. No idea why. Sure, CHAD, Protestant Rotarians ARE a little funny, but not in the way you might think.) Jeez, what was Da-da bitching about again? He's not sure, but he'd clearly be happier in a chilly adjacent universe with 99% employment and 2-D movies and phones that ring on the wall and funny smart wry people who read actual books while sipping $1 glasses of high quality single malt scotch in bars that give away deep dish pizza and falafel just for drinking there... you know, the Full Da-da Jacket. Straight, no chaser. Wait... Da-da's crew is here. So long, everyone!

Da-da and friends are heading out for a drink and a nosh in the 8th dimension!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...

Pardon the levity interruption, but Science Da-da finds this interesting. It's not been well reported that the earth has actually been cooling, naturally, while what humans are doing is keeping it artificially warm; this was demonstrated by examining atmospheric records from those three plane-free days after 9/11 (no jet contrails to foul the data). Anyway, Da-da's geologic brain (which works about as fast) recalls that, according to ice cores, global warming typically preceded ice ages.

Interestingly enough, it seems glaciers have been GROWING, on Mt. Shasta, Mt. St. Helens, in Alaska, Norway, and in Antarctica over the past 30 years. Note that this is indeed possible with global warming, as local variations will exist and extreme weather prevail (more hot and cold air interactions), but Da-da has always suspected that we were living during yet another interglacial period, and a renowned Columbia University paleoclimatologist just confirmed it.

So what, right? Just put on a jacket and grab your sled? Alas, if an ice age is incipient, it's not the happiest of pictures. Ice age onset can occur very quickly, in a decade, and with growing populations, wacky weather, shrinking crop yields, shorter growing cycles... do the math. Certainly not a reason to panic (Da-da hates panic), but it's something to keep in mind. Worse case scenario: get ready for some do-it-yourself hydroponics. (And NO, not to grow that.) Da-da would actually be relieved by news of a new ice age, so all those gynormous methane deposits stay under the ocean where they belong; unleash methane with rising global temps and you've got... VENUS.

(Note: baseballs tend to catch fire when the planet's surface temp is 600-900 degrees, which makes foul balls reeeally HURT, if not more difficult to catch. AND while it may keep Da-da's hot dog warm, it would tend to make his $10 beer boil. Da-da does not like to pay $10 for boiling beer... unless it's to cook schnitzelgrubers, but that's a whole other planetary system.)

Mine mine mine mine mine... YOURS.

Note: not sure which theory this supports or refutes, but scientists also announced this week the observation of, "the highest level of Arctic ozone layer depletion on record, attributed to colder temperatures in the stratosphere." The upper atmosphere is very interesting, in that it gets colder -- then hotter -- the higher you go, though this is a bit misleading; the higher you go, the less actual particles you run into, but those that you do encounter are indeed like flaming baseballs.

UPDATE: Looks like the sun has finally decided to point South-dominant full time, now, which means that the earth and sun are geomagnetically sympatico. This means that the earth is absorbing most of the sun's output, rather than repelling it. This points to increased volcanism, as evidenced by all the recent volcanoes popping off left and right. If this continues, you'd best buy a warmer jacket.